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jae Nov 2019
i wake up sweating
i dreamt about some abstract concept i can't remember
the blaring of my alarm tone startles my sub-conscience

do i have to get up ?

the white lights are blinding even behind my eyelids
god, it ******* hurts.
i already feel the many gazes watching me from-- wherever
exposed.

the padding around me has no meaning
like a bird in a cage i am just decoration
hell-- one day i might start singing
humming mindlessly what they expect of me
another song, another, another.

i'm here for a cure for wellness.
they try to poison me with their words and their lies
they try to break my mind
my body
they try to break me.

and soon,
iwillbreak
*title/general concept taken from the 2016 movie A Cure For Wellness
jae Nov 2019
my mind works at twenty-five times per second

the words, the time, the senses
all blend together into a cluttered mess
we call human life.
*exactly 25 words
jae Nov 2019
today i woke up to a spirit.
i opened my eyes to nothingness, but i could feel the warmth radiating off of the dip in the bed.
at first i was dumbfounded
where were you? could you be the spirit?
and so i fell in l-o-v-e with it.

       wherever i go the spirit follows.
i feel it hold my hand
i feel it massage my shoulders
i feel its l-o-v-e giving me subtle back hugs through my days

       the day you left i fell in l-o-v-e with a spirit.
the embodiment of your memory
the sweetness of its silence

       and if the spirit leaves me, too?
at least i'll be prepared for the emptiness
*it's about the fear of abandonment, part of the reason why they're unable to say "love"
jae Nov 2019
a legend.
i was nothing but a legend
i am a window tinted with uncertainties,
a bedtime story falling unto deaf ears,
the invisible ink that dried up a week after your ninth birthday

a ghost hidden under blunt-cut bangs,
i left the day it was decided i wasn't enough because
i left a bad taste in your mouth

rainbows are just an illusion and
no one believes in fairy tales
-- No one speaks to the dead.

and so,
the rooms go overturned,
the ceramic shatters against the floor,
the fable coming to a disastrous ******

there YOU stand
in the eye of the storm
in the belly of the beast
you. see. ghosts.

-- Suddenly, I draw in my first true breath in years.
  Nov 2019 jae
Ray Dunn
your heart
breaks different
when it beats
alone
idk something that just popped into my head

— The End —