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 Mar 2017 flustered
mrs kite
my tongue and brain
must be best friends
they're both completely useless
spongy, yet unforgiving

you can approach me,
and i may approach you
but all of my words will take a swan dive
and commit group suicide
the second you try to speak to me

shine a flashlight in my eye sockets
if you'd like
but my skull is a ghost mall,
empty and vapid

my thoughts are racing but
not in a straight line
they're stuck on a treadmill
with no where to run

you can stare at me in my gaudy clothes
every loud opinion splattered on my skin
but although my sleeves are brimming with careful theories,
there is nothing inside my skull
 Mar 2017 flustered
mrs kite
I set you on fire     
suddenly

its my fault
your flesh flakes off in
withering embers  
you are

an effigy of a supernova
cartilage between ribs sets off     
like firecrackers

I become the acrid scent of pretend
i am

dissipating smoke and sweat and
 *gone.
 Jun 2016 flustered
JDK
By "that," I mean your current negative emotional-dependency attachment, and by "healthy," I mean neurotic and exhausting.
Explaining sarcasm just makes it worse.
 Apr 2016 flustered
mk
for the longest time, i regretted not having a future with you. in my head were images of a small apartment on the 5th floor in new york city with beige interior and cups of half-finished coffee on the kitchen table: interrupted because our lips were busy doing something else, somewhere else. i created stories of early morning i love yous and wake up in the middle of the night i need yous. slowly intertwined within each of my regret-driven what-ifs was the idea of you being good, being loving, being kind and generous. brave and protective. idealistic and creative and ready to take on the world with me. i dreamed you so deep that i created a whole other you: one that i'm realizing now, never existed.
the delusion set in and i found myself loving a man that never was. i was so caught up with longing for you that i forgot who you really were. i wonder now, how could i forget? all the nights you'd keep me waiting and all the love you poured down the drain. how could i forget the beatings that drove me insane? maybe i'm not waking with the taste of kisses but at least there are no cuts. maybe i'm not missing you too much to eat but at least i'm not puking out my guts. you told me i was worthless and impure; and here i am yearning to be called yours?

God, oh, Lord, i dodged a bullet.

i heard the other day that you found someone new. its funny because she looks like me and i can see how you keep trying to find someone to fill my shoes. i want to reach out to her and tell her to run. he preys on the young and the innocent, i want to yell at the top of my lungs. he's making you laugh now but baby girl you'll just cry. you'll think i'm crazy for saying this and even though i hope you never do, i know you'll soon understand why. me and him, we both loved the same person and now you do too. he never loved me and he'll never love you. your fair arms don't deserve the bruises and your heart doesn't deserve the pain. you don't deserve to feel utter disgust at the sound of your own name. it took me 2 years and only now i can open my eyes. his "love" was just pleasure-seeking in disguise. he's intoxicating, i know, those big brown eyes. the way he bites his lip and the strength in his thighs. i see what you see in him and i'm telling you to run. i'm telling you, i'm saving you, it's something i wish for me someone had done. but i suffered and i broke and i felt each inch of the pain. i can't let anyone go through that again.

but i watch from a distance and i don't speak a word. i'm too afraid what you'd do to me if you heard. i need to grow past the fear and the hurt. but with the delusion inside me, i'm not sure how that will work. i suppose step by step, you get up and move on. but for now, i still feel my stomach twist when i hear our song. i've thrown out your things and i've opened my eyes. i know you were bad to me, i finally realize. it may take some time to go back to who i was, but at least, for now, i'm not disillusioned by your definition of love.
fact into fiction and fiction into fact: i've always kinda been good at that
 Apr 2016 flustered
JDK
It's okay to go to the movies by yourself. (I mean, I've only ever done it once, but it was totally fine. The guy who sold me the ticket wasn't like, "Don't you have any friends?" and the people in the theater weren't constantly looking at me from over their shoulders and saying things like, "Is that guy really here all alone? What a loser!"
At least I don't think they were . . . )

Ditto for restaurants.

If you have a history of boyfriends/girlfriends who don't treat you very well, then you probably have a thing for negative attention.

If you don't trust/can't accept love, it's probably because you don't love yourself.

If he/she isn't interested, move on.
No really, move on.
I'm serious, cut the crap.
(Okay look; even if by some miracle it ever actually did happen (and I don't even like to use that phrase because it might give you false hope that it could,) it'd never feel right. It'd feel like you worked way too hard for it and that they only relented because they just got bored or curious and said, "Oh, what the hell," and then but only you'll be constantly waiting for them to get tired of you (who they never even really liked in the first place, so like, how can you possibly expect them to keep liking you until, you know, deathdoyoupart/forever/happilyeverafter and whatnot,) which will make life a living hell and far more stressful than it ever would have been if you'd just moved on the moment after she/he initially rejected you way back in the beginning.)

If someone doesn't share the same views as you, don't waste your time and effort trying to convince them to. (If anything, it's more likely to repel them.)

If you think someone has a false impression of you, don't waste your time and effort trying to correct that impression (you'll likely just solidify their false impression of you by doing so.)

If you know the right way to live, then you're probably doing it wrong.

The only thing worse than a poet who thinks they don't deserve love from anyone is a megalomaniac who thinks that everyone should love them more. (Sometimes I can't tell the difference.)

If you've been waiting for something to happen before you go and do that thing that you've been waiting to do for a long time, but only haven't allowed yourself to do it yet because you've been waiting for that something to happen first so that you'll then be ready to do it because that thing that you were waiting for has happened now and so it's time to finally go out there and do the thing that you were waiting to do because of the other thing that you were waiting on is over now so there's nothing left to use as an excuse to wait on doing it any longer for, only but now there's this whole other new thing that it seems you have to wait for to happen that came up as a result of that other thing that you were originally waiting for that you weren't expecting to happen as a result of the thing happening, and so now you're waiting for this other thing to happen before you go and do that thing that you've been waiting to do . . .

If you think you're being witty or clever, don't let on.

If you still can't figure out who you are and what you're about or what you truly believe in, even though you've been trying to so hard and for so long and doing all of this soul-searching in order to do so, then just give up.
(You'll finally figure it out shortly after.)
Just thought this might be a little more helpful than, "It'll get easier as you get older."
 Mar 2016 flustered
JDK
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God Bless the Internet
 Jan 2016 flustered
JDK
Windows into other lives.
Don't climb out;
You'll fall and die.
Window panes (Har har)
 Jan 2016 flustered
JDK
The first embrace was electric.
The second was on fire.
The third was cold and frigid.
There never was a fourth.
 Jan 2016 flustered
JDK
'Tis the season to spend money!

blah-blah-blah, blah-blah, blah blah blah blah

I'm so broke it isn't funny!

blah-blah-blah, blah-blah, blah blah blah blah

Going down, my credit rating!

blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah, blah blah blah

By next year I'll still be paaAAAaaying

*blah blah blah blah blah, blah-blah blah BLAH!
If it makes you feel any better, it's money well spent. Happy holidays everyone!
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