Driving alone one night
Strolling the city line
With thoughts as my map
The streets were all mine

I counted the lamp post
as it passed me in a flash
my thoughts wandered
meeting a Honda in a crash

I dashed out the windscreen
headbutted it wide open
It exploded like a grenade
glasses exploded into fragments

I saw a white flash
right in front of my ****** eyes
I see a motorcycle colliding
I thought I was going to die

As it skidded its way to me
I closed my eyes and pray
If today was my end
This was not the way

Silence followed by
I thought I was in heaven
I slowly opened my eyes
There I was in a tavern

I saw you from afar
in a beautiful blue dress
You were like a painting
So vividly picturesque

I began to stand up
To try to walk to you
I knew who you were
my sweet honeydew

A man walked over
his hands reached for you
He leaned over for a kiss
And returned it, did, you

Your lips faintly curled up
A smile partnered your face
A shrieking laughter ensued
broken I was in many ways

I slowed my steps to a halt
And began retreating the troops
With the shattered pieces of my heart
I crept back into the woods

I sat between a tree trunk
Wondering who I saw
I was sure it was you
But I can't be sure anymore

Crows chirped above me
The dark skies were lonely
This scourge I felt inside
Will forever be my company

I knew I had to let you go
I didn't recognize your smile
He has given you something
that I could not for awhile

So I closed my eyes again
As I seeped into insanity
Finding the way to forget
the route to our eternity

I was lost in the maze
Completely unaware
I was running in opposite
but I saw you everywhere

I was jolted up awake
I saw my windscreen broken
My hands were red shot ******
Everything else were opened

I looked to my left to find you
nothing but pieces of glass
I looked ahead in front of me
there you were on the grass

You were there laid still
I could not see you breathe
Your face was just as ******
It was slowly flowing beneath

I crawled slowly to you
and tried to hold your hand
I didn't know which was worst
This or a kiss from that man

Either way I knew somehow
I was about to lose you
Terrified of losing time
I told you what I knew

"I wished I had more time
I wished we had an avenue
But now I wish you happiness
in all the ways he treats you.

Just know that I will miss you
and I will never ever forget
the short moments we endured
the blood, the tears, the sweat."

Just as I finished those words
her eyes drooped to a close
she held my hands tightly
as I completed my prose

I guess now it's the end
I have completely lost her
Not an edge of life hung
in the balance of her wonder

Years have past me by
and I still think of her
I loved her intensely
but now it's just a blur.

I see hot fumes dressing the empty air
above my chocolate-colored bitterness.
And in between this wasp of hot trappings,
I see your name in abbreviations.

Her skin looks pale,

White shedding brown,

like a golden brown velvet

strewn across a skeleton

made from Cleopatra’s frame.

There is nothing to it,

her sway is flawless

in her stilettos,

O’ God those stilettos.

She pave the roads with

blossoms of Primrose

and Calla Lilies, as the tip

of her heels stab the earth.



Her body melts cotton candies

in winter,

her curve bakes pastries

in snowy mountains,

It was an unbelievable sight,

like a sunrise, she climbs the edges

of the highest of peaks,

like the wind, she enters a heart by

the creaks; like a creep.

Perhaps nothing shall stop her,

Her footsteps continue to pierce

the soil, making a sound close to the

cracking of my knuckles.



She made people snivel and weep

when she enters the room

with her slender black dress.

She makes heads turn almost

to their full circle,

it would be death to steal a

peek, or glance, a peep.

She is the sun on earth:

hot and highly radiated

but too tempting to be left alone.

She is like the still waters:

calm, clean and serene

but too quiet to know the depth;

and still willingly jump in.

It is like believing again.

She is like believing again.



She is tiny as is her name,

It shall rhyme as the bell shines,

Her hair, her coiled twisted hair,

is much like herself: curled, twisted

bended.

Yet she is, perhaps, the twist in life,

the curl of wind on her bosoms, or

the bend of spines when eyes turn

to gaze at her splendor.

It is uncertain what she is,

but I know, vaguely.

She, like a Zinnia, shall be the

decoration of this planet.

She shall be, though exaggerated,

the reason for our existence.

She, corrupted and dangerous,

shall reclaim her spot in divinity

and shall forever more be

my source of inspiration.



Like a stream of clear water,

gushing down the torrent

ovately,

ornately,

creatively,

purposefully…

She shall see herself,

breathe herself and know that

only she is the one she could

deliberately fall…

…or fail.

The black sand shall be her dress,

the grey rocks shall be her stilettos,

that clear water be her conscience

as she takes on the world.

With her cursive eye shadows

she will see the funny side of

life; she will see it thoroughly.

She, regardless, will persist

and resist the failure

of herself, with the moist

creek on her seductive lips.



She is seduction.

She is temptation.

In the coldest nights
The warmest noon
The cocoa shivered
Sweat ensues

I tinkered with
My bickering thoughts
Of how magnificent
You struck my chords

Your delightful smile
Those bubblegum lips
It held my heart
As it wails and weeps

Your coiled long hair
Like a ringlet of fire
Soft like river stream
I long to admire

Your velvety skin
Smooth like silk
It’s neither dark
Nor fair like milk

Your laughter sounds
My heart combust
Erupted pleasure
Your words – my lust

I long for you
A magnetic chemistry
I yearn for you
Oh what blasphemy!

I wish you knew
My feelings for you
The words unsaid
The sentences sealed

Blood flows deep
In our veins of lust
But could it almost be
Love at long last?

In this cold night
I sit and wrote
For you words are easy
It comes by the load

The clock struck twelve
Reality arise
I imagined your face
As the sun rise

Excited I was
To be at work
To catch a glimpse
Of places you lurk

I wish we had
A better finale
Perhaps you are
One that got away

I know we hadn’t
A bitter beginning
So adorable our story
Memorable – our dancing

I want you to know
That up above
My lust for you
Has a tiny love

I want you to know
That despite all things
You have played a part
**In my everything.

I feel close to you,
Though far,
I feel the chill down the spine.
Like raindrops falling on leaves,
you slipped right through me.
You slipped right into me.

I imagine your hands
and how it would feel like to hold them,
I imagine your eyes,
and how it could read my play by play.
Imagination fuels curiosity,
Curiosity fuels death – death in your hands.

Unique relationship of a thousand purposes,
We walk towards an oriental sun,
I remember your perfume
like memorizing keyboard characters.
But we have dismembered physicality.
We have configured a disfigured mentality.

Let’s not go outside,
Beauty has its way to disconnection,
I know it too well from you.
I feel detached from my consciousness,
In this dream, rationality became serendipity.
I turned to sleep – only to stay awake.

I have always thought of you
as someone greater than who you really think you are.
as someone more unassuming than I thought you were.
as someone so ultimately challenging.
as someone I would never ever be able to get mad at
despite how annoying you can be at times.
as someone so incredibly smart
even you yourself could not fathom
how I got to that conclusion.
I have always thought of you this way,
despite everything else that I’ve said,
these few things were the most important
were the most prevalent
were the most meaningful but yet has no meaning
to me.

My days are usually cold.
It always were and it always will be.
I slip into what I am most comfortable in,
but I know these jackets are nowhere near as comfortable
as when our naked bodies touches each other.
I drink my ice coffee, I sat on those crispy wooden chairs,
in hopes to see you ‘accidentally’,
but I know it’s nowhere near as awakening
as when you talk to me, whatever it may be.
I smoke my cigarette, light it ferociously,
but I know it’s nowhere near as fiery
as when our mind thought of the same joke,
as when our mind hates the same person,
as when our mind likes the same song,
as when our mind misses the other.
I crack chilly jokes, I make frozen comments,
I appear numbly flirtatious, I appear uncharted,
I put up a facade, like a game of Charades,
but I know it’s nowhere near as ridiculously
fallible and flawed
as our true feelings are for each other.
To err is to cling on emotional tendencies,
And I am clinging with inches of my fingers
on the edges of your heart,
and I learned that no matter what we are,
you are very important to me
both psychologically and mentally,
both physically and emotionally.

My nights are incredibly lonely.
My thoughts usually wander to the impossible.
Like us - the impossibility fares to its extreme.
I slip into my pyjamas and as psychotic as this may sound
I wish it was made out of your skin.
I wish it smells like you, speaks like you,
looks like you, walks like you,
brushes its hair like you,
bites its lip like you,
holds its cigarettes like you,
just like you.
Nothing escapes my paradoxical mind.
I close my eyes hoping to count sheeps
but instead I counted my days with you.
Every night I assured myself that we could never work,
but every morning I awake excited to catch a glimpse
of your stupidly looking fringe
and yet I still love it unconditionally.
No one is as big of a fool as I am when it comes to you,
and no one is as big of a tool as I am too.
Because
Every moment I am ridiculously awake
I spent it putting my thoughts of you to sleep.
And
Every moment I am thoroughly asleep
I spent it hoping you’ll be safely awake.

Because we all know
nightmares can be scary.

And because we all know
sweet dreams can be scarier.

And because we all know
forbidden love is the scariest.

As I close my eyes hoping to fall asleep
I realised I have instead fallen in love.

How terrifying,
a boat ashore,
waiting to take us,
away from war.

How terrifying,
we want to be,
taken away,
far into the sea.

How terrifying,
the ocean parts,
submerging knees,
and drowning hearts.

How terrifying,
the river starts,
pebbles hop,
for yards and yards.

How terrifying,
the boat fights,
the loneliest of dawn,
the darkest of night.

How terrifying,
in the midst of this,
my heart crushed
into tiny little bits.

How terrifying,
fear consumed bliss,
as I lean over,
for one more kiss.

How terrifying,
my eyes torn,
to finally find,
you indefinitely gone.

I feel as close to you as how wind is to my skin,
I feel as powerful with you as how I am with a gun.
I feel as courageous next to you as how sky divers are with working parachutes.
I feel as sad without you as departing rain drops from dark hovering clouds.
I feel as bored dismissing you as a good book read by a blind man.
I feel as far from you as how the visible sun is if you look from Earth.
I feel as clouded missing you as the moon is clouded by nebulae.
I feel as dejected promising you as government cronies over promising development.
I feel as lonely not seeing you as Golden Retrievers are when their masters are not around.
I feel as blatantly bloated next to you as over-heated air balloons raise up the shiny sky.
I feel as speechless around you as unprepared speakers in a conference hall.
And at the end, I feel as close to you as how my eyes met yours then cheekily, we detached our sight and pretend that we were never close at all.
I feel close to you still
but even closer
to sin.

Your soul is like blazing fire
it keeps me warm
like a pair of gloves
wrapped around my fingers.

But now that flame has died
I feel cold, alone, frostbitten
like a carcass in the snow
left for dead by you.

I love how your personality
come through even in a text
I love how you remember
the things I've only mentioned once
I love how your laugh
makes other people laugh
I love watching you
watch your favorite show

Your voice.
Your unique scent.

i mean so little to you,
but maybe I mean a lot,
but your not saying so,
made it an even doubtful plot.

i mean so little to you,
but maybe I mean a little,
but your act of unkindness,
stirred up all sorts of trouble.

i mean so little to you,
but maybe I mean nothing,
but your firm conviction in it,
shattered my every single thing.

i mean so little to you,
but maybe this was to be,
but this travesty I can't accept,
*'cause you meant everything to me.

The hardest thing to do is to tell you I miss you without actually telling you I do.

Our inconstant friendship is the product of our inability to be constant lovers.

I've seen you in striped white,
I've seen you in black wrap-around tops,
I've seen you in stilettos,
I've seen you in Fitflops.

I've seen you in the bluest of days,
I've seen you in the rainiest of nights,
I've seen you in the face of the sun,
I've seen you in the wind-full of kites.

I've seen you in the trajectory of life,
I've seen you stare at me with care,
I've seen you in the droplets of water,
I've seen you in every castle in the air.

I've seen you dreaming,
I've seen you back in reality,
I've seen you physically Earthy,
I've seen you  emotionally Mars-y,

I've seen you sad and jubilant,
I've seen you troubled, but kept a smile,
I've seen you doubled - in poker,
I've seen you gone crazily wild.

I've seen you in green-blinking nails,
I've seen you return my stutters,
I've seen you stand tall - confident,
I've seen you slouch - don't matter.

I've seen you looking into empty spaces,
I've seen you looking into a tasty plate,
I've seen you doubt yourself,
I've seen you believing in fate.

I've seen you in the bakery,
I've seen you in a factory,
I've seen you in your beauty,
I've seen you in your most ball-sy.

I've seen you in the bus,
I've seen you read,
I've seen you pick up a microphone,
I've seen you speaking with speed.

I've seen you with a newspaper,
I've seen you with an iPad,
I've seen you with a t-shirt,
I've seen you stylishly clad.

I've seen you work hard,
I've seen you studied irresponsibly,
I've seen you proud,
I've seen you flicker embarrassingly.

I've seen you here,
I've seen you there,
I've seen you near,
I've seen you everywhere.

I've seen enough,
I've seen you in extremes,
I've seen you thorough,
I've seen you in teams.

I've seen you verily,
I've seen you truly,
I've seen so much inspiration,
I've seen you guilty.

I've seen "I've seen" 58 times,
I've seen you more than that few.
But I would've seen nothing more,
If I've seen none of you.

my eyelids closed resembling a lazy curtain,
i drew a deep breath going into a lost world.
the journey was long; the abyss so deep,
so dark, so lonely.
and i was determined that i will find you,
in the midst of these shadows.
but i was more convinced that if i find you,
i will be just as lost.

seven years has passed,
i still have no idea where i am,
and then i realised,
i may have found you,
seven years ago.

In life there aren’t many things that we could save
Not everything works the way you want them to
not everything last for the period you foresee them to last.
It just happens.
You love someone that you can't
and then they go on and love somebody else
and you mourn as though life is over
and your dog is dead
but then one morning you wake up, fresh and awake
and with a clear head you realize you've felt nothing but numbness.
You just couldn't take the heart ache anymore.
You realize nothing last
and things that doesn't last
doesn't need much of your time anyway.
So you slowly slip away
you slowly let go
and you slowly
treat everyone you've met
a stranger
and every love you gave
an unfounded charity
like something of meaning to the other person
but something you will probably forget
They probably won't remember
what you've done for them
words that were said to them
nights spent thinking about them
and words arranged in ways
to preoccupy their minds
with the rhymes in your sentences
Because in life
when the time to let go comes
you always try to sleep it off.

So now she's gone from the tips of your fingers
You realize she has flown away somewhere
and really there isn't much you can do because
well...
there really isn't much to do
when both your lives are being lived
on separate parallel lanes.
People collide and passion sparked
but what you have
is an accident at an intersection
and for that few blissful moments
you realize that moment
will be eternally yours
even if you look back years later.
She may be gone
and you may live on
on your own path of life
but you will forever remember
that bright sunny day
when you met her
despite all your own baggage
at that beautiful intersection
when you spoke under the rays of the sun
and when the rest was pretty much
the beginning of your end.

chasing time, we run barefooted,
showing off, we ran to each other,
blackened shadows, we saw and feel,
mannered kiss, we didn’t even bother.
we dwelled in the most magnificent touch,
we swelled in each significant caresses,
we cannot, we should not, we would not,
but really, we could not afford losing us.
no really, i cannot let go off this lust.

At the end of the river,
the rocks stare helplessly
at the pristine stream of waters
spewing to form a waterfall.

I am helpless as ever
I watch you leave behind
the sound of turning doorknobs
like water at a plunge pool.

As the door closed behind you
the creak turned into a groan
I leaped off the rocks
to find you.

You were gone
So was I
floating in our torrents
of complete sorrow.

I am so **** tired
to always be
holding on
to this
hand.

I am so **** tired
to always think
that we will
always
last

I am so **** tired
of missing you
because I
know you
don't

I am so **** tired
of wanting you
when I know
we will
cease

I am so **** tired
eyes closing shut
view of you
slowly
fades

I am so **** tired
feelings for you
suppressed deep
inside
me

I am so **** tired
I cannot wait
I just can't
I just...
can't...

...

X-ray my heart tonight
No radiation I can’t take
Drip me my anesthetics
Yet I am widely awake

X marks the soft spot
Never ending maze
Drive me to your heart
You never fail to amaze

Xylophone can be heard
Neither soft nor loud
Dagger through my soul
You are what this is about

X-Files resembles us
Never-ending alienation
Driving into an abyss
You are my constant confusion

Xerox my feelings for you
Note it down in fragrant paper
Drowning…in hopes that
You have the best birthday ever

There is nothing in this world
that i want more
than to stop seeing you

Not because i hate you
but because i don't know
how to
love
you
...

The sunny day of January invited the sun's radiation that burns skin as fire could burn through paper.
Perhaps that was why everything we planned was a heat-up and dramatic hope.
Perhaps like the partly burned coal, our hope too burns itself to the emptiest cinders of all.
The hopeful plan we once had was dramatized to create illusions of the fantasy we'd like to live in, but a reality that we could not create because the reality is, we are nothing but the matter of expired fire.

We are the ashes of what we left behind.

We may have stopped giving off flames, but we still have some combustible matter in us; and soon, what follows is, for the better - an explosion, or for the worst - an implosion.

Make this mistake with me,
Just dive into us,
Because we are crystal clear,
We are blue water ocean deep,
I'll hold your other hand
discreetly.
I'll kiss your lips
on days He won't kiss yours.
And I'll hug you from behind
on days He got it all wrong.

Make this mistake with me,
Trust your heart my Libran goddess,
Because if all of me is what it takes
to sweep all of you off the ground
then I will come un-grounded,
undefeated, unfazed, unclothed.
Without the fear of the world
I will come to you
in the night.
I will fill the emptiness of your room,
with the snores of my palpable fingers
resting on the edge of the very shoulders
that is wrong for me to lay my lips on.

Make this mistake with me,
Listen to the voices you deemed untrustworthy, dishonest, unethical.
All your excuses to not do
should be set aflame.
He has nothing on you, nothing on me.
He Has Nothing.
Just fly up high with me.
Find a day where this forbidden fruit
can find a space where both of us
can reside and relive and redo
what we could have, should have, would have
done.
It's okay honey. All is not wrong.
You know you can trust me.
I know you want to trust me.

So make this mistake for you.
Nothing is forbidden
if you decide its permissible.
Make the mistake for me
and throw all our logic out the window,
out the door.
Throw all safety nets out to
His unwarranted sea.
Because although He has everything,
He is not everything.
He is not me.

And like how I've always been waiting,
I am here still
waiting for you
to slide over.

So slide.

Sometimes friends we are
And sometimes we are more
Sometimes lovers we could be
But sometimes nothing at all

Sometimes I miss your face
And sometimes for days and days
Sometimes we are where we want to be
But sometimes it is a confusing maze

Sometimes, like now, it'll rain
And sometimes a tear may drain
Sometimes being alone is best
But sometimes being lonely is a pain

Sometimes, like now, you're far away
And sometimes nothing can reach you
Sometimes you don't know if you should stay
But sometimes this is the only way

Sometimes things happens for a reason
And sometimes I think it should
Sometimes we feel like being apart
But sometimes I know we are in the mood

Sometimes I think of you
And sometimes I feel that's rude
Sometimes I try to stop myself
But sometimes

I know

I never really could.

Courage is something I will never have.
Like Christmas presents,
I will never get what I asked for.

Content is something I never understood.
Like history and math,
I never really bothered learning.

Truth is something I can never believe.
Like magicians,
They put you at awe with a pinch of misdirection.

Passion is something I can never maintain.
Like Swiss watches,
Too much effort, too much time, too much risk.

Games are things I will never play.
Like Scrabble,
I have too little vocabulary for too many variables.

Greed is a part I can never avoid.
Like speed,
The faster I go, the faster I go.

You are something I will never get.
Like poker,
I must never cash in more than I can afford.

I guess you are something I truly regret.
Like soap opera,
I cried for something unreal, tear for nothing surreal.

I guess you are something dismay.
Like rainy nights,
Sad songs drummed the rain drops.

I guess you are you, ultimately.
We disconnect like two unfit jigsaws,
We reconnect like two fit strangers.

We reflect, deflect and subject to many a change,
But at the end,
We conclude in silence.

As the curtain drop to a close,
Stillness filled our hearts.
Emptiness filled our dreams.

While speechlessness filled our mouths,
We forget every nip of attraction lost.
Lost to, not mine, but your utmost desire.

Think about this - a holiday that needs no funky dresses.
A holiday so creative, there is no need for red lipsticks, no need for nail clippers, no need for pungent scent of over-powering colognes.
A holiday so relaxing, a massage is as unimportant as a torch light near the sun.
All we need is just you; and perhaps the ever so annoying presence of me.
All we need is a bountiful of sundresses that you own, and perhaps my flowery sense of humor that matches the colors of the purple lilac prints of your sundress.
I could buy you a hat, but only if you promise me that it will only hide you from the sun, and not you from my eyes.
It could be big so you don't need sunscreen; and big enough to stop you from cringing when the sun hits your eyes but small enough that you still require some Banana Boat applied on your skin.
I'll bring the Banana Boat that has your favorite scent and I will put them on my hands; white cream will round my palm as I merge both hands together to a rub and apply the heat on your back. I will do it with so much passion because I want to ensure that only I can have your body and only I can touch your skin and that the beam of those evil UV lights will have none of you to them.
I want to feel the presence of you next to me, in our cabana, hidden away from the noises of the city, from the trinkets of the toy stores, from the audible annoyances of office politics.
I want to hear you play your favorite Azalea tunes on your iPod and secretly loving it as the song burst out of your earphones – teasing me, tempting me, seducing me with your bouncing head.
I want to hold on to my Mai Tai, cold as always, as the droplets of the cold water from melted ice succumbs to the heat my palms are dismissing.
And I want to have that Mai Tai with you, with two straws, with a pineapple decoration on the brink of the glass; and maybe…just maybe…if you're playful, a little umbrella that is in your favorite color.
Perhaps then we can hear the sound of crashing waves as our bodies crashes with the nuances of knowing that we are good for each other, but never at the same time as each other.
We can then, together, in silence, delve in the truth, the evolution, that we crave for the attention of the other, but we have the unfortunate excuse to not believe in that craving.
As we sip on the Mai Tai, we see the sun set, and the horizon is as beautiful and as composed and as straight as the bangs of your hair.
We refuse to leave that beach. And we refuse in our hearts because no words filled the empty silence but sounds of crickets and the ***** of wings of the swallows that flew by us - back to their homes, back to their nests, back to their hearts.
We know one of us will have to break that silence and it is so quiet that a drop of a 20 cent coin can jolt us, make our hearts beat faster with the expectations that we have of what's to come next.
"Let's go", you said.
And I mustered up my muscles, aching for one last stretch of my forearm to pull yours closer to mine.
But I could not.
Because you have walked away, walked ahead and far from me.
You have passed the stream of sea water that we could have left our footprints on, together, side by side.
I took that as a painful hint.
"Perhaps tonight is not the night. Perhaps we are not what we are.", I thought.
I finished up our drink like how I would finish writing our unending story.
I sipped the warm Mai Tai of depression, sadness, disappointment and anger as it travels through my bloodstream.
This alcohol – it filled my empty heart with the depressed, sad, disappointed and angry poison.
I was certainly not in the mood.
I packed my towels, wrapped it around my secure body and around my insecure soul.
As I walk behind you, following your imprints of footsteps left on the sand, I lit a cigarette. I put on my earphones, blasted the Azalea song that you love so much as I envision what could have been our most memorable night.

Beautiful,

Nocturnal,

Enchanting,

No words.

No numbness.

No regrets.
No regrets.

What do I do?

with your overly overrated smile.

What do I do?

with your overly accentuated stare,



You know...
the hardest part of all this is not being drunk.


but because the scariest thing ever on earth for me...



right now...




is introducing you to family and friends....






whom you might just...



fall
in
love
with.


Because then I'll need to

back
off.

I wish I didn't need to.

I wish you knew
how much this ache.

and
I wish I didn't have...
I wish I didn't have

the courage
to let go.

But I did, not because I have to

but because we have to.








I still wish you were all mine...
undoubtedly.

One cold morning,
One usual Tuesday,
I awoke before the sun,
I stretched before the clouds formed,
One exact moment in the morning,
when the water met my face
and when coffee hits the nerves,
I remembered.

It was breezy and gloomy,
The wind blew calmly across,
I can feel it in between my fingers,
I can feel it on my chest
in between my shirt and my skin
as I board the seven o’clock train.

There you were walking down before me
as I wait patiently for the train tracks to roar,
I saw you in your beige jacket,
Your green blouse,
Your black laced skirt,
Your fair, fair skin,
and your black rim glasses,
that tried to hide,
but could not, the droopiness of your sleepy eyes.

I saw them all,
I feel them all,
The beauty, the casualness,
I know them all.
I see you almost every other day,
In the same train,
At the same time,
In the same barrack of steel that encapsulates
all the passion and the indifference we have about our career.

But we never spoke.

Your beauty, your casualness,
is proof that coincidences are dangerous
and fate is perhaps overrated.
I always wonder why
in the midst of all the hustle and bustle of life
we are still hiding behind a façade,
a wall,
a barricade of non-verbal stimuli.
Why are we, in the depths of our cover up,
our ego,
still not anticipating a conversation?
I assure you,
Our eyes met more than once,
But we looked away pretending that this ardor,
This obsession,
This craze and zeal,
is nothing more than a line of sight
and a blink of an eye.
But I know for sure you’ve seen me,
And I know for sure you’ve seen me
seen you,

So what lies between us is a barrage of men and women,
rushing off to their nine AM clock in.
Men carrying their brown briefcases of complexities and anxieties,
Women carrying their vibrant colored handbags of regret and rage,
All to conceal and suppress,
To obscure and to disguise
one uncomfortable conversation about the hardships of their lives.

Perhaps we could never find the courage,
Perchance we never will.
Perhaps this poem will never see its poetic justice,
Perchance it should never too.
But in case it did,
And in case we found courage,
I’d like you to know
that in my train of thoughts that are propped up of complete nonsense,
there is one clear emotional track that will not detour,
and that is to see you sitting opposite me
in that cold metal seat,
and to have you meet me in the eye
only to have the both us look away
in sheer interest
and utter ignorance.

But we both enjoy the visual flirt.
Don’t we?

tick-tock-tick-tock-tick...

I sit down, room darker than night,
I know I have nothing to write.
My writer's block and a poet's clock,
does not stop me from penning a fight.

tick-tock-tick-tock...

I sat down, forced a thought,
I know I have nothing to spite.
My pen is drawn, my paper is laid,
but I couldn't, I'm alone, tonight.

tick-tock-tick...

I stand up, stretch my foot,
I know I have nowhere to go.
The air is thin, the pen not used,
without you, the paper seems cold.

tick-tock...

I stood up, I turned my back,
I look upon the cloudless sky.
I saw your star, the Libra Goddess,
she said "not a day goes by..."

tick...

I lay in bed, the paper and pen
still fresh from procrastination.
The air still thin, the sky empty,
as you seep into my imagination.

...*

My eyes drew a close, an empty dose
of longing and yearning for you.
And in my dream, there is an entrance,
a red carpet of roses awaits you.

my writing, for you, unrhymed,
inspired, collective, untimed.

my wish, expired, worthless dime,
dropped, ignored, some great crime.

my love, for you, heavy climb,
unreachable, too far, too blind.

my ending, our tragedy, your prime,
soulless, tearful, wishful rewind.

our death, my wreck, you seem fine,
your words, my ears, tearfully unkind.

I believe, through days, through time,
but now, I know, you were never really mine.

Tonight was the night
the night where I
forgave myself
for walking you by.

Tonight was the night
the night where I
forgave myself
for giving it a try.

Tonight was the night
the night where I
forgave myself
for all those little lies.

Tonight was the night
the night where I
forgave you
for making me cry.

Tonight was the night
the night where I
forgave you
for seeing that other guy.

Tonight was the night
the night where I
forgave you
for never asking me why.

Tonight was the night
the night where you
forgave me
for loving you still.

Above all, tonight was the night
the night where we
forgave each other
for wanting to be together.

Tonight was the night
the night where we
forgave each other
just miss each other
love each other
care for each other
feel for each other
**we only have each other.

My muse diffused
A love abused
The news infused
My dream refused.

Your life deduced
My life reduced
Our lives seduced
In the end confused.

Words effused
Our lines reused
My passion disused
Together, bemused.

Our game overused
Our emotions excused
Our love perused
But really misused.

Sometimes
I wonder
what His plans were
when He planted
your cheerfulness
into my humdrum
irksome
uninteresting life

Sometimes
in the stillness of the night
and
in the whispers of silence
I still think of you

I am like the wind - always around unassumingly but never noticed by your naked eye.

Until one day, when spring heats up, you long for me, the gust of wind, your wind of life.

If the wind could see you
The world would have been airless
Trees will no longer look breezy
And the night will be hot as hell.

The wind would stop dead
Clouds will turn into marshmallows
The stuffiness of its harsh mellow
Will turn flowers black and blue.

The wind will contain no life
For you have drawn it dry from its well
The wind will move as though unmoving
Through our hairs, on our skin, nothing.

If the wind could see you
My life would have been done and dusted
In the coffin of my sultry yearning for you
I crave the dampness of your slender touch.

The wind would stop and stare
And everything would need to halt
The birds will balance in the middle of the sky
As your beauty took the place of their wings.

The wind would slowly turn into you
As it gazes upon your beauty and magnetism
It transforms its formless body into your figure
Slowly capturing every single detail of your glory.

The breeze and the air-stream will smell like you
And as it travels through my life I will smile
Because then I will have you forever by my side
In the wind, the particles, the abyss of your mind.

I woke ahead of the morning,
for reasons I hardly know.
I clad myself in fancy clothes
but for reasons I hardly know.

I put on a tie - attempted a knot
but failed as I waste more time.
I look at my clock, I look at my watch,
Wonder why it did not chime.

I gulp a steaming cup of espresso,
a shot of adrenaline pumped briskly,
I took my phone, dashed out quickly,
I then forgot my keys.

Found them seep in between the couch,
I had to sweat it out.
Crumpled shirt and an unbalanced tie
I foresee a morning shout.

I ignore a typical Monday dusk,
as I put on my cotton socks,
Slipped my toes into my brogues,
I took one last look at the clock.

I still had time, it is still early,
Perhaps a cigarette before I drive,
I lit one up, minty inhale,
the sun has started to rise.

I rushed in the car, started the engine,
and put my gear to reverse.
I zoom right out my greasy gate,
My tires, all four of them, bursts.

I took one look in the mirror,
I knew it's down the drain,
I might as well call in sick,
and tell my boss it's the rain.

Who would believe that all four tires,
would deflate so quickly at once?
It sounds like a bad joke by a bad comedian,
not believable - like a very bad pun.

I took one last look at my watch,
It's way past 'possible' o-clock.
I left the car to fend for itself,
I went into the house without my socks.

I jumped right back into my silky bed,
happy to see my five pillows.
I am not excited it's the start of the week,
but Tuesday can never be this mellow.

I shut the window, pulled the blinds,
Sleep deprived made me berserk.
"Mundane Monday", "Monday blues",
Whatever...you're the one at work.

You sang to me
Your voice lingers
in the stillness of the air
and it travels
in the the quietness of the night
seeping through every inch of solitude
on a cloud of soft melody
that cuts through finely
and enters the cracks of my heart.

You sang to me
Your priceless expression
when you force your voice
out of your lungs
eyes closed and hands squeezed
as you mouth the lyrics
that matches the darkest secret
in your deepest jar of hearts

You sang to me
the walls heard you
as the meanings of every note
sank deep inside my soul
as it tries to decipher meanings
like a rubik's cube
twisting, turning, looking
into your cryptic eyes
for a sign.

You sang to me
that voice I shall never forget
the veins on your neck
as the song of despair
travels through your windpipes
will forever be scarred
in my memory
how it pops up searching for me
how it expands as your blood
searches for me in your head
how it flows indefinitely.

You sang to me
heaven awoke and hell broke loose
because I remember the songs
the choice
the timing
the kiss
the accentuated lyrics
the duet
the melodic waves of sounds
that completes the vagueness
of the room,
the darkness
of our hearts,
with an unbiased
yet unspoken
sets of words.

But you sang to me
and that was enough.