Dig up a hole
Wallow in
The deep pit
Of self-pitying
Results-dreading
Guilt

Well that poem
Just mocked me
Through and through
Good thing you survived
But me
I think I literally died
In that pyroclastic flow

I came here
To seek a place to hide
To seek solace
Because
I'm absolutely tired of
Being judged
I hate
Being misunderstood

Sure
I'm not good with words at all
But
Leave me alone
Stop harping on
My words and
My views

You've misunderstood me
You've judged me
I could have explained
If you hadn't seen through me

But you robbed me of that chance
As you stepped into the
Weaved
Abstract
Cloud of thoughts
That stemmed from you
Not me

ha
         ha
   ha
                       lies
lies
            and
    more
               **lies

You say you detest someone
And then you say you love them
And that cycle repeats
Oh will it ever cease?

I think
I'm not
Bipolar
I think
I am
*Tripolar

But right,
Nobody
Needs me

Have you ever
Been so afraid to fall asleep
Because you know you'll be transported
To a different dimension
One that haunts
Night after night?

Evil
Clinging
Monsters
They haunt you
They scare you
They want to take over your world

They come
Disguised
In
Teeny
Weeny
Packages

Looking harmless
Luring you into their trap
And then they drag you      d
And then they make you f     o
                                               a     w
                                                  l      n
                                                    l
You can't escape
Their menacing grip

You know they're growing
A colony strong
Finding allies
They're out to crush
*You

I'm actually glad
You're laughing
Along with your new deskmates.
Time can do so much,
Breaking down the walls
Between people.
But time is playing tricks on me
Now I'm left all
Alone
As I fade off into the distance.

Loosely releasing words,
Or saying nothing at all
You can't do both,
Stay in the middle.

I miss you
I want to hear you speak again
Your voice
That's comforting
That's entertaining
That skillfully whips out accents
I miss all that.

One after another
A vicious cycle begins
A left out girl.
Now another wishes the tree would fall on herself.
And another won't talk anymore.
Who's next?

I'm very confused
I don't even know myself
I wonder who will?

Well, that's me.

It *****
When I did nothing wrong
Nothing at all
And I've got dragged into this deep ****
You've created
And now I'm dragging my weary soul all around

I did not do anything to deserve
All this torment
And on Monday
I have to pretend nothing happened
Or pretend everything's fine

When it's not alright
I hate pretending
And you forced me into it
And I did nothing to deserve all this.

I've so much
**** ****
To sort out right now
And you keep adding
Adding
Adding
On to the list

I wish that the tree
Would have fallen ******* me
Then I won't come back.

Days like this
Happen too often now
They chase the joy
I used to have
I tried to pull it back
But they leave
From all this ****
I can burst
And never come back again

I have two choices
Two cards in my hands.

One is to face all my problems
And think.
But that's a bad choice,
Cause I'll over think.
And then I'll crumble
I'll start to sink.

The next choice is to run away
Pretend these are just small matters.
It seems like a better choice,
Cause that's meant for cowards.
Cowards like me
That hide all the time.

It's either one,
So I'll pick the latter.
It's a safer bet
From both dangerous matters.

There'll always be a
D I S T A N C E
Between us
Because
I can never trust you
Ever again.

I want it to get
BIGGER
I want you
To disappear
Forever.

It seems
Harder and
Harder
To pick myself up
Again

Is it time to be
On red alert
When you've lost yourself
And you don't know
Who is living inside
Your soul?

I'm running in a marathon
A race against the ticking time,
Myself
Against the world.

I don't know
Where it'll take me to
I'm not allowed to break away
I'm not allowed to stop.

I'm tired of running
I'm tired of climbing
I can't go far
And I can't go high.

I don't know
How much more to go
Till I end
This whole long race.

All I know
It might take forever
This race might
Never end.

Do you feel cold
And lost in desperation?
You build up hope,
But failures all you've known.
Remember all
The sadness and frustration,
And let it go,
Let it go.

It's been so long
But I still don't get
Why you had to call me
Fake

Being fake
Is not being true,
Not genuine,
An imitation,
A counterfeit.

Am I really one of those?
I don't think so.

I'm original.
I breathe
I eat
I sleep
I'm human too.

I hold my own name
Hold my own thoughts
I live my own life
How is that not true?

You'll win
If you find someone else
Exactly like me
With
The same name
The same face
And the same actions.

Before all that
I'll tell you first
You do judge people
Like you judged me.

You've got no right to call me
Fake

I'm human
And so are you
If I'm fake
Then you are too.

I want to go back
To the days
When there were
No attention-seekers
No heart-breakers
No back-stabbers
When everything
Was simple
Was fine
Was alright.

Maybe it's you
Maybe it's me
Whatever it is
It can't be we.

Oh yes
We are such disgusting creatures
Talking behind your back.

You aren't even worthy
To be spoken about
It's your guilt that's imagining things.

Oh yes
We are such horrible people
Telling you what to do direct.

So please explain
What you want
Are we supposed to be direct
Or talk behind your back?

Woah
Woah
What?

Did you just say that
You have been hurt so many times
And you're so broken inside
And you've been faking smiles?

Oh please,
I feel that a thousand times more.
And you know what?
It's you who caused it all.

You're a ticking time bomb,
Don't you know?

tick

You have hurt
Too many people
Haven't you realised?

tick

Your words
Sting like bullets
And you keep them coming.

tick

You have caused
Great fear and annoyance
To us, your friends.

tick

You say you know
Your mistakes,
Oh you really do?

tick

You make me doubt you
Because you break trust
Over and over again.

tick

You think we avoid you
But there's a reason why.
You don't find out
And you don't ask why.

tick

You're maybe too smart
And that makes you proud
An air of arrogance lurks all around.

tick

"Oh don't tell me what to do,"
You say to us quite hurtingly.
Can I say this is too much pride?

tick

We're not against you
We're always for you
But we tell you to change,
And you know why?

tick

That's because we care
For you
But you don't see that.

tick

We want to help
You
Become a better person.

tick

You can tell us to go away
And let yourself rot
And go your own way.

tick

We give in too many times
Holding on to
Glimmers of hope.

tick

Hope
That you would change
But you didn't.

tick

Am I foolish
To still have that last hope
That you will change?

tick
tick
tick

EXPLODES

You leave us in the ruins
In the aftermath
Of your explosion.

You're a ticking time bomb,
Don't you know?

Three fairly simple words
Accompanied by rolling eyes
Exploding from your lips
They come out like bullets
Released uncontrollably
Released unconsciously
Aiming at the vital parts
My brain
My heart
And my soul

Struck
and
Shaken.

Sometimes I wonder
Am I oversensitive
Or are you plain mean.

How do I put it
I'm so annoyed with people
It's hard to explain.

We play this game,
The game of life.
Where people hide
Behind their masks.

You tore my first layer away.
You found out my name.
I tried to hide myself away
But still I'm found again.

We wear our masks
To hide our past
And maybe hide our lust.
And we hide those demons
Deep inside of us.

The masks
Full of complexity
They help cover
Our identity.

But they don't ever last
They get
Torn
Ripped
Burned out fast
Or simply melt
When the chill subsides.

And everything beneath
Those layers and layers
Of masks you wear
Has to face the world again.

Reading random poems today
Everyone claims they feel so broken
But no,
Those are just lies.

Deep in my heart
I know I see
Who's really broken
And who's not.

Maybe you really feel this way
But life has not thrown you
Buckets of icy water
Leaving you to freeze alone.

You don't know what
Being broken
Really feels like
Do you?

Because you haven't lost someone so close to you
That death
Led a domino
Crashing on everything around.

Or anything that's swung your life
Like a pendulum
And the aftermath
Keeps going on.

If such things never did haunt you before,
Then no,
That's just the verge of brokenness.
You've haven't faced the magnitude.

I'll tell you
Nothing really beats
Watching
Your own brother
Trapped in his body.

His eyes long to see again
But all there's left is emptiness.
His mouth longs to move again
But he can say never a word.
His legs long to walk again
But all his limbs have stiffened up.

And there's nothing I can really do
For many years did this plight last
Each day I'm helpless
Wishing I could drag you out of that hard shell.

I've always been this person
Deep inside me
Bursting with thoughts
Undying passion
Lies in me.

But sometimes
You have to be someone else
To be the poet you want to be
To let out those thoughts
Bursting way up there.