lollipop laughter,
light-hearted living,

picturesque, perfect people
penning pals their best,
pulling down presents
and pushing back pests.

sharing smiles, sending
sights, sound-bytes and bites
several miles, south by southwest
and some places elsewhere.

wishing well, winning wildly
with one another—We whine and
wine while wishing-wells way round
the round rock and wayward,
wish and wash
with the Without,
waiting
wading
in waste,
lands
we
won't
walk.

We'll wink, think and talk
shortly—but not a moment longer
and never more or nevermore,
unless we witness winter, fresh.

but locked or not
the door is rotten:
would a knock be heard
it'd already be forgotten.

open up.

You are the good in the world. I am the one who needs you.
We, can be happy--but? You have to be down.

We are but one world of many. I am down in the happy-good.
You, who the - needs you? You can have the to.

We consume big and create little,
we like neat things instead of the mess.
Wake up in the middle of our lives to find
we only thought to buy more and pay less.

Attention to the price tag—Need
the hottest J's, the nicest bags.
Stupidly married to the common cents,  
we divorce from time and meaning spent.

With our friends and families, we are short.
Our support is digital. Our talk is report.
We don’t bother to calculate what they add;
high bandwidth and credit subtract the sad.

Truth is no longer requested offline;
we readily settle with others’ designs.
Two-Day shipping makes us smile,
for happiness we wait no while.

I got AT&T; not ****** Mobile,
but I’m a mobile ******, with an STD:
Stupid Talent, Dude.
Haven’t even gotten my first ****
yet, or my noodle wet.

no

Marry me to the dollars that were never mine
to begin with, or end in my divorce from time and bandwidth.

Date me like the daze you're in,
free from Good, but taxed by Sin.

Dump me when you've gotten full,
go fool around with other rules,

and die a loan too short and cruel.

ACT I

MR. REYNOLDS: university linguistics professor in his 30's.

MS. LENDER: 1st-year graduate student in the university linguistics program.

SARAH: university undergraduate.

Scene 1

MR. REYNOLDS' office. The walls are covered with prestigious accolades and degrees. MR. REYNOLDS and MS. LENDER are sitting together, both with good posture, on one side of the table. SARAH is sitting comfortably in a chair on the other side.

MR. REYNOLDS

Okay, first of all, Sarah, I want to thank you for taking the time out of your day to work with Ms. Lender and I.

SARAH

Oh, like no problem at all. When I saw the bulletin saying that you guys needed like research subjects, I thought to myself that I would like love to talk and help.

MS. LENDER

(Staring). Do you work in the Student Union? And do you know--

MR. REYNOLDS

Ms. Lender, those questions are irrelevant. Let's get right to the task.

turns to make direct eye contact with SARAH

Are you ready, Sarah?

SARAH

Yes!

MR. REYNOLDS

Great! We are delighted with how excited you are. First question, Sarah. Would a sentence like this be something close to what you might ordinarily hear amongst your peers: 'I think I like like John?'

SARAH

Yeah, totally. Except, if you want to get like technical, I need to ask you like a follow-up question.


MR. REYNOLDS

Oh, there's no need to, Sarah. We're not testing for content. Only grammaticality. There's no need to get--

MS. LENDER

No, please do. Do get technical.

SARAH

I'm just confused with the way the sentence was like worded. Does this person like, like-like John, or does he or she only like John like a friend?

MS. LENDER

I'm sorry, come again? All I heard was a series of 'likes' and what may have been English if we really--

MR. REYNOLDS

Ms. Lender! Excuse me, Sarah. One moment.

SARAH

Oh, no problem.

MR. REYNOLDS turns his chair around to face MS. LENDER. He motions her to do the same.

MR. REYNOLDS

(Whispering). What are you doing? Why are you being so hostile towards our subject?

MS. LENDER

I'm sorry, Mr. Reynolds. It won't happen again. It's just that one of my biggest pet peeves is like-insertion.

MR. REYNOLDS

I understand that, Kathryn, but you are damaging your professional integrity by getting mad at a test subject. Remember, we're only here to record the descriptive rules of English language as it is spoken on campus, not prescribe suggestions or ridicule.Do you understand?

MS. LENDER

Yes, completely.

MR. REYNOLDS

Splendid! Now, let us continue. (Turning). Sarah, may we proceed?

SARAH

Of course, just I have to like leave soon. I'm sorry about that. It was totally like unanticipated that my ride would be here so fast.

MR. REYNOLDS

Oh not a problem at all, we can continue this another time if we have to, but we'll try to speed things up for you.


Okay. So, the second question runs with the same conditions. Would a sentence like this be something close to what you might say personally or hear on campus, amongst your peers: 'John and I partied all weekend. Oh well, YOLO!'?

MS. LENDER

Yes, please think really hard to yourself about this one. Are there any John's that you may have partied all weekend with, or for several weekends in a row with, and decided to say at the end of a good run, 'You know what? YOLO! You Only Live Once, so why shouldn't I be an ******* and steal someone's boyfriend?!'

MR. REYNOLDS

That's enough, Ms. Lender! Out of my office, right now.

MS. LENDER grabs her belongings and exits stageleft. She sits outside the closed office door.

SARAH and MR. REYNOLDS make their exit. SARAH is halfway out the door with an apologetic MR. REYNOLDS following on her heel.

MR. REYNOLDS

I'm very sorry for the unexpected turn of events. You will receive due credit if we decide to publish any work containing your responses. Please take care, and once again, I am so sorry.

Sarah walks offstage


Kathryn, we need to talk. I am incredibly disappointed in you. What was that whole fiasco about? You are aware that she was an integral part of the research for your end-of-the-semester project, aren't you?

MS. LENDER

Mr. Reynolds, please forgive me. It's just, of all the kids on campus, it had to be her...I mean, I'm positive it was her. It's just my luck that it had to be Sarah Ross.

MR. REYNOLDS

Pardon? Where did you get Ross from? I'm afraid I don't understand, Kathryn. Her full name was Sarah Blackstone.