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Mar 2020 · 220
so i left
amber Mar 2020
all the wine
went to my head
you fell back
and went to bed
Mar 2020 · 90
amber Mar 2020
I refuse to acknowledge,
your vitality.
you do not deserve to exist,
in my reality.
Mar 2020 · 98
amber Mar 2020
when I talk to you, it feels like I'm talking to a shell of a person.
Mar 2020 · 84
amber Mar 2020
I scream until
my throat hurts
until the shrill noise
scratches my esophagus

I scream until
the pain numbs a bit

I scream until
I cry
tears streaming down my face
Mar 2020 · 71
amber Mar 2020
im looking for
a shift in emotion
people can sometimes
provide this motion
Mar 2020 · 81
amber Mar 2020
the light flickers,
everything in the room is illuminated,
only momentarily.
I wish I could see where I am,
it is all so unfamiliar.

the light's mischief is unsettling.
how dare it taunt me,
with the promise of sight,
when there is no such fulfillment.
Mar 2020 · 70
edward norton
amber Mar 2020
although I know I care too much...
I can't help that I stare too much,
now you are here,
and as I look into blue,
I can truly only see you,
and the color of your eyes.
Mar 2020 · 76
i propose this prose
amber Mar 2020
everything you had said was so honest and sweet... but what I really wanted to hear was the thoughts you kept inside.
Mar 2020 · 47
amber Mar 2020
I wish I never let you in,
but I did,
I let you win.
Mar 2020 · 54
amber Mar 2020
why is it so much easier to focus on someone else in the moment?
why is it so straining reverting back to solitude?
why is it so much more desirable to be in control of someone else's body, than your own?
Mar 2020 · 55
amber Mar 2020
he is adorable
simply happy
beautifully content
his vibe is
Mar 2020 · 52
amber Mar 2020
your eyes,
tore into me,
and cut up,
my heart.
your words,
were no kinder,
and left me feeling crushed.
Mar 2020 · 58
amber Mar 2020
you said,
"it seems like you don't care,"
as tears streamed down my cheeks.
I kept trying to answer you,
but I couldn't breathe.
Mar 2020 · 60
amber Mar 2020
I know now,
That I was your home.
I'm sorry I kicked you out.
I'm sorry you're freezing;
I didn't know it was so cold outside.
I swear I didn't know it was pouring.

I don't think I can bear to look at you,
Through this window.
I don't know if you can tell,
But I'm sobbing as I draw the curtains.
Jan 2020 · 217
amber Jan 2020
Sometimes it seems,
You can't see,
Just how broken and alone,
I am.
When I fall,
I have no one to turn to.
You can't kick me.
I'll scream in isolation,
Rip myself apart,
And blame it all on me.
Jan 2020 · 74
amber Jan 2020
my brooding force,
can I call you mine,
or is that audacious?
once so soft and welcoming,
I now feel your thorns,
poking and piercing my skin.
should I brush you away?
would you have that...
or would you draw blood?
Jan 2020 · 85
a wet wednesday
amber Jan 2020
it's pouring outside.
water is collecting,
aside the sidewalk,
amongst the potholes,
and in drops,
atop my coat.

i wanna yell,
and scream,
but i'm stuck here,
watching the rain.
Jan 2020 · 85
amber Jan 2020
are you there?
you never answer,
when I call out your name.
maybe your mind,
is somewhere else.
i hope,
your heart isn't too.
Jan 2020 · 47
amber Jan 2020
you are lit up
and so far way
you cannot see
my light
is burnt out
Jan 2020 · 175
amber Jan 2020
you smile broadly
i can see all of your teeth sparkle
you give me a kiss
and dart out the door
i manage a somber smile
and wonder
why you never ask
if im okay
Jan 2020 · 213
rosy cheeks
amber Jan 2020
My face scrunches up,
Hunching over,
My body draws into itself.

Tears pour out,
Streaming down my face.
Wiping them away incessantly,
Doesn't hault them,
Or my hysteria.

Rubbing uncontrollably,
The skin around my eyes,
Begins to tear.
I can no longer tell...
If I'm still crying,
Or if it's all blood,
Raining down my cheeks,
Staining everything red.
Nov 2019 · 139
amber Nov 2019
I wait for a text
I hope for a call

for when have you ever
been prone to

i am so young
so desperate
for someone to love me

is this why
i can't see
you're pretending
so blatantly?
Oct 2019 · 433
amber Oct 2019
am I no longer a mystery
because you have been
inside of me
Oct 2019 · 127
torn walls
amber Oct 2019
i don't regret
what we have done
you opened me up again
but i can choose to close
myself back up
Oct 2019 · 252
not a wink
amber Oct 2019
all night long
we stay up
I miss out on sleep
to talk to you
you kiss me sweetly
while trying
to take my pants off
all night long
we stay up
for different reasons
Oct 2019 · 204
when will it rain
amber Oct 2019
are you a person,
or a cloud?
you seem to be,
physically solid.
you are warm,
under my touch,
but sometimes,
I feel you fading...
like water vapor,
into a cloud,
above me.
Oct 2019 · 134
the butterflies flew away
amber Oct 2019
this is not supposed,
to fade this quickly.
I'm not meant,
to sink back,
into misery.
have initial butterflies,
already faded?
has my view of you,
already become jaded?
do you like me,
as you say you do...
or am I just ***,
and a dumb joke to you?
Oct 2019 · 121
amber Oct 2019
it would be easier
to not care at all
to not seek you out
for desire to dissipate
and blow in the wind
that way
I could fall right asleep
with no thought
of you
Oct 2019 · 202
in place
amber Oct 2019
somberly standing
slowly sulking
stoic and sad
steadily swaying
sadly saturated
in sobriety
Oct 2019 · 161
sweet then sour
amber Oct 2019
at the end of the day
if all falls through
and i end up
with some distaste
for you
thanks for being kind
Oct 2019 · 111
turn up the volume
amber Oct 2019
i wanna claw
my eyes out
then put on
my favorite movie
to be soothed
by the dialogue
as the blood
rains down my face
Sep 2019 · 881
amber Sep 2019
your embrace is warm,
and it puts me to sleep.
my dream,
is laced with you.
I awake,
finding my fantasy,
to be my reality,
as I drift off,
Sep 2019 · 491
amber Sep 2019
slipping into sleep,
laying my head,
on my pillow,
I imagine it
to be your chest.

the nights drift by.
finally, i find myself,
no longer,
having to pretend.

I don't have my pillow,
but I have you.
your embrace is warm,
and it puts me to sleep.
Sep 2019 · 288
be still
amber Sep 2019
i am laying
as still as possible
i feel a small spider
gently walking across
my right eyebrow
i refuse to stir
or bat it away
if i do
you will know
i am awake
and i would rather
you did not
Aug 2019 · 827
amber Aug 2019
our broken pieces
are not a match
instead of making me
you scratch
and cut
Aug 2019 · 264
amber Aug 2019
my eyes feel heavy,
my head is tired.
if i let some tears fall,
will I feel lighter?
Jun 2019 · 297
cut up
amber Jun 2019
you have cut out your heart,
and offered up your soul.
placing each in my hands,
my grip falters,
as they hit the floor,
and succumb to the cold and dirt.
Jun 2019 · 312
an apology
amber Jun 2019
this is definitely,
not right for me...
even if sometimes,
I want it to be.
it might be true,
that this is what's easy,
but I feel so hollow:
I feel empty.
I can hear your voice,
you sound so giddy.
your elation points out,
my misery.

when i lay down,
i don't think of you,
i think of him:

and i am sorry.
Jun 2019 · 206
amber Jun 2019
I hope I cross your mind,
as i sit in this tub,
watching the water,
drain around me.
Jun 2019 · 165
amber Jun 2019
i am drowning in a pitch black sea:
gasping for air,
and swallowing water.
my throat stings,
as i claw at the liquid,
finding nothing to hold onto.

the water reflects the beam,
from a lighthouse.

i scream out:
to the light;
i scream out:
to you.

but it never finds me,
and neither do you.
Jun 2019 · 141
baby fever
amber Jun 2019
baby so soft
baby arms
so chub
like a soft chubby pillow
hugged my hands
Jun 2019 · 410
rearview mirror
amber Jun 2019
he looked back
on their love

he could not
move forward

he lashed out
and inward
Jun 2019 · 472
amber Jun 2019
a waste of paper
of space

she took her time
she lost her mind

she cut her hair
due to the wear

she wished to vanish
to disappear...
maybe today
maybe in a year
May 2019 · 332
where are you
amber May 2019
your absence
makes me question
my presence
May 2019 · 276
amber May 2019
i sip water
as you sip
on your beer

your cheeks are rosy
and warm to the touch
my hand is ice cold
you flinch and pull away

your eyes are wide
my lip is cracked
a small bead of blood
forms atop
and slips down
my bottom lip

as you sip
on your beer
May 2019 · 237
amber May 2019
i see you sitting
in a sea of people
you still appear

let me
approach you
keep you
so you don't feel
or appear
so alone

maybe you would
let me
i am having trouble
letting myself
Mar 2019 · 312
amber Mar 2019
your eyes absorb,
the entirety of my focus.

waiting for a reply,
you stare back at me.
my lips part,
as I realize,
I have no relevant response.

I learn,
to hear what you say,
I must look away.
Mar 2019 · 278
septic tank
amber Mar 2019
you are sinking,
into septic shallows.
seemingly spacious and safe,
you stay: slowly slipping.

sadly, static sounds in your ear.

you seep into ****,
believing it to be:
Feb 2019 · 440
amber Feb 2019
As I look at you,
Pour your emotions into me,
I gnaw on my thumbnail.
Your eyes,
Scan over everything in the room,
Besides me.

Confessing your fears, desires, confusions,
I stare fixedly at your face.
I wince in pain.
Blood runs down my finger,
Into my palm.
I did not mean,
To rip my nail off,
With my teeth.
Feb 2019 · 172
amber Feb 2019
i wanna see your heart:
open it up,
let me take a glimpse.

sheltering your fears,
holding your desires,
nurturing your passions,

i wanna feel,
how deeply you love.
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