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 Jul 2021 Frank DeRose
Reannen
For the first time I feel secure.
Like I could fall and be caught.
Everyday he said, I'm choosing you.
Even when I was terrified to choose him.
Everyday he takes my life in stride.
He reminds me what healthy looks like.
What strong and confident and safe looks like.
He says, I am not here to change you.
He says, I am here to take you as you are.
He says, I will do my best to never hurt you.

I feel more whole than I have in years.
I'm not walking on eggshells or hoping to be considered.
I am strong, and he helps me be stronger.
I am broken but he's helping me find the right place for each piece.
I am falling, and he doesn't hesitate to catch me.
 Jun 2021 Frank DeRose
Reannen
Trust.
A monosyllabic word that so easily crumbles at the feet of man.
A word that unlocks gates to guarded hearts and refortifies them when broken.
A word that builds friendships, families... Lovers.
A word that reaches into your chest and rips from your ribs a bleeding heart.

Trust.
Delicate, fragile, breakable.
Given away only to be given back in tatters.
 Feb 2021 Frank DeRose
Reannen
I've written a thousand words to you a millions different ways.
But your friendship cannot be described.
Your smile and the way it lifts my soul,
Your humor and the way it brings a smile to my face.
Your hugs and the peace they bring,
Your words and the comfort they give.
You remind me of my dad. The same critical thinking and opinionated positions. The same quiet as I relay my thought process. The same position you sit in as you listen and prepare to respond.

You remind me everyday that life is worth living. Because without it I wouldn't have met you.

You keep me fighting and your beautiful, incredible disposition reminds me to keep fighting.

I still get butterflies thinking about you. About the way it felt to paint you, about the way it felt to share my books with you and read your insight. About sending my first piece to you.

I still smile when I look through old messages and smile at pictures of you and your experiences.

I am so happy for you. For your growth and your love and your happiness. I have never met anyone who deserved it more. You deserve the world. Spread before you. You are an unstoppable Force of amazing.

I miss you. I wish I could see you more. Hug you more. See your smile more. You literally gave me a second chance at life. You still do. Though you don't realize it.

I write a thousand poems to you for you about you. You inspire me to live on. Stand up. You inspire me to live harder and think deeper. I genuinely don't know where I'd be had you not messaged me.

Thank you. And as always it is 10:27 pm... And I love you. Stay so perfectly you, my dear.
You're still getting a letter. I just needed to tell you. You mean the world to me. I'm sorry I'm so behind.
 Oct 2020 Frank DeRose
Reannen
Jealousy, is not a pretty color. It's a shade of green that seeps into the soul, like a coffee stain in your white shirt.

Jealousy, towards family, is worse. It leaves you teetering between rage and guilt, leaving you questioning right and wrong.

Jealousy, towards sisters, is almost like a sin. A breaking of bonds too old to understand. A string so tightly wound together, you can no longer see its individuality.

Jealousy, though, is how I feel when I see how different our lives are. The clothes you get to wear the freedom you have, the bond between you and mom and dad. The shorts too short for me, the makeup too much, the hair too dyed.

But, Jealousy, is proof, that as the guinea pig of seven, maybe something good came of the experimentation. A better life for you, a sense of happiness and confidence in your decisions.

Jealousy, is ugly, but I am grateful you wont have to experience it.
 Oct 2020 Frank DeRose
Reannen
Small
 Oct 2020 Frank DeRose
Reannen
I am swallowed by the world around me,
I feel lost, transient.
I am small and fragile, my emotions barely a quake in the ground.
Can any one even feel them?
I dont trust well, the bones I'm made from shake with inconsistencies
I can feel your bad intentions, your chaos.
I am perceptive I can see the pain you suffer when you lash out.
But I dont know how to help.
Useless to these feelings I have no way to help.
My brain jumps, following the next scene in line of sight.
 Oct 2020 Frank DeRose
Reannen
Kilig
 Oct 2020 Frank DeRose
Reannen
A message
Flashing across my screen,
Tugs on my heartstrings as I sit cross- legged by myself.

The words
Cause blush to stain my cheeks,
The heat rising as my heart pounds furiously in my chest.

My lips
Curl into a smile,
Hormones flood my every synapse begging for release.

One moment
And I've forgotten everything else,
I've melted into the letters you've written lost in kilig.
I can feel the tension between us, even when you're not here.
 Oct 2020 Frank DeRose
Reannen
Like stepping stones across great ponds, the reeds swaying with the wind, in rhythmic beats as the dragonflies hum above the water,

So, too, does my heart carry men across stormy waters, beating with the sounds of their promises, dancing with the whispers of their souls.

In the end, left with nothing but muddled foot prints on the shore.
Here,
Even here,
Now,
Even now,
I am growing, changing, and healing
Somehow.
|b.g.|
 Aug 2019 Frank DeRose
Reannen
Prism
 Aug 2019 Frank DeRose
Reannen
Our love
Was something that burned like a star too far for our eyes to see-
Burning out before it had already begun.
Our love
Taught me that smiling could be something I didn't need to have a reason to do. It taught me that every flaw in me was a strength not a weakness, was a unique stone in my castle walls.
Walls you climbed to tear down and reconstruct with greater integrity, with love in each brick lain.
The moat you filled with fish and your love created gardens among the overgrown brush.
Your hands held the thorned roses and wrapped them in silken scarf, handed them to me with bleeding hands and still told me how beautiful you thought my eyes were in the sun.
Your sun nourished me.
Brought with it birds and songs and endless laughter.
Even when thunderstorms of tears threatened the sun light you always found a way to place a rainbow in the sky, promising me I would never have to worry.
I used the colors you brought into my life and painted for you simple days,  but you always seemed to run with them, turn them into masterpieces. You were able to take a walk and turn it into an adventure.
You took the colors and became a prism, scattering them into the world, brightening everything you touched!
 Dec 2018 Frank DeRose
atlast
Man

Started as a baby who watched killing on TV.
Whose childhood was Uncle Sam and the ROTC.

Took turns being cowboy and Indian, finger guns
Hunting with dad, rifles and handguns
But nothing could prepare him for the way that blood runs
From the lips of a friend

He left at 18
Couldn’t seem to grow a beard.
Didn’t matter when he was covered in jungle mud from ear to ear.

Kool Aid and biscuits
It sounded like a dream
Living indoors.
Working on machines.

But what the cargo brought back
Demanded to be seen

Bags upon bags hoisted on backs
Swung around like jump ropes
Among the soldier’s jumping jacks

Every beating moment a guilt-filled flashback

The blood from the lips of an enemy or friend
Reddening the mud, trickled to no end
A gun on his side
Who was fighting who?
The roles were unclear
Muddied and hazy, orange and dark blue

No need for TV. The war’s in his mind.
Engraved in his eyelids.
Pace, panic, grind

Is he a man? Can he ever grow old?
If his life is just one story that keeps getting told

Child.

Man.
Nam.

- Vietnam
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