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One day, they told us, we’ll be gone just a week
What a relief! – that’s what everyone said
People rejoiced, this was such a timely break
I also thought that’d be perfect, for I could use some rest
But soon, that week became months of distress
The first weeks were fine, despite not being the best
I didn’t really mind that it was such a bore
It was an amazing time spent with my introverted soul
It was all fun and games, oh was I so happy
That is, until we faced an untimely tragedy
I had an aunt – a second mother to me
She had cancer, a sickness not new to our family
Since quarantine started, we took care of her at home
We fed her, bathed her, tried to make her feel better
But not long after, the heavens had decided
They had been made aware of how much she had suffered
That very moment to me was life-changing
It was my first time to watch someone stop breathing
Five of us were praying, holding her, trying to save her
But I knew it was too late, she had already crossed the gate
The events afterwards weren’t any easier
We held the wake at home, and we lacked the manpower
So I couldn’t cry, for I had to be strong
I had to make sure that nothing would go wrong
Then there was the much, much sadder burial
That the quarantine made even more difficult than usual
Some were lucky to attend, but many others could not
Not even our grandmother was allowed to see my aunt
We were 20 at the ceremony, cut in half at the cemetery
Grieving itself was sad, grieving without family was just bad
It was heartbreaking and frustrating to be that helpless
Stranded in that horrible situation that seemed endless
After that, I hurled myself away from the world
Because every single day brought bad news and mess
I deleted social media, and decided to take a rest
My heart just could not take any more of that ugliness
I started to really spend time with my family at home
Although most of that time, it was just myself in my room
Still it was nice, to really be in my own reality
Escaping from the outside world’s troubles and negativity
It remained like that for a couple of months
And for a while, I was at peace, and free of my usual rants
But school was coming back, I couldn’t escape forever
I had to face the world again, so I collected my power
The trial period started, how online classes work, I’d see
It wasn’t easy, but nobody said it would be
At first, it seemed fine, nothing that I could not manage
But through time, I realized, this could actually cause damage
It was just too different from what we were used to before
To our teachers and classmates, there was always a door
Now, we are left to do everything by ourselves
The support system we built are pushed back into the shelves
I didn’t know if I could continue, my face always had a frown
I can sense, I was on the verge of finally breaking down
Right then, the heavens gave me a reason to continue
He brought into the world, an angel – my nephew
Suddenly, I was happy again, I had a will to live
I just wanted to continue, to love, and to give
A Godsent blessing, to me, he has been
He’s the one good thing that happened this quarantine
Then this school year began, it was such a great start
I’d accepted responsibilities, I took them by the heart
I convinced myself that I could do all of this
And when success came my way, I was so pleased
While I was teaching myself, I was also helping my mother
She needs my support, since she’s working as a teacher
Through that, I understood the troubles teachers go through
Just to provide the students’ education, like they promised to
Every week, so many papers are to be printed and distributed
It doesn’t help that the money comes directly from their own pocket
I can’t decide which is worse, their setup or ours
I just know everybody’s sick of this terrible pandemic
My eagerness for school didn’t last very long
My mind and body weren’t just that strong
After several months, my enthusiasm diminished
Sleep, meals, and deadlines were all being missed
I was so burnt out, scattered, in such a disarray
It came to a point where I was crying every day
I reached out for help, and found my sister
I couldn’t do this anymore. – that's what I texted her
Immediately, she called me, and asked how I was
Tears came streaming down my eyes so fast
I couldn’t get words to come out of my mouth
But she told me – It's okay, take your time, cry it out.
What's the problem? is such a complicated question
There’s no one answer, it’s a whole compilation
Setbacks and worries that have all piled up
All the disappointments that put me in a mind trap
I started that call dispirited and heavyhearted
Like nothing could make me feel better that could be said
But after pouring out all my heart into that call
I realized all I needed was a very good cry after all
That happened a while ago, now I’m still in the same place
I wish I were better, but I’ll get there in my own pace
Recently, there was an announcement, it was my greatest fear
It seems this setup will remain for the rest of the school year
That means this story continues, and I don’t know how it ends
But I still hope it does in school, with me seeing my friends
I feel like I’m riding a river, bumping on rocks, constantly
But I know I’ll find my way out, into the sea, eventually
We were told in school to write a poem about our experiences during this pandemic.
a sudden wave appears
and it slaps you on the face
your smile insults your heart
the peace mocks your mind

maybe because they're sham
maybe because they're fleeting
you don't know for sure
it seems like you're dreaming

but the shower turns on
the river keeps gushing
you drain it with your hand
but the water keeps flowing

the next thing you know
your chest is convulsing
you're lying right there
having a hard time breathing

you stood on your shaking feet
wobbly walked towards the door
you took a hopeful step outside
but it rained woe some more

between morning and night
the whole world sleeps still
but the warm wind is listening
whirling leaves are waving

there's a wide gap in the sky
you scared the stars away
but a tower is looking over you
a red light reaches your face

it turned the shower off
and it closed the river down
it wondered if he'll ever see you
without the rain around
Umiihip ang hangin
Nalalanta ang mga dahon
Nagsisihulugan sa lupa
Sa ngayong panahon

Handa silang magparaya
Upang puno'y magbunga
Ng bulaklak at prutas
Sa susunod na bukas

Ang ihip ng hangin
Ang kanyang kakampi
Sa paglagas ng dahon
Siya'y aahon muli
ramdam ang kalungkutan
'di tumitila
ang pagbuhos ng ulan
i'm afraid
that the lack of scars
makes it seem like
i'm okay.

i'm not okay.
Please watch out for the less obvious signs.
Every night at 3 am
I cry myself to sleep
I close my eyes
And wish I'd die
Before the morning comes

Every morning at 11 am
I cry when I wake up
'Cause when I open my eyes
I'm still on my bed
Breathing, but not alive

I can't get up all by myself
I wait for Mom to call my name
Does she know?
She doesn't know
That her dear daughter wants to go

I'd go through the day like a normal person
I'd pretend that I'm okay
But I'm still useless
My life's meaningless
Everything is still the same

'Cause the next night at 3 am
I will still cry myself to sleep
I'll close my eyes
And wish I'd die
But the morning would come again
Life is a lot more complicated than death.
FELILA Jul 2020
I wonder
How many shooting stars
We let pass

Just because
We refused to look up
The sky's vast
Look up and see.
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