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  Feb 2020 Gabrielle Isa
Pagan Paul
Last night
she said I was cold.
Surrounded in a halo of frost.
It burnt her fingers
as she dared to touch,
but there was little there.
Just … frost-bite,
and the sense
that she was alone in the room.
In body I was there,
but the Boat of Millions of Years
was sailing through my eyes
to the intended destination,
my lost mind.
She called to me
but I was to far to hear.
Down her soft cheeks
the tears did stream,
as she screamed my name
over and over.
She screamed until
the screams turned to sobs,
as the slow realisation
that I no longer knew her,
knew me, knew anything,
hit her like a wave of grief,
freezing her emotions dead.
Last night
she said I was cold.
And I was cold
because I knew that it was
our Last Night.

© Pagan Paul (16/02/20)
Gabrielle Isa Feb 2020
"Don't be desperate"

No, this desire can't be desperation
But even if it was...
Is it so bad?

Is it so bad to want to be held?
To have arms wrap around you;
To bury your face in a chest
Whose heart beat steadies yours.

Is it so bad to want joy?
To have someone laugh with you
And not at you.
To bask in another's laughter;
A laughter that spills from a bottomless well
Of hopes, and dreams, and beautiful memories.

Is it so bad to want to be seen?
To swim in the depths of another's eyes
And to know that when you come up
They would have seen you...all of you
And yet they will not shy away.

Is it so bad to want to be loved?
To be accepted for your imperfections,
To be valued not because of what you can do
But just because of who you are.

Is it so bad to want to be loved?

Is it so bad that I want to be loved?
  Feb 2020 Gabrielle Isa
your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you
if only i could chase you with pizza but shots don't work like that
  Dec 2019 Gabrielle Isa
They said rest in peace when I died.
I wish they would've said the same to the piece of me that was alive.
Because nobody cares until you die.
Gabrielle Isa Dec 2019
To the person who wishes to leave me,
Please do not wait to do so.
When you feel as though the end has come
Be kind to me and let us go.

There is no mercy in waiting.
To allow me too keep falling deeper into love
When you know you no longer can catch me,
Is to watch me die a slow death.

Every minute that you stay,
Is another minute I have to erase.
Now I must battle the memories that try to drown me,
The sorrow that pours itself from my eyes.
I must take more time to forget this and you.

Please do not be selfish.

"I've felt this way for a while now"
These words are poison, they are cruel.
Because saying you don't love me anymore
Is not the same as implying you didn't love me before.
These words will ruin our story,
They will taint our history,
They will make me wonder if you ever loved me at all.
This is the first poem I've posted in a long time, and I'm really glad to be back! I've got loads of drafts to work on and publish so I'm really excited.
Gabrielle Isa May 2019
"No, it wasn't like that"
"Thats not how I remember it"
"I swear it wasn't me!"

So it was just your hands then.

Your hands that slipped under skirts
And ignored my whispers of 'Please Stop'.
Hands that felt me freeze up in horror
But continued their exploration.
Your hands that held me down while other hands
Tore away at my soul.
Those hands that ruined me.

So maybe then that's why,
Men may kiss me and lie that they love me
But I will never let them touch me.
Because in the lines of their palms
I see sleepless nights, tear soaked pillows
And a girl who couldn't understand why it was her fault
When the world decided to blame her.

I have learnt not to be afraid of men,
But a part of me will always fear their hands.
Gabrielle Isa Nov 2018
"Do not disappoint me"
My father says...

...I will try my best not to;
I will not weep when they place the veil on my head
I will not tremble when they place my hand in his.
I will not scream on my wedding night;
I refuse to give him the satisfaction.

I will give him a full household
But he will never be content.
Yet I made a promise to my father.
So when bruises litter my body
And my mother weeps at the sight of me
I will not shed a single tear.

I will fight;
For every blow, I will be cunning
For every strike laid upon me
I will be three times as cruel.
In this battle for my sanity
I will give all I have and then some;
I have vowed that if he tries to make life hell,
Then I will be his devil.

I will not let him **** me;
Not like they did my sisters.
No; I am no a small candle,
I am full of sound and fury
And when they tell my tale
It will signify something.

And before they lay my body
In this cold earth, where all great women go;
As my husband swears I am a demon
With blood dripping from his wounded eye
And bruises on his beaten body,
I will tell my father,
Right before he kills me
"Do not disappoint me"
And he won't...

...He will not weep when they place the shroud on my head
He will not tremble when they place me in my grave
He will not scream out and mourn
Long into the night, like his brethren.
He will refuse to give me the satisfaction.
Just something that came to me after reading some Child Bride stories, watching a few documentaries and reading some fiction books.
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