I will never have an adventure like the beautiful people in the movies.
I will never be able to afford cigarettes with a foreign name or silver box.
I will never have the roots of my hair dyed on time.
I will never have a lighter that is completely full.
I will never read as many books as I've convinced myself I have to.
I will never have a house with marble floors and granite countertops.
I will never have a razor that doesn't knick my ankles.
I will never be queen of anything
I am the reason you know how to spell loneliest.
You are the reason I ache.
This black ceiling I spent hours painting is getting
closer to me.
Is it cold there?
Do you miss me like I miss you?
The harder you hit the water
the further you sink.
A man screams in his sleep.
Her features all aligned into a perfect order
Just because I'm hungry doesn't mean I have to eat.
A low hum
Burring into my mind
Drives me into vicious fits of obsession
She stirs me
I look at her but cannot see her.
I try so hard to drink her in.
Every feature I want to drown in.
The vision is only a drop to a dying thirst
I stare so uncomfortably at her soft skin.
Guilty I lust for her.
She exemplified feminine strength
She stings me with her beauty
And Instills in me a sadness I can't understand
Consciously torn between being a dog and a man.
Stuffed my shame into my belly and moved on.
Eyes, orb as exploding stars,
Weighted light of hair rushing,
Held extremities, nimbus limbs,
Eons' spring, singularity crushing.
I was once told God loves everyone
So why do I see so many wanting to die
Why doesn't God here them as they cry
When all they really need is someone
I don't want to see them fight themselves
Nor do I want to see their world crash down
I don't want to watch a friend start to drown
Because they feel like a doll left on the shelf
I don't want to put faith in Gods hands
When he might come a little to late
Because they were left with only hate
And were so hungry they couldn't stand
I don't want to watch someone die
Because they think they're fat
Why won't God fix that
No point asking why
never will be enough to
ignite a lost soul
Home was having my best friend
hold my hair back
because I'd had one too many shots.
Home was listening to him
play a combination of notes
that told the stories of lovers' pasts.
Home was kissing a beautiful dark-haired girl
and laughing because
her saliva tasted like sativa.
Home was a place of sunshine,
peasant skirts, reggae.
Boys covered in dreadlocks smiling up at me from their yoga.
Home was falling asleep
but now I am just lost.
TW: Drug reference (******). I don't really like this so I'll probably edit it later.
— The End —