I have to learn how to live
Without you, once again
To wake up to my own quiet mornings
And start my daily routine
Without the sound of your car engine in the background

I must get used to booking flights
With no one but me in mind
Not trying to adjust to your schedule;
To picking up my bags and quenching my lust for adventure
At my own pace

I should sing myself to sleep at night,
A lullaby of solitude
Gradually forgetting the sound of your breath
Syncing with mine as we enter dreamland

For everything is fleeting
Someday soon
You will fly away
And only the self remains

The mighty Ganges continues to flow
Through land toiled by blood and tears
But little do the people know
Our love has long counted the years

As the stars twinkle in the night
And lovers gaze upon their glory
They recall our song and shine their light
To tell the world about our story

Before the waves crashed upon the shore
And the thunder roared up in the skies
They sat in a circle in days of yore
And nightly sang our love's reprise

And as the mountains crumble to dust
And the winds herald the closing of the gates
Remember, my love, oh if forget you must
Our love will endure, even Time will wait

What do you say to life
When it comes knocking on your door
Saying "Your time is almost up"
And you look at all these things
You wasted

Remember that dusty keyboard your mother bought for you
Instead of buying groceries she bought you that
Because you'd always wanted to play the piano
But your family budget wouldn't allow
Extra expenses for the lessons and the piano
And you played simple nursery rhymes on it
London bridge and twinkle twinkle
And found joy in matching some notes from songs you loved
But you took it for granted
And that sacrifice
Was wasted on you

See those gray hair stands your father started having when you went to college
And you believe it was most likely because he was trying to send both you and your sister to good schools
Because your government fails to provide free quality education
To the youth it expects to carry the nation through
Yet when was the last time you touched that hair
Do you even recall how it feels to run your hand through your father's hair,
His face,
His floor plans?
Those
Were wasted on you

Hear your sister breathe peacefully
As she dreams of the storks movie you went to see this afternoon
In your futile attempt
To correct all the wrongs you did to her for twelve years of her life
How your destructive, violent behavior
Was always poured out into her sweet, innocent soul
Because you justified that you were afraid
That if she didn't fear you
She would never learn to be strong
And face the world
But in truth you were just a monster
And you realize now
Now that time's running out
You realize that those first twelve years were the most important
Because if you only did the right things
Your bond would have been cemented
But you were a monster
Who did not know how to express the tides of love
Who damaged her emotionally by pelleting her with bullets of unnecessary lectures about the pettiest things
And you cry and plead
For life to bring it all back
To bring all those years back
Because more than anything else in the world
It is your sister you love most
And she was wasted on you

I have always had this unfortunate tendency
To feel bad about hurting the people who've hurt me

As I move along the line
Your absence will constantly remind
Me that you chose to stay
In that same destructive state
Rather than blossom into
A better person

You failed to realize
That in raising a child
You also have to grow
Up and outward to show
Them how to live
A life worth living

So absorbed in the me, me, me
Covered your eyes so you'd not see
That you let the monster in
Allowed it to eat your children
Until they became as poisoned
As your soul

I wonder how many people
Spend every day of their lives
In happiness or despair,
In rapture or apathy
Without knowing
That a poet bled ink
To write about them.

O mother,
Ye the sea who hast crashed upon the shores,
And shapest the precipitous cliffs of my childhood
Thy lull hast eternally calmed me to slumber
In truth the ululating howl of thy grief
For the moon.
The jaundiced glow of the distant orb
Beckoned upon thy aching soul and
As the world turned each night
Thy waves slammed harder against the cliffs
Not as easily hewn as the rocks of my youth
Thy insidious carving would taketh aeons to break them.
Farther and farther from me
I stood steadfast and watched
The waters yearning for the lunar glory
So distant yet magnetic,
Uncovering the depths of thy being
Something a stationary monolith
Can only ever dream of

From far away, a voice recalled
Me to the days gray, gone, and old
Dear mother tucked me in to bed
And warned me of the night ahead

Of the many monsters lying in wait
For an innocent child to bite the bait
From head to toe, they'd eat you whole
Skin and hair and bones and all

But daylight it was when uncle Strouss
Brought Teddy into his colorful house
His dad's brother helped him unbutton
While in the frame, Jesus looked on

And don't forget, it was a bright day
With Dianne there along the walkway
Wearing her shorts; the weather was hot
But those who saw her called her "****"

It was a good time, Lyda thought
To try out the new dress she bought
But men around her looked at her funny
Eyes all over her temple, her body

Mike went out for a drink with Sybill
He didn't know that drink had a little pill
The next day he woke up stark naked in bed
Beside the monster he thought was his friend

Among necktied men, Jenny sat busy
Focused on work for a 6-digit salary
But some monsters are pros too, chum
And he felt her up and left her mum

And as I tuck you in to bed, my child
I will tell you all this world is scary and wild
It is never safe for you and Teddy,
And Dianne and Lyda and Mike and Jenny

And when all has been said and all has been done
That's when you realize just how wrong you've become
Time and time again, you let your walls fall apart
And time and time again again, build them around your heart
Because despite promising to keep yourself hid
You silently hope someday someone will rid
You of your sorrows and take time to unfold
The stories within you now getting cold
But for all the cement you've wasted on rebuilding
You should by now have more than just an inkling
That no walls are too high for someone intent
To touch your soul and ease your torment
No Woody, no Pooh will come warm your soul
And the camel is tired from running after your goal
So keep to the silence and for the thousandth time say
Alone means less joy, but also less gray

She snapped at the bus driver
Put on a grumpy face
Must've pulled an all-nighter
Explains the lack of grace
That night again you meet her
And remember who she is
That dying child's mourning mother
Come to give him one last kiss
One **** remark might offend
Outsiders who know nothing
But she was facing her beloved's end
Forgive me for immediately judging

As I watched the tears stop flowing
Down the face I loved so well
I realized in that instant
It was the biggest mistake of my life
Letting my right fly across her cheek
Blind anger wasn't justification
Nor her reasons for falling out of love
But the thought of his lips
Touching the mouth that whispered
Words that could shake my world
Was a serpent that coiled round my heart
She turned her back for the door
My core, my love, my life
Leaving the way she had come
I reached and struggled
And fell asleep entangled
On the floor, between the ******* of comfort
And everything was fine
Tomorrow, too, and the next
Until one sunset soon after
I found the room empty
Except for her memories
And her laughter, her scent
Her spirit, her ghost
I ran, I ran, I ran
Like a magnet pulled toward the north
I searched for her
My core, my love, my life
I ran until my years had come and gone
I searched until my eyes were holes
But I never would've found her
Had she not revealed herself
And embracing her I knew
That her body was my place in the universe
The wound in her heart had healed
The wound in my right festered
Eaten by guilt every single day
My left atoned by fitting
A ring of our eternal covenant
Through her finger, one of ten
That would brush my hair 'til I felt safe
To the end of her days
Next hour will mark the seventh year
Of the world's continued existence
Without the beauty of her life
And with my two hands I wish
With all the heart of a tired and longing man
For a place in the sky
Where I could meet her again
My core, my love, my life

If my father was a mountain
I'd never mountainclimb
If my father was a door
I'd never come inside
If my father was a garden
He'd have a fence for me
If my father was a father
Now that's a different story

If my father was a bridge
Who you kidding? Bridge to what?
If my father was a wallet
Well he wouldn't have much
If my father was a desert
I wouldn't be the rain
If my father was medicine
I'd most likely be in pain

If my father was a house
I'd rather stay homeless
If my father was a shirt
I'd always wear a dress
If my father was a pepsi bottle
I'd choose the one in can
Life would have been better
Had my father been a softer man

Little bird, the Little bird
She'd always dreamed to fly
To lush greens and rolling hills
And the warmth of summer's sigh

Little bird, the Little bird
She'd always dreamed to go
To dance with silk and satin
And say goodbye to snow

Little bird, the Little bird
She'd always dreamed to see
Her garden flowers in full bloom
While sipping her afternoon tea

Little bird, oh Little bird
If only you had known.
Now your wings are clipped, clipped, clipped
And your pretty mouth is sewn

Little bird, oh Little bird
It's not the hills that are rolling
But what was between his shoulders
And the sept bells are a-tolling

Little bird, oh Little bird
Even your Nest they've taken away
The Lions and Flowers are dancing now
Round and round their tasty prey

Little bird, my Little bird
When will you ever see
I will wait for you to howl again
And remember the Wolf you're meant to be

Could it have been me
Free to see
Those eyelids close
So slowly
Like they're sleepy

Would it have been me
Free to brush
Your light hair
Like they're clouds
I've always wished
To feel

Could it have been me
Free to touch
Your face
Always ready for a smile

Would it have been me
Free to look
Into those eyes
That can see the beauty,
That can see so many

Could it have been me
Free to hold
The hand
That creates
Wonder from simplicity

Would it have been me
Free to hear
Your thoughts
And your innermost desires

Could it have been me
Free to experience
The colors
You fill your world with

Would it have been me
Free to bathe
In your silence
While you dream

Could it have been me
Free to wipe away
Your tears
Your fears
Your hesitations

Or would it not have mattered
Because you love her
Not because she came first
Into your life
But because
She is your perfection
And I cannot compare
And all I can do
Is love you
Quietly
Content
From afar

Silent steps
Then a moan of pain
And a stream of angry words.
Not again, you think
But it would seem
The phantom
is back.
Give up the sense of hearing
If only you'd never again hear them
Make that noise.
Cut the strings soon
But let them hang comfortably.
Would they prefer to be hanged together?
For the first time
In many years
He cried.
Because just when you think
The world is beautiful
You realize that
It's beautiful
In an ugly way.
Maybe you're not apathetic
Because it breaks you
to see her hurt.
to see him hurt.
to be hurt.

It's tough holding on
It's tough trying to be selfless
It's tough acting as the glue
That holds all the broken pieces.

It's tough pretending each new day
It's like piling dirt on a corpse
Constantly resurfacing, never fully hidden
Until it's so high, this mound of yours.

But you can't parade a corpse in public
It's smelly. It's ugly. It's dead.
So grab that shovel and dig dig dig
Until your pretty hands are bled.

I open the old, dusty attic window
Closed for so long, house of another Charlotte
And though it takes time, and the dust,
Still, I open the old, dusty attic window.

I had no plans on sneezing, no dust
will make me sneeze, is what I said
And I had time to spare, if there ever
was time to be nostalgic, it was this.

I open, open the old, dusty attic window
And see, through both black and white and
colored, simultaneously, I see the memories
Flashing back, like they weren't mine.

Are they real? Yes, they are. They just
don't feel like they come from me.
More like I'm audience inside me
Through the old, dusty attic window.

I play through the see-saw, and
slide down the slide, swing through
the swing, all the while with
different, many, many different people.

But she is the one I remember most.
She makes me sneeze, from the dust.
I should have known, and I sit
And watch the two of us, just the two of us.

How she would share the slide, and
push my swing with her might
And how I'd refuse to let her play
Just make her push me, and push.

How she'd be the tag, and look
and look for me, only to realize
That I have left her, have left
her counting, and hoping, and alone.

How I'd push her so she'd hurt
herself. How I'd almost push her so
she'd still get hurt anyway. How
she'd look up and smile and stand.

How she'd sometimes go quiet, some-
times go sad, though she'd never
really show, and still smile, and
push my swing and play with me.

How I'd turn my back when I think
she needed me most, and convince
myself that for some reason she
deserved it, to be alone.

And I wonder now, when I turned my
back, did she ever cry? Was I important
enough to have called to surface
The tears she so effectively can hide?

Did she love me enough that she
could endure? Or was I nothing so
she could shrug off the
bullyings that I did?

And I close the old, dusty attic window
Because she makes the dust make me sneeze.
And I still sneeze, because she always could,
Always, make the dust make me sneeze.

And now that she's in another playground
With more willing playmates who don't leave
Her alone in hide & seek, I wish to go
back and have her again.

And I think if I could have moved on
To the next playground with her, would
she still have played with me,
Although she is well-loved by others?

And I know (like I always have, only that I was
too selfish to acknowledge) that I have
hurt her, and she did not deserve
But still she stayed with me.

And I will always sneeze from her dust
Her way to remind me, my way to remind me
That for all the times she smiled, for all the times I
hurt her, I hurt myself more.

But, really, you have to remember
That they had as much choice
As you did when you
Had to get to work at six.

They might’ve wanted
Someone with a birthmark
Light-brown, heart-shaped,
Say, on the left arm.

They might prefer those
Straight teeth, white and all,
To go with a smile
Whenever you come and check.

I bet they would’ve chosen
A soft touch, warm and friendly
Not the only ones (you think)
You can provide, given the time.

And who knows, maybe they also
Sigh with relief when,
Come two o’clock, charts closed,
You take off your nurse’s cap.