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Jaine Feb 2018
She said she'd always be there

She said she'd always be there for me
As I weep on the floor of the bathroom after I had just emptied the contents of my stomach

She said said she'd always be there for me
As I scream and hit my head against the cabinet because the pain in my chest is excruciating

She'd said she'd always be there for me
But where was she when her and my dad yell at each other and I'm in my room silently crying as to not become the target of their wrath

Where was she when she yells at me telling me she doesnt want to see my face anymore

Where was she when I had nightmares and went to her for help and she just brushed me aside angrily and went back to bed

Where was she when I had my first major mental break down at six years old and my dad threw me into a cold shower telling me to calm down, making me cry more and the wrath become more severe

Where was she when I was nine and she yells at me because I dropped her Pyrex dish, calling me useless and then disappears into her bathroom to go smoke a joint

Where was she when I was ten years old crying and holding my knees because anywhere was better than there

Where is she where I sit in my bathroom with a blade and bad intentions

She'd said she'd always be there for me, but she's the reason I need someone in the first place
765 · Aug 2018
Since you left
Jaine Aug 2018
Since you left all I’ve felt is an emptiness

An emptiness in my hand,
where yours used to reside
An emptiness on my lips,
where you placed yours so tenderly

An emptiness in my bed,
where you laid by my side
An emptiness on my phone,
where you used to send sweet word to me

An emptiness in my ears,
where your voice clearly lied
And an emptiness on my chest,
where you ripped out my heart so savagely

Since you left all I’ve felt is an emptiness
440 · Apr 2019
I will survive
Jaine Apr 2019
I will survive
Not for you, not my family, not for anyone but myself
I will survive
Because I am worth living for
I will survive
Even though the going is rough with no sign of stopping
I will survive
For those moments of pure bliss and happiness
I will survive
I will prove myself wrong and show my self that I’m worth it and so
I will survive
Jaine Aug 2018
They say there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel
But what happens when the tunnel collapses on you
You can run as fast as you can towards the so called light
You can stumble along in the darkness with blind faith
Hoping that one day you’ll see the comforting light in the distance
And all of that is for nothing when it all comes tumbling down on you
Taking your freedom away for the houndreth time
230 · Feb 2018
Jaine Feb 2018
The way you smile when I kiss your cheek
The way you laugh when I make a bad joke
The way you sing off key to your favorite songs
The way you snuggle up next to me when we sleep
The way you hold my hand and squeeze it to let me know you’re there
The way you take a lifetime to eat a meal
The way you make me feel
219 · Feb 2018
Emotional Cheating
Jaine Feb 2018
You seem so distant
Much different than you were when we first met
You stopped telling me to text when I got home safe
You stopped holding my hand infront of your friends
You stopping texting me and seeing how my day was
You stopped hugging me
You always seemed to be busy when I wanted to see you
You didn’t smile when I told you you were cute
You just stopped caring about me

My friend told me they heard you talking about another girl
So I asked you if you were seeing someone else
You changed the subject every time
Then I finally got you to say it
You had another ******* your mind
You weren’t cheating on me
You weren’t With another girl
You just thought about her all the time
I don’t know which of them is worse
Being cheated on or being a second thought
201 · Feb 2018
Jaine Feb 2018
Bipolar is a tricky thing
One second is the time of you life
The next your wishing for death
You confuse people with your emotions
Little do they know
They confuse you too
You wish you were normal
You wish you could change
But this is your life
Forever confused
159 · Apr 2019
Being a burden
Jaine Apr 2019
I’m a burden
I’ve been told time and time again
I’m too much
I have too many problems
I need to keep my emotions to myself
No one will ever love you
I need to chill out
If I can’t stop I should just leave
My own mother once told me to go
No one lets me stay because as I said
I’ve been told time and time again
I’m a burden
136 · Feb 2018
You took it from me
Jaine Feb 2018
You took it away
My sweetest escape
Now I’m done
My hope is gone
You took the best of me
Now I yearn to leave
My love is left behind
Now all I do is cry
It took me a life time
To find my escape
Then you stripped it from my hands
Now all I live for is the day I’m no longer here

— The End —