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exst Aug 31
I struggle every day
living with
Three personality disorders

It's all very difficult

exst Feb 2018
A constant feeling
Of running
But with no
Start or finish
exst Sep 6
Anxious -
I ask myself
How big
God is

exst Feb 2018
Bomb of death
Removing signs
Of all mans breath
Children hurt
And splattered
The illusion of progress
In tatters
exst Sep 16
Be careful
That care

Does not
Become Control


as love
exst Oct 2018
Bodies without heads

Souls without feelings

Robots pumped full of *******

***** black holes  ( which let in the light )

Little devils shouting

***** occult prayers

Sinful tinged ways

Lustful thoughts

exst Nov 2018
Man just go like a rocket
******* on her ***** like a socket
Swear I had some more words but forgot it
Picking up the mike now so yeah drop it

Swallowing as many drugs as I can
A ****** up existential man plan
Stealing bare money off his nan
Really can't kick the can
Hope you can help me understand
Why the UK is a ****** up land
Tories got no real plans
Brexit a messed up ham
**** that gammon man


A grand in a week up his nose
Flexing a dependence pose
Makes for a weird flow
Turned up late for the show
Needed Half gram lines of blow
exst Feb 2018
Cut Me A Poet
Out Of The Pain
Show Me The Words
That Brought About Change
A Verse In A Book Will Do
Help Me To Change My
Point Of View
exst Feb 2018
dance ...

let me dance with you
let me move with you
groove with you
choose you -
fuse my love with you

let me sink into you
as you sink into me


i hear all of eternity
is propping up

gods and poets
exst Feb 2018
You transformed my darkness
Into light

You taught me
The meaning of life

You accepted me
When I could not

You listened
When I forgot
exst Nov 2018
Sneaky devil's
Christ is
the true Rebel
He cranks up the treble
and pumps up the bass ,
He is the personification of grace
He's sits in a heavenly place
He loves the human race
He's here in this place ( my home )
He always wins the race
While pushing your face
  back Down into the dirt .
Christ has got my back
He protects against your attacks
He's better than crack
He wears a rain Mack
Which shine's like
a thousand stars

Because ....
God is love for sure
He's stood at the door
Waiting for us all
to come in

And  join   the   party
exst Sep 4
All wear
Different faces
A persona
Which sometimes
And other times

exst Feb 2018
I sketched
My heart in pencil
But wait for you
To fill it in
With colour
exst Sep 5
My dad always taught me
If you don't know what to say

Be honest

#haiku #honesty #betruetoyourself
exst Sep 3
Let there be
Let there be
Let there be
To fly
Our kites
exst Feb 2018
The word ( logos )
Order to chaos
When the poet meets
In their own muck
Warts and all
Confronts the monster
Head on
A meaning is found
A truth emerges

A poem is written
exst Sep 17
I love the silence of the night
When there is no one about
Just me and the sounds of my soul stirring ....

I love the silence when it takes me over  Completely
It grips me and all I can hear
Is the whirling in my ears ( are these the whispers of angels ? )

Apart from the love of our fellow person
God is best found in the silence
For He is perfect silence and fullness ( the pleroma )
the first sound
  before sounds ( om )

The mind loves to create internal and external images of God ( and then play with these )
But god is beyond image and comprehension ( though we are created in his image )
And though God is far away he is yet always close  ( his absence marks his presence )

  Therefore Our job is to  let all pictures of God evaporate  and instead let the silence of the heart produce an image we can't see.  But yet can feel    ( the mind is in the heart )  and share this with others ....

So brothers and sisters our duty is to love in the day  and be silent at night
And in this way God will build a house in our hearts  forever . Amen
exst Nov 2018
Though the pieces remain
They are now
Subject to change
Like rain
nourishing a
dry plain
The soul has much
to gain
With each new step forward
A new installment
Less weight hallment
A better callment
To my brothers and sisters
In arms

exst Feb 2018
Such a holy
Funny little

This soul
Of mine

Walking in
The rain

Flowers of the sun
I pick
For her
exst Feb 2018
Looking up i see the stars
I see a perpetually still ocean
I see a deep chasm filled with love

I see my father my mother
a beginning & an end -

& though we are apart
something out there
binds us


the body is taken
the mind is free

A person touches me
Then I feel free
exst Feb 2018
The broken
The disposed
The fractured
The hurt

Become a healer
A soul revealer

Will move
exst Nov 2018
Be kind
Always consider
Other peoples feelings
We never know
What demons
They might be fighting
exst Aug 23
a thousand black soldiers
smash through
   smash through
Smash    through
  the ******* roof
     when i think  about u

Porrhothele antipodiana
spinning in
  th burrows
      of my mind

black coffin spider
  spreading over   th contours   of  my   body

adding zeros 2naught
exst Aug 23
******* Aleister Crowley
Get out of my head
And take your monsters with you
From below my bed
Your occult ways make me sick
I'm no longer ******* your disgusting ****
I'm sure you are now down in hell
For your wicked ways and evil spells
exst Aug 24
Alone at night
That's when I miss you
The most
A moth plays
On the light
Our time here
So fleeting

exst Aug 29
A constant feeling
Of running
But with no
Start or finish
exst Aug 22
Back in bed
I give sleep
Another shot

exst Aug 21
Bpd is bouts of extreme
Impulsivity and hypersexuality
Saying and doing
The most inappropriate things

exst Aug 21
Branching out
The leaves acquire
New friends

exst Aug 23
Deep , Deep

Under the ground
A Crown

Will you take
The time
To dig


exst Aug 19
I don't wanna be famous
Because famous is a trap
Once you're deep within
There's so coming back
I don't wanna smoke crack
Because it rots the brain
Running around for rocks
That ***** insane .
Instead I wanna be happy
And write my poetry here
Open up my soul
And cry many tears
exst Aug 29
Face up to your fears
Embracing every tear
Your souls wants to hear
What your mind
Shut away

exst Aug 23
i ache
   for heaven

to see
my brother again

to walk with him
 in the garden
smile & hug him
  listen to him play guitar
while i dip my feet in the stream

for it says
in the book of revelation
god will  wipe  away
all our tears


I don't believe in this god

I know this god
exst Aug 19
Unable to sleep
Things keep playing
Across my mind

exst Aug 25
Alone at night
A single moth
Plays on the light

exst Aug 25
Don't generalise
Because in the general exists
Many lies
exst Aug 25
People power
Yes , it can and will change the world
Becomes a lover
A fool
A sage
For we are all players
On the world
exst Aug 23
Talk to me in tongues
Of wild things

Of eternity

And the final
Resting place

Of all humanity

exst Aug 21
Sometimes those most drawn to the light

Are the one's who find
The darkness

Most alluring

exst Aug 23
The heart
Like a bird
But it's the mind
That must

exst Aug 27
The voices
Of the many
Are required
To protect
The rights
Of the few
exst Oct 2018
Among the flowers
I call out
Your name

exst Aug 29
Finding it hard
To do things

exst Sep 18
I have a severe mental illness
But thankfully I'm in recovery now
Still it's one day at a time ( until I get better )

exst Feb 2018

Use me
Abuse me
Fuse me
With your sin

Grab me
**** me
Show me
What you can do

Eat me
Complete me
Take outside

And cast me into stone


I can
I won't
I'll cherish your flesh
as if it was a promise land
you are the sea


I wish I was a boat , on the ocean , perceptually moving ,
never losing motion , but instead I'm stuck on land ,
maybe my love , you can give us a hand


I'll give You love wings
to fly away
from all you can't bare
Set You free
be the sky
& I'll meet You there
******* bless
Do You dare ?


I dare , to share , it all with you , there is nothing else ,
I'd rather do , my wings are clipped . but I can fly , I have no fear .
and never die


When we meet
there will be fire
Enough to burn
the whole world down
Liquid flames
all around us
& we'll be
more than alive

exst Aug 29
Finding it hard
To do things right now

exst Aug 29
Laying on my bed
Thinks it's time now
I can reply to that text

#haiku #mentalillness #bpd #personalitydisorders
exst Aug 19
The horrors of substance addiction and mental illness
exst Sep 2
Laying on my bed
Listening to Shannon lay
I let myself unwind

exst Aug 29
I live everyday with borderline personality disorder

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