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i pack my life
the past 8 years
into boxes
and into a car
and as i drive off
i realize how
little and insignificant
you are in these years
and yet,
you were the most important memory.
We moved and everything reminded me of you.
"I am not going to be in another relationship"
And now I have
warm
giggly
joyful
feelings for everyone

"I just want to finish the year by myself"
And now life is throwing me
chance
after
chance
that are all amazing

I do not need anyone**

-r.y.s
I want to be alone and happy.
I want winter
to be over.

It reminds me
of the cold
and bitter
that is my soul.

I need spring
to come again.

To push me
out of the cold
and be happy
unfreeze my soul.

-r.y.s
I just feel so cold.
"Your a good kid, don't change"
No, I don't want to be good
Not if being good makes
You like me.

"You got a good head on your shoulders"
Never have understood that
I **** up everything
I mess things up on purpose.

"I just wish you'd make some time for me"
No.
I have no time for you.
You aren't worth it.

"I guess you don't love me anymore"
I never did.
You only pretended I did.
You just played me, so I played back.

"I'll pay you in good hugs and kisses"
If I want that,
I'll get them from
Someone who actually means something to me

"I like you, don't push me away"
I'll do what I want,
Besides
You aren't worth it.

"Yep I'll take the hint, see ya" responds again anyways
It wasn't a hint,
My life doesn't revolve around you
When you want me in it.

"I swear you avoid me"**
Hell yea I do.
You are creepy
And manipulative.

I never wanted this when we became friends.

-r.y.s
You are a *******.
fears are strange

i fear things that are practical
like that those sirens
are rushing towards a love one
that i didn't tell them
how much i loved them
when i saw them last

i also fear things
that i feel unpractical
like snakes
the thought sends chills
in through my body
and makes me want to cry

but my biggest fear
is being forgotten
is falling into oblivion

and as cliche
and boring
as i seem
i know no other fear
then being forgotten

but other days
i want to embrace my fear
and fall into an oblivon
to be forgotten
to never have to worry
to never have to exist

it's a delicate balance
of life
and death, really.

-r.y.s
I have this obsession with being forgotten.
i honestly don't know
what it is
about you
that separated you from the rest
because God knows
I can't seem to figure it out now.

All I know,
is that
I've give up on you.

You waste my time
And **** my hopes
And make me feel
Absolutely worthless.

-r.y.s
I'm giving up. I hope you don't come back.
my world is messy
I can never be still
this feeling
that feeling
I never feel calm

I can be happy
Joyous
Funny
Laughing
and then
I can be sad
miserable
melancholy
serious

it's all a giant mess
and I can't seem
to gain control
and the only emotion
that's never changed
is the one of
love
and
suicide.

funny how even those are
complete
opposites.

-r.y.s
This one took a while. But it was worth it
How to be unhappy all the time:

it's not hard
to be sad
and angry
and unpleased with the world
because the way you see the world
is how you feel
but the way you feel
is how you see the world

and you think,
if all you see,
is the happiness
of your friends
and family
in their life's
and loves
you'd be
inspired
to be happy too

but all I see
is the lack of love
in my life
the lack of someone
to remind it's alright

all I see
is the girl whose found her love
and they are happy together
and I'm happy for them too
I'm just sad for myself

all I see
is the girl with her girlfriend
desperately in love
and I'm happy for them
I'm just sad for myself

all I see
are my friends happy
in everything that happens
and I'm happy for them
I'm just sad for myself

I know wallowing
in self pity
can't get me far
but it's hard to be
happy
when the world
doesn't feel that way.

-r.y.s
I am just sad.
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