******
Real
Insane
Pain
Please
Leave
Every
Day

This scares me a lot
  Never had it done
  I rather be in a different position
Than being only 1 legged
Scared urgent requesting guys except receiving you

How do you breathe so silent?
I grow more and more
labored in each breath.
I remember the days
you told me to never be like you.
Well I’m not. I’m certainly different,

possibly worse.

Am I the only one that has their demons feasting upon their souls?
They say it is easy to tie a noose around your mind,
To overcome the urges and temptations of ending your life with a suicide
They don't know the true pain and torment that is going on in my head
An epic battle that leaves me with restless nights in bed
"End your life already" they say, as they prey on me during my weakest hours
Sometimes I give into the voices, carrying the sharp blade to my wrist
Crying as I struggle to mutter three powerful words that keeps me going
Choking on my sobs, my lungs deflate with a desire to say that God loves me
I try to convince myself that God is trying to test my faith
And to just wait, wait and wait
Then my Demons will eventually go AWAY.....



~Imperfect Desire **

Whenever I feel the distance
In times my heart longs love a lot
Remind me to take a while to glance
To what matters most and to what this is about

Whenever my heart is searching
Let it be a time for me to seek You
Keep me from the things that are luring
Fix my eyes on what is true

Remind me we are not really apart
Whenever it feels like a hard pruning
May You keep me still, my Lord, and steady my heart
I trust in You that Yours is the best way of learning

Scattered pieces of flaws
Stitched together in perfection
Everywhere
Just beautiful

All these of good intentions
Why do we not see these all the time?
Why can't it be just the good days?
Why can't we be still?
Why do we turn things vain?

Are we seeing soreal?
Tell me this is nothing in a manuscript
Tell me we're not actors of our own movies
Lest t'was a hopeless love
It frightens me

*Tell me it was real

I admire you a lot
For just being who you are
It makes me forget you not
You gave me a smile on fire

I miss you when you are far
My eyes long to meet your beautiful eyes
You set something in me like war
O, why do I feel this when time flies

When you're too close to me
It bothers me as well
Because when you talk so gently
I'm afraid I might deeply fell

Maybe we're better this way
Words unspoken, feelings unsaid
I know it's something we both pray
That may our hearts still be guarded

I want to say many things to you
Something I don't want to just keep inside
You have no idea how it makes me blue
When I'd rather keep silent and hide

I don't want to awaken things not on its time
I'd rather keep it to myself and sacrifice
Right now maybe it doesn't rhyme
But it's for the future's great surprise

Somehow it breaks my heart
The thought that I'd meet you in a while
On the corridor not too apart
And all I can do is just smile

To me, you are very dear
Maybe it's best to save the friendship
Rather than temporarily happy yet in fear
I don't want us to be in hardship

So maybe I would just keep this mine
And I guess I'd rather not tell at all
In time it will be fine
And I'd be thankful for this achy fall

It's not really goodbye
Rather, "Take care of yourself always"
I hope this will make us comfortably say hi
Whenever we cross ways

Maybe we'll meet again soon enough
And maybe the time is right
Maybe we'll be ready and our hearts are tough
Enough to push through something our hearts long to fight