It felt like having my chest cut open
over and over again
and the stinging pain just won't go away
it leaves me begging on my knees
for mercy and sympathy
and all I get are deeper cuts
and bigger pains.

It feels like having my heart ripped and shattered
crushed and broken
burnt and destroyed  
and it feels like everyone is watching
as I'm being smothered.

I'm simultaneously the happiest and saddest person.
And I'm still trying to figure out how that works.

who knew
that words would hurt
just as bad as
the blade
that was tearing my skin

The first time isn't deep
It's basically just a scratch from the blade
It doesn't bleed a lot
But just enough
To feel the rush

The second time isn't much deeper
"It hurts to much"
But he still feels release
"The pain feels good"
One last slow cut across his wrist

The third time is deeper than before
It's bleeding more
It's hurting less
He loves it more
Hates it less

The fourth time he passes out
He cut deep enough to split the skin
"It makes me feel better"
He explains
"I like it. It puts the hurt on the outside"


The fifth time he goes to the hospital
It's an addiction
Just like other things
He can't stop
No matter how hard he tries

The sixth time there is no pain
He hates having a girlfriend
Then he will need to explain
She will leave him
He couldn't handle it

The seventh time it's his throat
He's home alone
Music blasting
He has a knife
Pressed against his throat
Crying
Hurting
Wanting to be gone

One quick swipe*
It's all over