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Cat Faust Dec 2017
1) Don't
2) A strange presence near the woods. Soft lips. A decline in finger tips. You were the child that jumped off of the swing and I guess that's why you occupy your time with things that will only last a moment; the romantic way death bites your lip.
3) When the addict consumes you, remind yourself that you're just another addiction. Once you have exposed yourself, completely, remember that this will not cure their affliction.
4) Refer to step one
#addiction #addict #love
Cat Faust Dec 2017
the water washes over me now
floods the Great Plains of my mind
the dripping faucet that is my heart
can no longer bear the weight

heavy still
I feel like my brain is a dusty attic
hippocampus filled with boxes
unopened
speak softly or forever hold your peace
come at me
broom in hand
sweep me off my feet
dusty books filled with blank words
tell stories of girls just like me

unable to speak
they’ve always been told, speak only when spoken to
be wary of storms in people for they have no boundaries
and sometimes dusty attics get picked up in the tornado
twisting about their lives

Loose in their hands
They follow
Jagged razor blades
Raining down feathers on a horizon
Blessed by currents
Dressed in black
Enveloped by an ocean
Strangled by casualties
Leaping onto a path of nothingness
Shadows, slitting their wrists and screaming
And all i hear are broken plates
All i see is the color red
All i feel is the intense movement of my body
Raining forward into a tunnel
Tell me why i always close my eyes and wish for something?
When i know that at the end of the tunnel there will only be light
Freeing my hands from broken glass
Broken plates
Swept up and thrown away
I am soft petals being torn by anxious hands
An energy disguised in limerick
A moon flushed by hungry eyes

An emotional ******
a collector of sorts
experiences kept on the top shelf
lovers on the one below
moving with the wind
never against
afraid to lock eyes with someone
because that, in itself, is too much commitment
an outward confession that I too, harbor emotions
the emotional addict
the adrenaline of shooting yourself up with a new feeling
terrifying
knowing that the drug will not suffice
one day
crave much more than the ache one causes you
one day, want to trip on the heartstrings of another
but most frightening is the possibility that people
will cease to be my fix

in hopes of bringing a puppet interest
A glass of thick tar, light

I need to learn that people are not antidepressants

When the bear faced me
Standing in the forest
Looking downward at the sun
I found myself standing in a river bend
Hand laced in hand
Round rivers, whispering wolves
Chants to the gods
Colorful skies
Mountains
Growing
Towards the seas
Ladies dancing in evergreen
Cat Faust Dec 2017
Pink chiffon

Cotton candy hair

Floral wallpaper

Ashtray filled

of virgina slims

Eyes so dark that her pupils get lost

She gets lost

Sometimes

Forgets to come out of the bathtub

Lost in the tiles

Imagining faces between the cracks

She looks out at the glow of the street lights

A single

Flickers

The dark carnival is coming

She looks down at her ashtray

Thinks about taking it out

The cigarettes turn to caterpillars

she turns to her bookshelf  

Watches the books turn to dust

And she wonders what's for dinner

She sits on the davenport, still

The record player begins to play

She twitches

Gets up to look in the mirror
Her face

She notices the wrinkles forming

At the corners of her eyes

Around her lips

She touches them

Remembers the ad for a special lotion in the paper



She stands in the mirror & touches it

Her hand slips through the mirror

Grasps her reflection

Her face begins to fall further

Begins to melt off

She glances quickly at her reflection

Now she stand in a room full of mirrors

Mirrors of all kinds

Melting all around her





-The dark carnival is here
Cat Faust Dec 2017
Little girl
Red dress draped across her
Detached from her body
Humming lullabies next to the willow tree
Tearing of pieces of the bark
Breaking them into smaller pieces
Whispering willows speak delightfully about the girl in red
The girl spends afternoons sitting off the pier
Toes emerged in the salty blue
Sometimes dangling her head off of the pier and reaching her fingertips into the water
She spend hours staring at her reflection
Sometimes washing the water over it
Disfiguring it
The sun has set now
The cicadas buzz around her
The air, sticky and hot
She lay down on her back
Looks up at the night sky
Stars sprinkled across-
Cat Faust Dec 2017
Miraculously
A door blows open
Not a single person stand behind it

I walk in and sit in a bathtub
I dream that this bathtub is floating in the Dead Sea
Cat Faust Dec 2017
she told me music is her religion

                            so I started listening to her favorite songs

and studying lyrics

her body is my temple and I pray everyday

                      have you ever looked up at the sky and prayed to no god at all?

if you continue to use people

you will walk away from the burning church

confused and unscathed
Cat Faust Dec 2017
The wolf stands at my doorstep
Howling
Scratching
Begging for the key
I told the wolf that I would lock the door and hide the key
Even though the wolf escaped
It found that the outside world was no match for its sharp teeth
Gnawing on familiar bones
Bones that have already been cleaned of flesh
Still the wolf wants more
Until the bone marrow is drawn
He finds the skeletons in your closet to be his favorite meal
Still hungry
He runs from home to home
Typically breaking and entering
Is against the law
But the wolf knows his way around the law
The more naive the victim, the better.
He says
He also tells me that he is no longer scared of living
Because he is no longer scared of death
And in that moment I realized how incredibly scared I was of dying
As I held the pills in the palm of my hand
I didn't think of the afterlife

Love is a monstrous disease
It blinds some
And cures most
When it's gone
You feel as if your veins are missing venom
You’re carving out your insides to find something invisible to the naked eye
  
I guess I still haven't mastered how to train a wild animal how to be loved

Maybe I am more wolf than dog
Maybe I am more pack than lone

They say addicts are self medicating
But what if the addict isn't an addict at all

He looked at world with pistol eyes
and never lacked ammunition

And I guess it's hard to see something when it's not there

His hands are shaking
He has lost control
Maybe there is something beautiful in a loss of control
The world is picturesque
Daydream
Nothing seems real anymore

Mistakes keep piling up but he doesn't forget to take out the trash

Sweep it under the rug
Let's just not talk about it

Because it's better living this way

Until you go to sleep at night
That's when you have the most trouble

Sleeping still
Sleep paralysis
You don't see anything in the corner of your room
Nothing haunts you more than yourself
You cannot move
You feel like you cannot breathe

Your hand is no longer shaking
But you are
On the inside
Just as much as you were before

Howling
#wolves #addiction #mentalhealth
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