One day, darling.
One day, we shall meet.
One day,
We lock eyes across the room by pure chance.
Whilst I am playing a wallflower
and you are playing a rockstar.
In the midst of my seeing
and your being seen.
We look directly into each other’s pupils.
One day, darling.

And I see a town crier,
my voice and feet,  in your face.
Maybe you see a poet, a dancer.
A storyteller.
Your spigot. A minstrel.
Like a fairy that whispers
charming sweet-nothings in your ear.
One day, darling.

You give a smirk
that gives me flutter.
I touch your shoulder with my pinky
as I reach for the plastic cup to fill it with another dose of cheap wine.
Your skin perks up and contracts.
I act as though I didn't notice,
but you know it was deliberate.
And I know you know.
My half-hearted bashfulness.
Your half-arsed cockiness.
We drink ourselves to semi consciousness.
As we indulge in our awful drunken dancing,
your hand slips in and rakes across my abdomen, and
my hand lingers around your bony hips.
I want to just grab handfuls of your ****.
However, even drunk, I am not that bold.
One day, darling.

I ditch my friend who dragged me there.
You fall straight onto my bed.
My bedroom in a flat I share with my best friend.
I look at your feet dangling off the edge of my bed,
kicking off the shoes.
I think of how quickly you have claimed my space.
And how much it excites me.
I slither in next to you.
And you engulf me, wait for me to overflow.
Both of us half aware, but fully euphoric.
One day, darling.

In the morning, you fry up my flatmates bacon,
scramble some eggs.
In my kitchen wearing nothing but
your underwear and t-shirt.
I make tea.
When you ask, I simply say I don’t have any coffee.
There’s a bag in the pantry. I just can’t be bothered to take out the press.
We eat together on my balcony.
Barely dressed.
Sober but painfully hungover.
Your smirk is now a softer grin,
but with the same glint in the eyes.
We don’t speak a word,
because it gives us headaches.
I put the dishes away and
set up a pool chair in the balcony.
And we cuddle up under the sun,
feeling the light breeze on our ears and brows.
So naturally. Naturally.
One day, darling.

We break every rule written in Cosmopolitan,
told by our friends from school,
by people on television.
Those mind games to test each other or
guess our feelings become moot.
Because your hands become so
comfortable to rest my head in.
and I enjoy the weight of your head on my back,
like it belongs there.
And because there is no time to ask, wait, or waste.
One day, darling.

We spend countless days on the beach,
bathing in salty water, sand, sunlight, and each other.
We smoke kush and you buy me a ****
because I can’t stand spliffs.
I drawl on about my quasi-Marxist stateless communist utopia.
You stare at my face, not saying a word
and smile, even though you don’t give two ***** about a word I’m saying.
And I know you don’t.
You take me to bars and parties and social gatherings,
and I go everywhere you want me to.
Even though I never leave your side,
or speak to anybody else.
I go every time.
The days I cannot move an inch away from my couch
because I drown myself in useless, endless influx of thoughts and emotions.
You stay-
Sometimes, just far enough that I can’t feel your over zealous heartbeats full of life,
but close enough you can see me.
Sometimes, pressed up right next to me so I cannot make a move.
We drop acid together and spend the whole day
doing nothing but hallucinating while sipping my signature honey-lilac lemonade.
We pop a molly and have ***.
Which short-circuits my brain a little,
and brings you closer to the thing you call god.
You sing my words and
I dance your tunes.
So quickly, your fingers learn my hair.
And my palms know your chest so well.
I have never been so excited and comfortable.
You, of course, have never been so fascinated. Enchanted.
One day. Yes, one day.

And the summer comes to an end.
Because the earth didn’t actually stop
the day we met (no matter how much it felt such to us).
You go back to school, and I probably move on to a new city.
I give you my email or whatever.
But it’s useless.
Because you are young and new.
You have many things on your agenda -
people to become, things to acquire, places to be.
And because I won’t keep still.
Because drastic changes are so inevitable for both of us.
The world is so large for both of us.
Still, I know (I mean, I know) you have carved
a permanent spot in my mind.
But I can only hope I am the same to you.
Because, suddenly I don’t know a thing about you.

Come on.
Please, don’t be afraid to fall.
I want to run with you.

I love your life -
stung stained with pain,
and your heart full of insecurities.
You’ve got nothing to lose
but everything.
But your things ain’t much.

I want to leap over valleys,
walk a tight-rope over the swamp
of alligators.
But I want to do it with you.

You are the one
whom I had to rescue from that creep at a club,
who stayed with me all night talking,
came over when I got a bad haircut.

You know my deepest secrets
and I, yours.
I trust you with my life.
I think you’re extraordinary even when no-one else sees it.

You’re one of a kind.

I want to jump over fences and hop on a train.
But don’t want to leave you behind.

Ditch the *******.
You can never leave here with that baggage.

Bound.

Let’s be unsafe and not think about tomorrow.
New things and people await.
This world is bigger than your
five-dollar train ride.

Your mind isn’t satisfied,
you told me.
And it will never be, here.
Not with these, and these people.

See something new.
See if you like it.

Let’s have fun and pain and everything this little world has
to offer.

Taste the rainbow
but not from a bag of skittles.
My heart’s ready to burst.
And I can feel yours too.

Let’s leave.

I feel so much discomfort

when people talk to me.

I don’t know what string of words to say,

which intonation to use. Where to look.

I can’t look you in the eyes

too long before I drift away.

I don’t know how to fill silence

or how to make you laugh,

when I am me.

I have a quiet voice. So you’ll

have to get close to hear me.

But come.

Get close to me.

Chances are I’ll let you.

I long for human warmth

in my vicinity.

Skin on my skin.

Handshakes.

Kisses on the cheek,

and bear-hugs.

I love the voices,

of every colour and texture.

The stories and non-stories.

Call me by my first name.

Call me sweetheart and ruffle my hair.

For now,

I can only give you a sheepish smile.

But, come next.

My outrageous humour,

my refreshing intelligence.

Maybe a story or two. True or not.

Stick around.

For my

unabashed joy and the little things

from my childhood that linger on

my heart and my brain.

And then,

dance with me.

Connect me to my childhood
when bliss was oblivion.
Connect the dots that made me.
From my cornea to retina
through the vitreous humour
what was it before,
before I imprinted into my cerebrum.
Bring it back to me
what I saw
and what it was.
What I know and what I feel.
Connect it,
and lead me to.
Let me and help me
rebuild my reality.
What I am is
what I saw,
but what I saw
wasn’t and maybe was.
From my cornea to retina,
or maybe even before
or on the backside of my eyelids.
What I want and need
is of what I am.
What I am may be
or may not be
because what I saw,
I saw or not.

Gloomy Sunday, Sunday is trouble.
I was missing you. I wait for you.
Whenever you go, my soul leaves with you.
I can’t live when I am so far away from you.
I threw my things away.
I kissed my daughter good-bye.
But I kept the little house where you’ve made love to me.
I long for you.
Come back and take me.
Let’s fall down together and never get up.
I lose myself every time you collapse in me.
If you hold me up, I’ll forever hold on to you.
Take me away, like you did last time you were with me.
You pulled me up.
Some say you pushed me down, but no -
I was down before you were ever near me.
I loved the way you padded across to me.
Your light, fiery foot steps.
Take a step with me as if it was the first in your life.
Sing me to sleep and be there when I wake up.
Pancakes with blueberries on top.
Let’s pour a drink and toast.
As I shook off my haze you let me fly.
Up high.
Don’t make me wait around, I am tired.
I want you to toss out all the things with that stench.
Let’s be unpredictable and start a-fresh.
I want to live with you behind me,
and die with you on me.
I melt.
You press into me,
I can only fade into you.
I am you.
And I want you to be me.
If I could be ether floating around you,
for all the eternity.
If I could be water washing down your inside and out.
You couldn’t leave me because I am you.
If you let out everything, you would love me
the same way I love you.
Tears rolling down my back,
and your sweet shoulder.
Climb on top of me.
Crush my chest and push the breath out of me.
Trap me.
Return me the favour.

You made my pain disappear.

And I, after.

It held me together like a twine.

- I fall to straw pieces.

I’ve got nothing else on my card

miserable blank on my personal resume.

I get gone to find me,

when I am a waste.

I have no anger

like a wet pile of hay.

The source of my power

is only my muscles.

My brain cells saved me.

Word on my retina. My fingertips move.

My hunger attacks me.

And you, eventually.

The realness escaped me turned on me.

I drink Jameson and it burns my lips.

I dream of scream and tears.

I fear.

The world tires me.

I am flat.