For you
I will be the housewife
and obey
and put on my stained apron
with my weathered cracking hands
and cook
your meals hot

For you
I will be the mother
and tell our wonderful blessings
of the perfect man
I met
and how he
fixed me

For you
I will be the good daughter
and force a fake smile
when your mother tells you
that you could do better


For you
I will be the friend
and be your punching bag
in your drunken state
and forgive you
when you come too

For you
I will be the love of your life
and be with you
in all your hardships
and puffy eyes
that even I can’t understand

it was always her
that tasted like narcotics
and smoke
everything bittersweet in between

but to her
i tasted of water
and time passing
a shrug, a sideways glance

she tasted like cotton candy
and had skin pale like snow
she was the reason
i gave up painting
the colours
and the strokes

her lips tasted like narcotics
and yet i felt the revolution
kissed her fingertips
and smelled marijuana

the dark eyes


and the reckless abandon

but she consumes my mind all the time
you can't grow a new heart

but ****,
i wish i could.

she is not the innocence
of the sweet ladies in the water
but the sirens that call to me
beckoning,
never touching

she no longer resembles
the sunset at the ocean
but the violent waves
that tossed the ship

and she is never the sunshine
that guided my mast to shore
but the red light, the fog
that left me wondering
and
lost

half-closed eyes
and hidden freckles
under smudged concealer

her hair falls long
sunshine
turned to red light
and darkness

it is not Her
let me find peace