I drop these words into a
raging sea of letters,
bursting from my chest
they are lost now.
The question is not,
Can you hear me?
But,
Do you want to?

Sister,
you are daughter to our father.
Set in your ways
of practicality and reason.
Frigid, you are hunks of ice
clinking in my glass.
Never one to walk
barefoot over fire.
Rather, safe in your tower
of solitude.

Brother,
you are son to our mother.
Perpetually stumbling
down steps
               of regret
                       and carelessness.
Steaming, you are ashes
burning, ripping through the
end of my cigar.
Tirelessly chasing after
momentary balance
of your scales.

Me,
I am both mother and father,
both brother and sister.
Eternally tangled,
my strings of rationality
knotted with my
also impetuous strands.

My words feed from the flesh
that gives them strength, my pain

I let the writer in me die,
suffocated by my joy

In a world of sunshine
still the darkness creeps in

It is so frigid in the shade

When all have turned away
from the lifeless poet,
her fingers twitch at last

Reborn to pour her soul
onto paper with words
whether blissful or wretched

She awakens.

A drop of you falls from

my left canine tooth

and my tongue receives

its biggest rush.

It comes to mind that

maybe it is not lipstick

that stains my mouth

crimson after all.

As I look down upon you

squirming in your own

personal cherry colored

body paint,

I can barely hold in

a wicked giggle.

I’m not sure if I prefer

the click-clack of my

high heels on the

now contaminated tiles,

or your screams.

Don’t worry,

I’ll lock the door behind me.

I look at the way raindrops

slide down the glass of

my bedroom windows

and I wonder if they love it

as much as I adore when

your fingertips slide down

my skin almost the same way.

If I were glass and you

were water,

I’d wish for rain everyday.

If your last breath was 
taken
in front of my 
weeping eyes,

my lips would not 
know a
sorrow worse
 than kissing you
for
 the last time. 

Your wounds visible,

and mine bleed on the

inside as yours do onto

the now crimson concrete.

My lips and fingertips are

stained scarlet by your demise,

I still crave you like I used to. 

I won’t let a drop of you go

to waste my darling.

My tongue tastes whats

left of you and I know now

that love is the most sick

form of beauty that I’ve seen.

Stranded out in the bitter cold
wind slicing up my cheeks
while it slaps me with its icy fingers

Limbs buried in the dense snow
weighed down by the frozen
hopelessness that is as far as the
eye can bare to see

Although weakness threatens me
and death nips at my nose
I beg of all to leave me be,
I dare them

For I know that through the
darkest night of my life
thoughts of you will rush
to comfort me

I think of your piercing eyes
and how the blueness calms me

My mind runs to thoughts of
your lips- to each pure kiss

These frigid fingertips of mine yearn
to be entwined with yours once more

As love awakens in me
the warmth you’ve embedded
into my being multiplies

I find myself free of the icy *******
in a pool of warm hopefulness  

Green emerges from the thousand
shades of melting white
and I know lovely things will grow
from what I have made it through

The sun kisses every inch of me
the way only you do and I know
I can get back to you now.

I feel a hundred emotions burning in me,
waiting to erupt like lava from the Earth
while I fight to hold them in.

I cannot quite imagine a sorrow
like the one that would drown me
if you were to start a new life like
you say you want to.

The idea runs through me,
a venom that threatens my heart.
I’m choking on the thought.

I think of this, and then look into your eyes.
What would I do if they told me goodbye?
To truly love someone, is unselfish.
Go if you feel that’s your dream.

But I cannot help but wonder
how fast my heart would crumble.
I cannot help but wonder
what those infamous “goodbye” kisses feel like.
A bittersweet taste for the lips.

I've heard a kiss can ****.

Each day that passes

you will love her more

and you will love me less

until I've faded from your

consciousness.

I can either let it
consume me and
destroy me and
s w a l l o w
me whole

or I can continue
on about my days
with new faces and
old faces and laughter
to mend my heart

Just know
I can never rid myself
of the love I had for you,
traces of it forever
flowing through my veins.

The time will pass us regardless

so why watch it go by (in tragedy)

instead of running with it? (an adventure)

every single word that

once dripped

from your lips

                                                lies

I quietly sink into the blackness; I am being ****** down into the quicksand of midnight.

There are no screams of mine to silence.

I beg the darkness to take me now.

I shall know no more sorrow, once my heart ceases to beat.

Swiftly take me darling, oh how handsome Death is.

You loved her so,
more than you  loved me.

I wonder if she was your mistress...

or if in fact I was the other woman after all.

We had many threesomes
full of intoxicating bliss,

but eventually you picked her
over me.

I don't think you'll ever leave her.

I used to crave your lips,

I used to live to kiss them sweetly.

Now I

want to bite them off of your face.

I want to watch you bleed

on the outside,

like I did on the inside.

maybe more dead walk the earth

than we’re willing to admit

when your heart is just a rotten

slab of meat that hangs in your chest

and you struggle to rise each day

just dragging through the motions of life

your limbs heavy with sorrow

..are you really alive?

Hating you I do not do.

My own self is who my anger lies with now.

For it is of my own will that when I think of you- see you

that I do not feel whole;

it is like a piece of me is missing, just out of reach, maybe even dead.

I feel different now.

I have somehow picked up my shattered pieces and glued

them back together,

yet it feels as though they are arranged differently now..

I am uncertain if you took a part of me with you,

or if I put it in your pocket.

Or better yet there remains a possibility it roams endlessly, alone, with no set destination,

maybe even searching for the pieces of you it once knew.

I remain in the corner of my mind,

crying inside, screaming, clawing at a way out, yearning for that missing piece of me- you.

Your words- your
indifference,

they turned me to stone.
My heart- my once liquid
insides- are hardened now.

I bet you could capture the envy of Medusa herself.

Reality visited and crushed me to marble bits.
You took a piece with you,
I thought to cherish always.

But you tossed it- me
into the seemingly bottomless ocean
without ever looking back; you wouldn’t dare.

I remain still, unmoving.
I know not of time any longer.

Darkness so endless,
where light is but a distant stranger.

Sound does not travel a journey that far.

This liquid barrier is the only touch I have to comfort me.

the weight of my life

so heavy it crushes me

I hear my ribs break

ice-cold to the touch

a heart of stone, you’re bloodless

that is what you are

hands covered in blood

covering the gaping hole

you left in my chest

I have wept in endless meadows

while I have plucked

the petals of every single flower

that I have laid my fingers upon

and each time they tell me,

“He loves me not,”

I find another flower.

What will become of me

when you find another?

What will happen to these lips

that used to kiss you deeply,

and these fingertips

that used to touch you sweetly?

I can tell you that

these eyes

will drown themselves

with sorrow,

each night they close

I wonder

will you still love me

tomorrow?

In my dreams – no, more like nightmares
you softly brush my cheek with your hand
before you lean in for the sweetest kiss..
Sometimes you even tell me you were wrong,
that you were wrong to let our love go.
Oh but in my most twisted night terrors
you look into my eyes, right through to my core
and whisper,
“I love you.”

My flowing red insides
turned to concrete
and almost tore
right through my flesh
to hit the floor
when
I saw you
standing there
yesterday.
It was almost like
peering into a past life,
but you never
looked my way….

You lured me in that night
with words that concealed
the monster you’d unleash.

Then it just-
Hit me.
Like a red block of concrete,
a bone-breaking brick
smashed straight into my face.
With every poisoned syllable
that poured from your mouth,
another jagged tooth
sunk into my flesh.

Disbelief struck the side
of my head like a baseball bat,
while Sorrow tore through
the very flesh of my heart,
a bullet sent from Hell itself.

All of my blood
that once coursed through
my veins for you,
now in puddles on the floor.

You left me,
lifeless.

I miss you
sometimes.
Usually when its
the darkest out,
and the quietest,
that ache
creeps into my
chest.
But you
wouldn’t know
the feeling.

Theres a theory
I hold onto.
One that says
every seven years,
each skin cell in your
body is renewed.

But
I cannot wait that long
to have skin that
hasn’t felt your
fingertips running
down my back,
or your tongue
dancing to the
rhythm of our
breathing.

I cannot wait that long
to have skin that
hasn’t felt your
sweet kisses,
that sent a sugar rush.


But at least
in seven years,
my skin
can forget.

You
******
my scarlet
blood
right out
from
my veins.

My heart
put on it's glasses
I see clearly, now.

Theres a wind
present in each
of our lives..
The calmest breeze
can blow people
right into our path,
and a trecherous one
can whisk people away
in an instant.
We're all just
leaves in the Fall,
and only the
wind
knows all.

My mind seems to
be an endless
labyrinth of pitch black
passageways
with a different
devil ‘round every
corner.

Mirages paint the
sky-scraping walls that
taunt me endlessly.
Voices fool me with
the lovely melody of
their false words.

It is a
frigid
damp
lonely
journey.
Home to
every
nightmare.

And every single
time I reach that
exit door..
I open
it only to
be faced
with a wall of
BRICK.

You stole it
from me,
my most favorite
season of all.
You crumpled up
the pictures I
created in my mind,
and burned them
in the fire of
my pain.
Now I am alone,
to gather pumpkins
in the chilled breeze,
in silence instead
of laughter.
The haunted hay rides
will be far less
terrifying,
than the night you
left me.
I wear a mask
everyday now,
numbing my
excitement for
this years costume.
Wherever I am,
all dressed up
I'll remember how
I was supposed to
be with you.

You left me,
when the seasons changed.
You followed summer,
right out of my life.

I am now alone,
my heart turning colder
with the weather.

I slip on
a pretty mask,
hiding it all
away.

Wandering through
this labyrinth

I'm scared there's..
no way out.

Tonight
I lost you,
I lost you
tonight.

Tonight
I will not lose you,
I will not lose you
tonight.

This time I swear to you
there are NO words
to convey my sorrow

I can barely make it
through today
Without you
there is no tomorrow

I am devastated
desolate
you could even
say i'm ruined

Perhaps you'll
read the definitions
to capture the
dark language
in which im fluent

Instead of using useless words
that will only come up short

I should just spill
my blood
right onto this page
to this I have had
to resort.

Every ounce of lonely you've pushed away
throughout the day.

Lines separating love and insanity,
oh how they blur frequently.

Trying to **** blood from stone,

will it ever bleed?

It’s hard to fight that
little teeny tiny voice
that softly whispers,
“Starve..”
and when I do fight it,
she ceases to whisper,
now yelling,
frantically screaming,
shouting through
her tears,
“STARVE!”

When I eat it’s like I’m,
hurting her,
killing her.
I feel guilty,
although
she is nasty,
mean,
with never a kind word
to share with me,
unless I listen to her.
Oh how she tempts me,
pretending to befriend me..
complimenting me
while I fight those
hunger pains,
she keeps me
going…

Yet I know I
have to end
our disastrous friendship.
Friend?
She is an,
enemy.

Ah but sometimes,
in the secrecy of my
own fragile mind,
I let her words,
linger…
I push her away,
and she crawls
back to me.
I wish she would
just… leave me be.

Oh Ana,
I’m sorry,
I cannot be friends,
anymore.

I can see you
standing down there
feet hidden by
the over growing
blades of grass,
I just can't wait
to get to you.
You're looking
up at me,
from the bottom
of the hill,
hands patiently waiting
in the pockets
of your blue jeans.
The smile you
so casually flash me
is brighter, warmer
than the sun itself.
I can't stand
not being by your side
for a moment longer.
Do I just,
jump, dive?
I close my eyes
and count,
1...2...3
And now im
tumbling,
absolutely falling,
for you

Slice open the flesh
of my abdomen,
to release the butterflies,
its all so calm now.
Stitch me up,
sew me shut,
make me whole again.
Maybe that’s what
love is after all,
knowing you still
hold that scalpel
and trusting you not
to rip open my
stitches.

Only the closest
people to my heart,
know my love of the
cemetery.
Oh how I yearn
to walk its endless
pathways and through
its fresh-cut prickly grass.
The quietest place on
the whole entire earth.
A symbol of love
and grief all wrapped
together in the black
box of death,
tied with a silver
shining bow
of memories.
And what better than
the cemetery and,
you?

You didn’t even flicker
at my thought of having
a picnic in the cemetery.
And thats when,
I knew.

Mirror, mirror
On the wall
Who’s the fairest of them all?

This cracked reflection
Haunts me,
Taunts me.
Do they see,
What I see?
If they do,
Lie to me.
This beast before me,
Knows no love.

Oh twisted mirror,
You’ve ruined me so.
They see a pretty face,
With a precious glow.
And if I dare to look
I tremble at the image
You cruely bestow.

Mirror, mirror
On the wall,
Tears knock me
To my knees
Forever I’ll crawl.

I cannot stand these waves of loneliness

that wash upon the shores of all that I am.

Wade in my waters

dig your toes in my sand.

For what is the beauty of the beach

without the presence of man?

While I lay here
blades of grass tickle
my feet

Sun shining brightly
warming my face
with its cheer

And the wind blows
just enough
to rustle the leaves

Maybe if I close
my eyes
for a moment

I can imagine
someone lovely
sharing this with me

And then she was gone
lost
ran away,
with the wind.

If you listen closely
whispers
you can hear her,
within rustling leaves.

All she ever wanted
love
but each door,
was slammed shut.

So she faded away slowly
dissolved
evermore she’ll roam,
melancholy amid the wind.

Always

blood smeared
nightmares,

don’t panic

late
night
screams