there are two roads in front of me,
completely different paths.

options to choose from.
decisions to make.

but the rain is too heavy,
the fog too thick.

i can't see what's in front of me,
and i have to pick quick.

the way the days all melt together
and time is irrelevant.

all i know is this ache in my chest.
and how lonely the nights have become.

i remember when i saw you,
the way you were meant to be seen.
my heart opened its eyes that day,
and they've refused to close since.

i'm just stuck here waiting,
begging for day break.
and wishing to finally be seen,
the way i was meant to be.

with barely any time to mourn,
i wish you would think of the future.

how long will this last?
i can't hang on for much longer
with everything stirring up inside.

i gave everything,
for it all to crumble at my feet,
with practically no explanation.
it's a pattern in my life,
an exhausting continuation from the past.

what's the point in holding on?

home is the loud roar of an argument.
a reminder to take your meds.
home is XFiles, and shepherds pie.
it's knowing that at the end of everyday,
someone will be waiting for you,
arms wide open, and a warm embrace.

home is feeling loved.

there's a certain taste to the air,
in my lungs it comes clear,
ringing with truth.
on the exhale it's bitter,
musty with resentment.
the cloudy skies are not as comforting.
and every raindrop is another tear unshed.

but sometimes it feels alright, i feel alright.
and during those sometimes,
it's not a hurricane, or a monsoon.
but the dull hum of a sunday afternoon,
because that's what you always were.
you felt like home.

when the embers burn out
and the fire in your eyes dies out.

i hope you realize that was our end.
that fear doesn't stop. it won't.

you've forever changed.

the first blue ribbon stood proudly
as the shelf gradually filled
with more trophies and rewards

the lineup constantly shifting.

until it stops.
and that gilded gold starts to fade
limbs on tiny, shiny men soon fall off.
and the dust collects.

the lights shined bright back then
meant to show you,
in the shadows of their win.

it's just a bump in the road.
you're stagnating, not yet failing
but just like quick sand,

the more you struggle to survive,
the faster you sink.