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Say
Let go of the hate,
in hours so late,
it's evil to know and
pretend it's not so,
The grave has been dug,
the coffin composed,
you don't want to rush
to conclusions just yet,
I bet, I bet, you know
it is wet,
keep eyes on the road
for you are in debt,
The snow will be melted
with a roll of the dice,
keep eyes on the road
and       obey the advice.
Misshapen
Mishappen
One day she's forgotten.
I brush my teeth and stare at the blood from my sensitive gums,
pretending it's from my wrist
Intentionally charge my phone with the wire across my neck pretending
it can choke me to death
Anything that would make me feel like I'm close to taking my life
Also stand on the edge of the twenty-fourth floor of some hotel room
So high but still feels like drowning
Or stay underwater until I can't breathe no more
So deep but still feels like falling

But no, I'm afraid to die
I'm afraid not to see the people that in my funeral will cry
They may be just three but I hold them so dearly
I'm afraid to let them know that their presence is not enough
To fill the void of darkness that's consuming me inside.
Because they are enough
but the darkness is too much.

So I'll just keep on practicing death
Until it will finally come and get me.
It's the anxiety that pulls us to the darkness. It's the people we love that gives us a little bit of the light they have for themselves.
the electricity runs through our veins
and past the street signs we rumble by
in the car you stole, we go fifty above the speed limit,
the roof of the car is the noir sky above
and the midnight rain pelts our upturned faces
the dancing drops of water drip onto our smiling lips
the sound of the sky collapsing
echoes the flashes that streak the sky,
the flickering light casts paved roads with a brief brightness
(as if god were wearing light up sketchers)
the lacy brallette that wears me
gives me the bravery to stand up in the speeding car
the velvet pants that ripple with the wind
drink up the nighttime rain
and the rare headlights race past us,
heading into homes and hearts
the mellow playlist that connects the aux cord to our ears blasts
so loud, we can no longer hear our insecurity
the mascara that once clung to my eyelashes
now streams down my face.
on a two way street,
we drive down the middle
unafraid in the face of direct dangers
so unaware of the towering empty skyscrapers
and instead highly exhilarated
from the street signs we drive by
too fast to read the blocky lettering
the road signs glint, smiling as we wave and reach towards them
the cigarettes you smoked are thrown through the open window,
still smothering slightly.
i can still taste the smoke on your lips
and your hand tucks my hair behind my ear
and as the wind objects and inhales
unreal in the hazy a.m. car trip
the tunnel rushes towards us,
and we both hold our breaths,
as if breathing would contaminate us.
the lights that glint, cast a yellow-white glow
and for once, i see you for who you are
a boy too buzzed to feel
a kid who only felt "sort of"
a person who couldn't heal
and a lover who could never give love
about a boy who was my living teenage dream // nothing scarier than finding a broken loveless boy who makes you the same
What does it mean to cry
When feelings stay locked from the
Surface
Emotions I fear
Crammed into small tears
The tears that I make myself
Forfeit

What does it mean to hurt
When the scars are from those
Who don’t know you
They’ve watched you grow up
And you feel their love
But they don’t know the real you

When I’m asleep I run
Down a path in a gold
And green
Meadow
And someone’s out there
With true love to share
Then I wake in the real world
Feeling alone

Alone
I’m home
That shouldn’t be so
Where’s the log to my fire?
Because I’m working for me
And I’ll never retire

Bring on the thunder!
Bring on the rain!!
There’s no true life
Without some small pain
So I’ll be the thunder!
And I’ll be the rain!!
I know how to cry now
So I’ll work through the pain

If I’m coming alive
I acknowledge I hurt inside
My tribulation brought me to salvation
I had to suffer to write
I don’t need you to understand my plight
Just know that I’m coming alive
I had to suffer to write
Zap
A crisis of identity
does it bother you?
it doesn't worry me,
I can be
he, she, it, them
and one of those,
someone nobody knows.

I identify with the why and
not the what
anyway
it's as good as any way to
start a day

I'm going for coffee.
don't ask me, I'm only the writer.
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