They keep asking me
Speechless
I pretended, searching for an answer
How could I tell them?

I was just lost all those years

365 123119
a kiss on new year’s eve

with a sigh
i closed my eyes
and before the last hours
of the year’s solitude
hope kissed me good night
ahhh, what a beautiful ending
for a bittersweet yesteryear

baby don’t be sad
if you are the sun
and i am the moon
for we will meet soon
and it will be beautiful
a beautiful eclipse

i broke up with you weeks before Christmas
but after a few days, i asked you to take me back
and you said you still want me
we’ve talked about gifts and you told me
that i am the gift and you’ll unwrap me
so i gave myself again, we made love on Christmas eve

we’ve talked about plans for 2020
fireworks and foods and parties
beer and noise and family
we kissed on New Year’s eve
wishing each other a good year

but you’ve broken up with me three days after
and i was mad and sad and hurt
so i told you to delete our photos
the messages and everything left to erase
i asked you not to message me until i’m okay
and i unfollowed you in social media

but after two ******* days
i felt guilty for totally shutting you up
and so i was the first one to reach out
told you that we can be friends again
that i acted immature and i was sorry
and so we are casual again

but it’s so hard not to call you baby
sometimes i slipped
sometimes you say you missed me
and want to flirt again
sometimes we can’t hold back
and so we sinned again

you say i am beautiful like a queen
that you regretted breaking up with me
you said you’ll never take me for granted again
this time you will be honest
and so we fell into our old habits again
you are mine and i am yours

and now we are talking about Valentines
and poems and roses and dates
flirting, kissing, moaning
we are talking about it
as if we’re never gonna break again

addicted to your lips
and the poetry it speaks
and every time we kiss
oh darling im in bliss

your love, violent
causing scars, bruises and wounds
all over my heart

jailed for a long time
prisoner of our lost love
when will i be freed?

counting sunrise and
sunset, until tomorrow
finally brings you

paper clips, red seals
hand written artsy letters
check your post mail babe

rose || kiss


darling your red lips
luscious like red rose petals
they are mine to kiss

hues of golden sun
blankets of prismatic clouds
colors of our love

oh bella luna
poor is your beloved wolf
loving from afar

snowflakes on my hair
dissipates into thin air
fleeting like our love

humid, skin to skin
lipstick stained cigarette stub
i wish it’s your lips

took a coffee break
my heart starts to palpitate
just like our first kiss

wink and grin and lips
blue sky eyes and sunset dress
you, a dream at sight

we are nothing but part- time lovers
who loves only during the night, when it’s dark
when we’re both lonely and miserable
when we’re both left wasted and alone
and for a moment in time, within the darkness
within the consuming chaos of both minds
within the growing sadness of both hearts
we found each other, we have each other
we are not alone, we are alone together
sharing the same pain, drowning in the same tears
we are not **** buddies, we are not pretentious
we are just ****** up human beings
who found solace in each other’s embrace

her fortune teller eyes
they cried
i bet she saw
there ain’t no
forever with
the one she loves

9/9 end of belle series
she the belle in disguise
still masked by stories in her mind
the dreams she built and lost
the love she kept, even the ghost
it all haunts her, asleep and awake
but still her soul would not break
her soul will never break
she will never break
.
.







PS
maybe she’s not a belle in disguise
maybe you just have to look into her eyes
to see that her world, that this so called reality
is the culprit, oh, how reality is just a fantasy

whatever curves and carbs you’ve got
didn’t i tell you, i love you and your scoliosis
i love you just the same, or maybe more
oh my fainthearted belle
when will you realize that from a cocoon
you are now a lovely butterfly?
if you only saw, if you only believed
belle, you are a beautiful metamorphosis

so many times
cupid has shot your heart
yet it was all a failure
now you don’t trust him
whenever a new arrow
plunges into your heart
you failed to feel
and now you’re looking
for love in all the wrong places
oh my darling belle
rest easy your heart
believe me, someday,
someone will be worth
that pain of an arrow shot
someday, he will find you
and when he does, he will love you
the way you deserve to be loved

look at the mirror
look at yourself
filled with broken poetries
from shattered dreams
and shattered heart
those deadbeat words
that never made it to your mouth
now choking you to death
those bloodstained verses
for unheard horrible screams
lurking in your head
look, look at yourself
my beautiful belle in disguise
the monsters you’ve tried to hide
the tears you’ve failed to free
look, look at the face you’ve faked
why can’t you just say you’re weak??

you love too much, you give too much
so much of yourself you’re giving away
no matter what, with nothing in return
but you my belle, despite of everything
despite of how much you pour yourself
you never run out, you never go empty
oh my sweetest bella
you are my definition of bella ame

oh my belle, my beautiful belle
you mourn in front of the mirror
each night you feel queerer
so you bury yourself, clutching the trigger

oh my belle, my pretty little belle
beauty you deny yourself
you’re afraid for the world to attest
so you shut your eyes to the rest

oh my belle, my lovely dove belle
you died when you put that mask
why did you do that to yourself
do you hate your skin that much?

oh my belle, my poor sad belle
you were once my sunshine
lighting up my world with your smile
you don’t even have to try

oh my belle, my beautiful dead belle
i’ll never forget the way the light left your eyes
and my only consolation is i’ll never hear your cries
oh my precious belle, flickers and fades and dies

a cloudless sky as clear as your eyes
ohh i see you are a belle in disguise
in you, there is quiet and hurricanes
flowers, rainbows and rains
ohh you a belle in disguise
tiptoeing between truths and lies
don’t let them take whatever remains
don’t let reality put you into chains

i see a glow in your eyes
despite the sad songs you write
i see dreams and fires
and all your brilliance
you glow, you shine
you bring light and warmth
yet you do not know it
i’m writing this letter to you
you the belle of my life
in case you forget
you are loved, very much loved

she sings of broken dreams and loneliness
she smells of *** and cigarettes
she takes me high, she takes me low
she is the belle i can’t let go
she dances for me when she is high
she tells me she loves me but it’s a lie
she gets me high yet she let’s me down
but still she is the belle i can’t let go

93
it can be a drop of clear fluid
or a cut, a rip, a wrench
but when you said your last goodbye
oh darling
my heart bleeds through my eyes
and suddenly, tears
it means saline solution
and at the same time a laceration
and my heart, oh my good heart


it tears...

87 Black Magic
what kind of black magic
did you cast on me
that no matter
how many lips i kissed
it’s still your name
i spell on my lips

73 march 14 11:16 pm
“i have forgotten her”
he whispered to me
but my love, you don’t
you have hidden her
within your words
and fragments of your love
oh i see them in your poetry

last night
you invaded my space
and today, oh darling
my pillows and bedsheet
smells like you
— sweat and lust

but i am just a “once”
that you never dare
to commit again

woman, not all lost battle
means defeat, stand still
because someday,
all the tears you shed
will bloom rainbows and gardens
in your heart, in your soul
and you will flourish
oh nothing but a beautiful blossom

i didn’t know i was bleeding
until i saw the blood d
                                     r
                                     i
                                     p
                                     p
                                     i
                                     n
                                     g
just like how i didn’t know
that you already left me
until i realized
it’s such a long time
and i was still here
staying, waiting

in the somber shade
of worn summer nights
hidden were boxes
of summer memories
left to rot in the attic
there’s a fog drifting
through the smokey alley
of memory lane
and words of promises
slowly evaporates
to the empty summer air
i stood there, reminiscing
letting flashbulb images
run through my chaotic heart
a tear falls, and more
as i finally took a step away
from a place we once called
our home

42 Paraselene
bereft of solace
i stood captive of the moon
then you caught my eye
you little glow, you little light
unnoticed beside la luna
oh beautiful paraselene
how i want to be the moon
if you will be
my beautiful bended light

41 Way away
if i sail way away away
from this world
to the end of every oceans
and galaxies and infinities
will you follow me knowing
that i am still complete
with or without you?

30 Cycle
“roses are red...”
just like how we bleed
we’re stuck in this cycle
trying to recycle
to reuse the same lines
for every the same lies
the aftermath is in our poetry
twisting our very own story
and now we’re both left
trying to figure out
each and every petal
on “what ifs” we settle
i’m tired, i’m tired
of reading between the lines
guessing which are lies
words remained unspoken
leaving us more than broken

oh darling
we’ll be bones and ashes
before we reach
our overrated
eternity

Monday air has reached my skin
waking up my sleeping veins
sending colors in this monochromatic scheme
i wait for the magic to sink in
as the sun flashes colors of dream
i can’t help but open my eyes and grin

let the day
take you away
until the sun sets
when the moon rises
i’ll take you back
here in my arms
safe in my embrace

15 Lifetime
if it takes the universe
a thousand years
for the super moon
my love, i could a wait
a million of lifetimes
just to be with you

some love
like a zephyr
gentle, it will make you feel it
some love
like a gust
sudden, it will make you sway
but my love
oh my love for you darling
like a whirlwind
dangerous, powerful
it will blow you away

i fell for your dreams
even your most convincing lies
i fell for your truths
your vulnerability at nights
i fell for your curious smile
and your wicked mind
i fell for the honesty
and the words you rhymed
i fell for the wrong reasons
and now i fear to confess

whenever i miss you
i close my eyes
and look at the sky
i see you staring down at me
and my tears will slowly fade into smiles
but rare are the moments like these
for most of the time, i miss you and it rains
tears, not smiles

oh darling,
your words are too sweet
they rot your teeth
poisoning every kiss
you plant on my lips

stay with me tonight
one last twilight
keep me close
don’t close your eyes
together we’ll wait
for our last sunrise

let’s unwrap the gift of love...

10 months,
oh time flies so fast
i have been counting the days
since you left me jaded in this place
and out of tears and pain
i cursed the angels for taking you away
how could they?
how could they turn my sunshines into rain?

you’re in my dreams
you’re in my head
i got tangled in your arms
i got tangled in your heart
i can’t escape you
i can’t get away
now i’m trying
i’ll run away from you
don’t lure me back
let me walk away
because no matter what we do
i can’t have you