at night, you wonder if anybody actually
saw you today, and if they did,
had they noticed your shaking hands?

(sometimes you question if you were
taught english correctly, because every
i love you comes out as i'm sorry

and you are so tired of stuttering)

i forgot to tell you earlier that
i've dreamt about you every night
this week, and this morning when i
woke up i thought it was winter,
but i was warm anyway.

tonight i wanted to
paint wings across
your shoulder
blades.

i used to do

but now i don't

i used to will

but now i won't

i used to rush

into it all

but now i'm lucky

if i even crawl

i used to laugh

but now i cry

whenever it is

i look at life

i used to leap

when they said jump

now all i am

is a permanent duh

i used to see

through rose colored shades

now i count it lucky

if i'm even awake

i used to do

but now i don't

i used to will

but now i won't