Irene: Poems

May 2020 · 144

almost

Irene May 2020

almost

almost is the saddest word there can be.

"he almost fell in love with me."
"we were almost together."
"i was almost good enough."

when you expect something to happen but it slips out of your reach just like that and it never comes back.

Jun 2018 · 223

surviving vs. thriving

Irene Jun 2018

surviving vs. thriving

i hate feeling like i'm just trying to survive each day lately...
when i want to be thriving - living my life to the fullest.
but sometimes, it's okay if you have to just get through the day.
you tried, and that's enough.
keep going.

06.24.18 been going through a rough time mentally this past season, but slowly healing.

Mar 2018 · 274

alike

Irene Mar 2018

alike

a lot of people put celebrities
and well-known figures
on pedestals
like they are gods or idols
but if you really think about it
they're just like you and i
as different as we all might be
all of us are more alike
than we realize

written on 03.21.18 | happy world poetry day

#worldpoetryday

Mar 2018 · 200

shadow

Irene Mar 2018

shadow

i'm learning to find beauty in the ordinary
just like in the shape of a shadow
i hope i can learn to do this in myself

written on 03.21.18 | happy world poetry day

#worldpoetryday

Mar 2018 · 174

blue

Irene Mar 2018

blue

my favorite color has always been blue
most people may associate blue with sadness
which can be true
but blue is also
the color of
the ocean
and the sky
so blue is not such a sad color afterall
i think blue is my favorite color
because even though it may be a "sad" color
it still is beautiful
the days where there are blue skies
the days where you gaze off
into the distance of the vast ocean
i think that's why blue is my favorite color

written on 03.20.18

Mar 2018 · 253

reasons to stay alive

Irene Mar 2018

reasons to stay alive

i used to want to die
i wanted to end my life
felt like it wouldn't have made a difference
if i weren't here
felt like i had no hope

but i realize
how beautiful life is
if i ended my life today
i could've missed out on so many things

the people and friends i wouldn't have met
the songs i wouldn't have listened to
the memories i wouldn't have made
the sunsets i wouldn't have seen
the candid photographs of me and my friends
having the time of our lives
or just goofing around
the lover i might meet someday
soon i hope
with whom i'll spend the rest of my life with
if i weren't alive

this strange
yet beautiful thing
called life
there are so many reasons to stay alive
and i'm glad i'm still alive now
to be here for it all

inspired by the book "reasons to stay alive" by matt haig | written on 03.17.18

Mar 2018 · 168

stop this train

Irene Mar 2018

stop this train

i'm scared at how time seems to fly by...
someone please
stop this train

inspired by "stop this train" by john mayer | written on 03.17.18

Feb 2018 · 638

10 life lessons i've learned at age 24

Irene Feb 2018

10 life lessons i've learned at age 24

1.) life is fleeting. live in the moment.
2.) people never call anymore. call your mom. call your grandma. call your old friend that you haven't talked to in middle school but wished you knew how they were doing.
3.) one of the worst things in life is to sit at your deathbed with regrets. all those "i wish," "i could have," "i should have"...just do what you're scared to do. it means you're about to do something really brave.
4.) people can't read your mind. no matter how close you are with that other person, they are not a mind-reader. just say what you're feeling, thinking, going through.
5.) you never really know what someone else is going through. show God's love to them.
6.) we forget while we're getting older, our parents are getting older too. cherish the time you have with them while you can.
7.) it's normal to feel lonely and to feel lost, especially in your 20's.
8.) don't worry; everyone else doesn't know what they're doing either.
9.) stop thinking you need to make all these societal milestone "achievements." people grow at different rates.
10.) no one will ever fully and completely understand you like God does. there's that saying: "God loves you more in a moment than anyone could in a lifetime." it's true.

written on feb. 17, 2018.

Feb 2018 · 143

rejects

Irene Feb 2018

rejects

as followers of Jesus,
we will be rejected.
but we need to be reminded
that Jesus was martyred, murdered,
whipped, lashed, spat on, and condemned
for being the Son of God.
as it says in john 15v18:
"if the world hates you,
know that it has hated Me
before it hated you."
don't be ashamed of
being a son or daughter of God.
we aren't called to be like the world.

written on feb. 17, 2018.

Feb 2018 · 109

education

Irene Feb 2018

education

education doesn't stop
after you get your college diploma,
your grad school diploma,
your ph.d...
education is life.
keep learning daily.
also don't forget that
God's wisdom is far higher
than human wisdom.
seek His wisdom above
human wisdom.
and most importantly,
live it out with your
deeds and actions,
not just your words.

a note to self.
written on feb. 17, 2018.

Feb 2018 · 125

misfit

Irene Feb 2018

misfit

you can't be like the world
if you wanna change it.
all the quirks and flaws you
think about yourself,
aren't really flaws.
God calls us to be misfits.

inspired by rosa parks, martin luther king jr, and maya angelou.
written on feb. 17, 2018.

Feb 2018 · 136

speak up

Irene Feb 2018

speak up

to all my fellow quiet people...
who have felt like what you have to say isn't
valuable, heard, or understood.
you're not meant to be understood by everyone anyways.
but those people who love you for you, cherish them.
those people deserve to know the real you.
stop being so scared of speaking up.
just as mlk jr. said: "our lives behind to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
so speak up about the things that matter.
use your voice for good.

written on feb. 17, 2018.

Feb 2018 · 225

He calls me beloved

Irene Feb 2018

He calls me beloved

The Creator of E minor, oceans, mountains, glaciers, galaxies, stars, the universe
thought of me before the world
ever came into existence.
He knows the number of hairs on my head.
He understands me more than any human being who's spent a lifetime with me.
He formed me and knit me in my mother's womb.
He counts the stars and knows them by their name,
and yet He thought of me.
He loved me so much that He sent His one and only Son to die for me on that cross.
Bearing all my guilt, pride, and shame.
And to think that I am always on His mind.
He is speaking and calling out to me in nature, creation, and still
He calls me beloved.

A poem inspired by Francis Chan, Valentine's Day & God's love.
Written on Feb. 14, 2018.

Feb 2018 · 129

power of words

Irene Feb 2018

power of words

quality time is my top love language.
words of affirmation is my second.
i value the time i spend with people, because time is something you can't get back.
i think people don't realize the power of words.
they have the power to inflict pain or uplift others.
i suppose that is why i'm slow to speak and think so much before i say something. maybe too often. overthinking everything.
but it is important to think before speaking.
even though people may not remember what you say, some people remember what you say for a long time. it might be engrained in their minds because of something you said that hurt them.
choose your words wisely, and carefully.

Feb 2018 · 145

marathon

Irene Feb 2018

marathon

life is not a race.
you’re not in competition with anybody.
not even yourself.
it’s a marathon.
your goal in life is to become more like Christ daily.

Feb 2018 · 86

24

Irene Feb 2018

24

tell me about the things
you've been proud of
or wished you've could have done

Feb 2018 · 120

authentic

Irene Feb 2018

authentic

there is liberation in showing your authentic self.
no more hiding, no more trying too hard, feeling ashamed, feeling embarrassed.
there's no need to feel that way.
be authentic.

02.11.18

Jan 2018 · 194

worthy

Irene Jan 2018

worthy

you are worthy.
you are worthy.
you are worthy.
say it out loud.
believe it with all your being.
because you are worth it.

#so #worth #loving

Jan 2018 · 128

feel alive

Irene Jan 2018

feel alive

I wanna go on late night drives with the windows down,
blasting loud good music into the wind, to feel alive.
I wanna go to more art museums, to feel inspired by what people can make with their mind and hands.
I wanna laugh until my belly hurts, the good kinda hurt, to remember that it's good to have some humor in life.
After a hard day, laughing it off helps.
I wanna go on more road trips with friends to the beach and to the mountains, to feel small.
That all my worries compared to everything else are just so little.
I just wanna live my life to the fullest, because it's worth it.

01.09.18 written while listening to novo amor - "carry you"

Nov 2017 · 160

hidden

Irene Nov 2017

hidden

i've realized i have never or rarely shown my real self with anyone
but my family

and this upsets me
because it means
i am never comfortable enough
to reveal my innermost thoughts, emotions & fears
because i am scared i'll be
rejected, judged, and looked down upon

this is why i keep my true self
hidden

11.24.17

Sep 2017 · 106

drowning

Irene Sep 2017

drowning

these days, i feel like i'm drowning.
stressed.
tired to even do anything...
feeling out of control.
like nothing ever goes right.
feeling distant from God, from everyone, actually...

i know i can come to God as i am,
but i feel too messed to approach Him or pray.
i'll be honest, i haven't genuinely prayed in a long time.
i've been setting my mind on earthly things, rather than of God.
i know no matter how messed up i am, God embraces me.
i need His embrace.
i need His peace.
i need His comfort.
God, i need You, more than ever.
i'm tired, desperate, lonely, afraid, anxious, worried...
give me more of You.
You're all that i need.

9/9/17

Jul 2017 · 241

make it count

Irene Jul 2017

make it count

we all have 24 hours in a day
the thing is
how you're gonna spend those 24 hours

make it count

july 25, 2017

Jul 2017 · 87

untitled

Irene Jul 2017

untitled

You tell me that You love me
that You just want me just as i am
that i can take off the mask
i wear so often in front of others
just to make it seem like i'm doing "good"
when really i am hurting
broken
weary
yet You still love me
even when i fail
mess up
every day
sometimes i feel like i don't deserve Your love
and i still question if i even deserve it
but You sacrificed everything for me
so i pray that i would be able to truly
love You in return
fully

july 22, 2017
sometimes i question whether God truly loves me. yet despite my brokenness, He still wants me.

Jul 2017 · 295

seize the day

Irene Jul 2017

seize the day

sometimes i get scared if tomorrow is my last day on earth
so i reflect to myself
all those times i felt like i wasted my time
scrolling through my phone
doing nothing
when i could have used my time more wisely

like calling my grandma
who i haven't talked to in several months
telling her that i love her and i miss her

leaving a message to an old friend
picking up a new hobby
learning a new language
reading that book i still haven't finished but could have finished a while ago

i guess i could do all these things
but what matters ultimately
is living in the now
to seize the day
and make the most of it

date: july 18, 2017

Jul 2017 · 218

today

Irene Jul 2017

today

everyone has experienced today in a different way.

#thought

Jul 2017 · 210

10 word story

Irene Jul 2017

10 word story

i try to speak, but my native tongue is silence.

Jun 2017 · 289

favorite quote #04

Irene Jun 2017

favorite quote #04

"Sometimes I'm the mess.
Sometimes I'm the broom.
On the hardest days, I have to be both."
~Rudy Francisco

Jun 2017 · 90

wounds

Irene Jun 2017

wounds

there's the saying that "time heals all wounds"
but what about heart wounds
the wounds that can't be mended by time

06.28.17 written at 10:31PM

May 2017 · 273

full moon

Irene May 2017

full moon

the moon does not need
to be a full moon
to shine brightly

so do you

5/9/17

Apr 2017 · 367

impact

Irene Apr 2017

impact

we have all touched at least one other person's life
and that is alone is beautiful
we all make an impact

Nov 2016 · 454

pieces

Irene Nov 2016

pieces

why i do give pieces of myself
expecting in return to receive fullness from others
yet it always ends up in disappointment

why do i give fractions of myself to others
yet they don't even give a fraction of themselves to me
am i sounding selfish
i don't know anymore

i am tired of empty promises, fake smiles, half-hearted laughs and sleepless nights
i do not wish any longer to give pieces of myself
i will either give all of me or not at all
and this sounds harsh i know
but i have always been an all-or-nothing type of person
i can't seem to help it
maybe it is selfish of me
perhaps i will get hurt for caring too much
but i'd rather care too much than regret not having cared at all
despite everything

written at 1:30am on 11/1/16

Nov 2016 · 329

days where i do not want to write

Irene Nov 2016

days where i do not want to write

there are days where i do not want to write
where i leave my thoughts in the cupboards of my mind
where i lay in bed drowning in a sea of overthinking

there are days where i do not want to write
afraid that someone will find the notebook held with secrets meant only to be seen for my own eyes

there are days where i do not want to write
because i do not have the energy to pick up a pen and scribble down all the feelings and emotions from my heart
it is all too much sometimes to even think

there are days where i do not want to write
because i don't think my words will be heard, seen, or understood
so i keep silent
like i always have

there are days where i do not want to write
but i know that writing heals
so even when i'd rather do nothing and leave my thoughts in my mind
i will tell myself gently to write
to spill out the water that's been holding inside these ribcages for so long
in order for myself to heal

written on 11/2/16

Oct 2016 · 532

storms

Irene Oct 2016

storms

Out of the longest rain showers breaks the brightest sunshine.
Believe that out of hurt and pain, beauty and light will come out of it...

Written on 10/31/16

Oct 2016 · 265

pain

Irene Oct 2016

pain

It's funny, isn't it? How beauty and art can come out of pain...

Written on 10/31/16

Oct 2016 · 250

sadness

Irene Oct 2016

sadness

The worst type of sadness is when you want to cry, but no tears come out...

Written on 10/31/16

Oct 2016 · 298

healing

Irene Oct 2016

healing

she began to love parts of herself she didn't know she could.

written on 10/11/16

Oct 2016 · 326

broken

Irene Oct 2016

broken

she saw beauty in everything but herself.

written on 10/11/16

#7wordstory

Sep 2016 · 192

20's

Irene Sep 2016

20's

i'm 23, and i've come to realize what people mean when they say that your 20's is the hardest decade, because i feel it. i feel it hard.
sometimes i question why life must be so hard, but i know that suffering produces endurance, endurance; character, and character; hope, and hope does not put us to shame in Christ Jesus.
each day feels like a routine and sometimes it's hard to get out of bed, but i will thank God for the breath He's given me, and although i may not know what lies ahead, i know that He will guide me. but i have to make the step.

4/25/2016

#life #thoughts

Sep 2016 · 1.9k

Letter to God | Doubt

Irene Sep 2016

Letter to God | Doubt

God, are you listening? Because lately, I've been feeling distant from You. I feel like Peter when You called him to walk out on the water, yet he sank. But I feel like I'm drowning in this sea of doubt. A knotted ball of string I cannot seem to unravel. Slowly creeping deeper and deeper into this battlefield of questions in my mind. When You said "O you of little faith, why do you doubt?" I could not give You an answer. I do not know if I am turning into a skeptic or a cynic. Faith has doubts, but I feel as though I am longing for epiphanies to spark in response to my questions. Lord, are you there? Because I can't seem to listen to my own voice. Wanting to be heard, but feeling ignored. Waiting for answers, but left in silence. But I hear You even in the silence. Soft whispers echoing symphonies of love songs and truths. Thank You for loving me even when I have doubts. When I feel like I no longer have the strength to carry on, You are there. Always. Lord, take my hand, and don't leave me. Don't let go, for these hands are too weak to hold my own heart. Hold me, when I am falling. Despite my doubt, remind me of Your love for me that surpasses beyond all else. When I say amen, help me to believe it. Let my faith be louder than my questions.

#doubt #faith #questions

Sep 2016 · 274

4.24.16

Irene Sep 2016

4.24.16

her soul aches
she has never felt this empty before
inside she carries a hurt so deep
yet she puts on a mask
pretending to be happy
when she is not
at all

she feels lost
lost for words
she does not know where to go
but she continues to walk
with the little strength she has inside her
to keep going on

she fights inside herself
why must i feel so gray like this she asks herself
but life is not always sunshine and rainbows
through the hurt
through the trials
through the suffering
we build endurance
and endurance builds character

Sep 2016 · 312

door holder

Irene Sep 2016

door holder

she told herself to extend kindness to others
even when she could not do the same to herself

be kind
for everyone you meet
is fighting a hard battle

#life #kindness #struggle

Sep 2016 · 162

questions

Irene Sep 2016

questions

in wrestling with questions, faith, purpose, meaning, life, and love, may i look to Him for He is the answer to everything.
to run to Him and not away from Him.
may these years and days of pulling at my hair and feeling frustrated of not knowing the reasons behind my questions, that there is a reason for everything.
i don't have the answers to everything in life, and the amazing thing about God is that He is all knowing.

#doubt #life #god #faith #questions #struggle

Sep 2016 · 174

expiration date

Irene Sep 2016

expiration date

I wanted to live until I was one hundred years old when I was a child
Now I want to live a fully lived life
Everything in this world has an expiration date
We will all pass away and become dust
But how do I want my time on this earth to be spent?
Spent worrying about the things happened in the past
Time wasted with people who do not see my self worth or value
or don't even acknowledge my presence
The words I held back because I was too afraid to say them
for fear of judgment
The words I wanted to say to the people I cherish the most in my life
but didn't say them because I was too embarrassed or hesitant

This life is but a vapor
And I want to live each and every second of it
thankful for each breath God has so graciously gifted me with
I don't know if I'll die tomorrow
Tomorrow is not guaranteed

life is but a vapor

Sep 2016 · 145

Untitled

Irene Sep 2016

Untitled

She couldn't even look at herself in the mirror straight,
Yet he looked at her like he had the whole world.

#love #reflection #mirror

Sep 2016 · 299

honesty

Irene Sep 2016

honesty

Whether it's something heavy or light, people can feel honesty.

said by ian eastwood (dancer, choreographer, director).

#truth #honesty

Sep 2016 · 233

in the waiting...

Irene Sep 2016

in the waiting...

i have waited
sitting at the bus stop waiting for the bus to arrive
checking my mailbox for a letter from a dear friend
crossing off the days on my calendar till a birthday or holiday
counting down the minutes until class gets out

i'd like to think i've always been a patient person
but sometimes, waiting makes me impatient
sometimes i ask myself
what am i waiting for
why am i wanting to go faster
when i should learn how to slow down
embracing the moments of waiting
teaching me that there is beauty in waiting

waiting for that moment to say something on my mind
when i have thought about it for so long
waiting for that moment to say hello
and perhaps in the goodbyes

waiting
teaching us patience
that in the things we let go of yesterday
will soon come to us
if we wait
patiently

#waiting

Sep 2016 · 175

when no words come out

Irene Sep 2016

when no words come out

how can she express what she's feeling
if her mind is like a warzone
unable to pick out the verses
her heart tunes to

there she waits
frustrated by her own inability
to say what she's thinking

so she writes
ink flown on the pages

Sep 2016 · 154

misunderstood

Irene Sep 2016

misunderstood

sometimes she hates not being able to express what she is feeling or thinking inside.
she is able to soar across universes in her mind, yet when she opens her mouth, she feels as though everything collapses.
she gets frustrated because of this, and so she keeps quiet.
perhaps she was meant to only keep those things to herself, she thought.
no one could understand her anyway. or hear her.
but the most important thing, she said to herself, is to be reminded that it's okay if someone can't understand what you're saying.
it's okay if you can't convey your thoughts and feelings coherently sometimes.
because we all struggle with speaking up. and that's perfectly fine.

#thoughts

Sep 2016 · 222

Creativity

Irene Sep 2016

Creativity

I've always thought I was never creative enough. So I never tried to make art. Make poems, make paintings, drawing on sketch pads. Staring blankingly when looking at canvases and a blank sheet of paper. Frustrated with my own uncreativity. But I've always admired the creativity of others. Yet I compared myself to them thinking I can never write, paint, make, or create this way. Lies. We each have something to contribute. We are all already creative because we ourselves are art.

#art #creativity #artist

Sep 2016 · 810

Numb

Irene Sep 2016

Numb

She feels heaviness in her heart
What once gave her happiness
leaves her feeling empty

She tries to write out her feelings
but they remain inside her
like a bird locked in a cage
wanting to go out
but not knowing how to fly

Why do I keep on feeling this way, she asked herself
Why must I feel so deeply
It hurts
It hurts
It hurts too much
This aching in my bones
longs to hear the soft whispers of love
yet I am too consumed in my own darkness
I can't see the light

#depression #darkness