Lyrics that just resonates

"if you hold me without hurting me
you'll be the first who ever did"

-Lana Del Rey ♡

It does not matter
anymore but that does not
mean it does not hurt

8:50 PM
23/6/23

Those eyes, so striking;
Hiding such deception
   •looking only to gain
Not to save and restore
But to corrupt and pain
Yet, I let you love me
For I am filth, ensured
To give you everything
For just your phony love
For just your presence.

Those lips, so intoxicating;
Dishonest with such precision
     •mixes lies only to keep
My drunkenness so deep
Your potion never goes weak
Your enchantments so fulfilling
So bogus, yet so satisfying
But I'm only human
Your lies save myself, fallen
Your magic saves my thunder
And I need my thunder
I need you saving my thunder.

That touch, so mesmerizing;
Fatal with such bruising intention
    •love, it is you alone
That wreck so beautifully
Only you can satisfy me fully
Can send knives in my spine
Can play and victor my mind
Only you can wear my lips
Tear it with your fingertips.
Love, it is you who clothe my emptiness
And fulfill my nakedness.

That person, so alluring
Beautiful with such aching emotions.
   •I complain too much,
Without regard to how weak I am
And to how strong you have become.
I know that you're only trying to love me
In ways you know how.

-fir.m

There's this distant illusion of water
at a scorching paths' dried border.
It's caused by heat and refracted light,
And even intimacy's (closeness) fight
yields; one step closer, one step further.
Sometimes happiness is just like that water-
Maintaining distance from the grasps
Of those desperate for it, no matter the costs.
And that's just how the future goes;
Day by day, person by person, lows by lows.
No matter the way happily ever afters are sold,
And the ways rainbow after the rain is told,
Or even the way light at the tunnels' exit defends,
Fairytales, dreams, and hopes-
For some people, chaos never ends.

-fir.m

For so long i've worked hard to not expect.
I've trained relentlessly not to be needy.
I've been good to deserve better.
And i've closed doors to avoid aching intruders.

For too long i've allowed myself to stop myself
From wanting anything more than everything
And thence you came with your perfection
Oozing optimism for everything and more

So for a while I recklessly permitted myself to have expectations,
To feel deserving, to open my doors
To wanting everything and to wanting you
And like all good things it was great, until you were through.

So right now, my heart is breaking into a million pieces,
For unmet expectations and unrequited longing. And maybe that's good;
For in the future you'll serve as a reminder
The perfect reason for tightly shut doors
Even though what's inside most definitely
Deserves anything, everything and more.

-f.irm

You said that my words were bitter
You said my tone sounded harsh
As if I was on a mission to hurt you
As if I'm the villain in this story.

It hurts that you can't see right through me
It really hurts that you look, but you can't see me
I truly thought we were better than this...
I thought we knew each other better than this.

My words may have been bitter and my tone harsh
But it's only because contradiction spells my heart
I want to hate you, eradicate you from my life
I want you to come back to me and love me until I die.

I don't know what to do anymore, I can't ignore you
I can't not see you, to not feel you, to not breathe you.
Obliviate what ruined us? If only you were willing to try.
What do I do? God, why do I pine for someone like you?

If only you could see all these words meant for you
Would you then be able to see me, not think I'm harsh?
Would it make you pity me or give you the courage to try?
to try for this bitter girl who was once just on a mission to love you until the day she dies.

-fir.m