i wake up sweating
i dreamt about some abstract concept i can't remember
the blaring of my alarm tone startles my sub-conscience
do i have to get up ?
the white lights are blinding even behind my eyelids
god, it ******* hurts.
i already feel the many gazes watching me from-- wherever
the padding around me has no meaning
like a bird in a cage i am just decoration
hell-- one day i might start singing
humming mindlessly what they expect of me
another song, another, another.
i'm here for a cure for wellness.
they try to poison me with their words and their lies
they try to break my mind
they try to break me.
*title/general concept taken from the 2016 movie A Cure For Wellness
my mind works at twenty-five times per second
the words, the time, the senses
all blend together into a cluttered mess
we call human life.
*exactly 25 words
today i woke up to a spirit.
i opened my eyes to nothingness, but i could feel the warmth radiating off of the dip in the bed.
at first i was dumbfounded
where were you? could you be the spirit?
and so i fell in l-o-v-e with it.
wherever i go the spirit follows.
i feel it hold my hand
i feel it massage my shoulders
i feel its l-o-v-e giving me subtle back hugs through my days
the day you left i fell in l-o-v-e with a spirit.
the embodiment of your memory
the sweetness of its silence
and if the spirit leaves me, too?
at least i'll be prepared for the emptiness
*it's about the fear of abandonment, part of the reason why they're unable to say "love"
i was nothing but a legend
i am a window tinted with uncertainties,
a bedtime story falling unto deaf ears,
the invisible ink that dried up a week after your ninth birthday
a ghost hidden under blunt-cut bangs,
i left the day it was decided i wasn't enough because
i left a bad taste in your mouth
rainbows are just an illusion and
no one believes in fairy tales
-- No one speaks to the dead.
the rooms go overturned,
the ceramic shatters against the floor,
the fable coming to a disastrous ******
there YOU stand
in the eye of the storm
in the belly of the beast
you. see. ghosts.
-- Suddenly, I draw in my first true breath in years.
when it beats
idk something that just popped into my head
— The End —