when did she go?
I lost her far before
I met her,
On that awkward morning
of our first lesson together
She (of course) had no intention
of speaking to me
mainly because I asked her
what her hobby was

When did I lose her?
Was it when we got too
close together as two flames
should not be
that we burned the
forest down with us?
Leaving charred marks
on the floor of our
devastation

Our will to hold on
was never everlasting
as one of us was bound
to slip away
to the smoke
and our flames would
reduce to when we
were scrawny helpless
tweens

But my love for you will remain evermore, until the last star burns out in the last galaxy of the last universe.

She said she loved me
She said she cared
She said “hold me”
And hold her, I did

Would she have loved me
if I said yes?
would she have a loved me
if I said no?
She would love me
When I was there
She would love me
When I said “I’m here”

Could she have loved me
When I was far?
Could she have loved me
When I was gone?
She could love me
if I have been near
She could love me
if I cared

Should she have loved me if I killed her?
Should she love me if I died?
She should love me
when I was vulnerable
She should love me
when I was close off.

She said she loved me
So it must be true.

rotting in the ground from head to toenails
sinking in the twisted earth to let
the flowers grow through concrete
cracks made from whippings and beating of the feet
that stand their man-made ground
whilst the critters and bugs
the rabbits and foxes
the deer and wolves
the prey against predators
Scramble in fear

the smoke blows in my favour
it shrouds me in a comforter
that’s heavy on the bones
but light on the souls
that dances around me
singing merry tunes of happy times
and happy times to come
for one soul to connect with another
is a truly pure sight
with passing looks and passing greetings
i would, nevertheless, stay the same

that would be my plan to
trip, fall, stumble
i would lay there
not quite lifeless
but hanging on the edge
of my mind
never wondered further
than a tiptoe away from
her body and no
further would i want to be,
could she see me?

Snow seeps through the skull.
Cold thoughts for a murderer,
who never killed the innocence
of the host,
of the host to shiver at the sight of purity
And maim the actions that should
Be completed before being caught,
Doing such a devious action...
outside of the warm embers of
Security that would be sought after,
and after they were not,
Held accountable for so many cold nights that were spent lying on the floor
And falling no further more,
They would say
“Come here...and lay with me in the driveway...can you feel it?... the cold, it’s so slow and careful...”

How nice it must be to
lay in a bed you made yourself
To dance with death
and have salvaged your wealth
from underneath the soft
grass
Where you lay in solitude
with no one but daises
and buttercups growing above you
waltzing down the aisle
in the blessed church
of where sins are repented &
forgiven when you had the urge to
Go tell your father that
you’ve ran away with a gypsy and a jew
He’ll kneel for you when he
prays
He’ll kneel for you at his favourite pew
The one with enough light from the odd church window
that looked like it would crack
any time the wind blew

Oh, to be in a soft bed of earth and
sinking no further in than at the root of daisies and buttercups