Thoughts deceiving us in every way
Clouding true meanings of everything
Everything seems like a fairytale or a dream come true.
Sad
Reality hits hard when you wake up from a nightmare that fell into the day
You catch yourself day dreaming of things that can't come into existence
Snap out of it
You running out of time

Careful! Careful!
That's dangerous!
Do you know how it works?
BOOM!
It exploded,
right in my face!
They said it's beautiful
That's half truth
They forgot to mention, it's also destructive

I had a manual
But it was general
Because I built accordingly,
I swear
I followed every step correctly
I read it couple of times,
but missing a POINT.
A point saying, it goes both ways
It either bloom or explode
Love...

We said we gonna take it slow...
Until our first date,
We realized that we were driving at 180km/h,
Imitating Micheal Schumacher.
Forgetting at the end of the road there's a sharp turn
We crashed.

I know love kills, but a slow death
So, I thought...I'd find cure for this love
Not realizing, this love is not poisonous but corrosive
It is very toxic as a Sulfuric acid
Once it gets hold of you
It shreds you into nothing
Same time we forget about your existence
That's what this love does

It was a mystery
It was a never ending adventure
Yet many discovered their treasures
Little did they know
Nothing was precious about their treasures
because year 2022...

It was an overwrite of an unsaved history
A replay of events
Families getting along once again
Love and peace being the drive
Every being feeling like everything is a fresh start,
the beginning of something great
Sadly they were all living in the past for better presents because they didn't foresee the future

A real big time challenge
A solution that many seek for,
A solution with so many procedures,
not generals ones...
A new one every time action needs to be taken .

They make it sound easy
They say time heals
I wanna believe that but...
it's all a lie.

They again said peace will set you free, but it has zero effect
so many times told to accept and forgive
for peace sake
for what sake again ?!

Every time I do that
it feels like a setback
because everything come back my direction driven by pain
and pain doesn't have brakes
so he ends up crashing me
Leaving me broken once again
All feels like building a tower without a foundation
Everything collapses when you about to reach the top

It is a heavy word
Especially when my lungs cough it out
or my ears collect its waves

A goodbye doesn't guarantee us that we will meet again
It guarantees us that it will bring a new hello and that's not what I want
A new hello won't be the same as yours

I'd rather say
Until I see you again

Pain said I will find strength in him.
It was a lie!
I searched...
             and SEARCHED...
                          AND SEARCHED.
All I found was tears
I thought they were of joy
but NAH...
They were of pain himself,
together with heartbreak

He made me go through the worst,
and he then said again, I don't have to search for strength but I have to earn it.
That's when I became strong and decided to face him

I was caged with darkness
Anger was my only friend
My enemies were the ones who couldn't tolerate my friend

There was no good me
There was only the impatient, aggressive and troubled me.
I hated many with passion
and expected good things to come my way

I was lost

Heart destroying me
Trying to please everyone
Mind looking out for me
But it's overworking itself
Wanting to fill all the holes the heart leaves behind
Now am overthinking everything
coz my mind is all over

The one month filled with joy
Everyone is positive
Minds thinking of building not breaking
Hearts pumping love not hate
because we made peace in Dec
Wanting only greatness to come our way this year

I thought of it as a place of books and pens only
A place of learning and teaching
But it was something else

It was a place of creating memories
Capturing moments
Making a movie out of it
With all the teenage drama and fantasy

It was a camp site for some
Always ready to go on an adventure
It was a place of retreat for others
Because it had a feeling of home

It is a place to forever be remembered

It is a difficult action to take
Yet a betrayal to peace
Without it
Nothing is ever the same

Broken or not
It can be in the war zone or in paradise
The “moment”
I mean the tears and the laughter we share
when we remember the good and bad times
It revives the feeling of home

My family have a strong bond
No energy breaks it
cos it’s not up to us in the end
Our bloodline have decided that we gonna be a fam
No matter what

He was a stranger
And yet everything felt strange around him
It felt like I’ve known him for years
His energy was familiar
The character he portrayed
made everyone feel like he have always been around

A strange word
which bring people together or apart
A feeling which holds a room for other emotions
It goes a long way with everything

You gave me a nasty word
You gave me "hate",
the word I never had

You brought nothing but pain
You brought separation
You brought tears as you take our belovedz

What kind of a foreigner are you?
You don't belong in our world
We welcome foreigners who bring good not bad

Can you please go into exile?
Maybe you might enjoy it there 'cause here you made our world so small.

L
I
_
E

I read between the lines
Trying to discover the pattern
Then I realised F was inversible

I was living a lie all along

Time knew you were mine
so you travelled miles
to find me

our story was supposed to continue
but he didn't want that
so he put an "end" instead of  "and"
and that was the last of "us"

Pain became the silencer
those who understood my silence
knew words that spoke volume were said in silent

A weapon used to destroy many
I saw it as a tool to build me

It fortified me and I was able to fight the battle called "Life"

It became a close friend

My morning was a sunshine with a beautiful start.
That morning,
I remember...
My heart was at peace
My home screamed love and joy
I didn't understand the excitement

Well we said goodbyes to each other
and went our separate ways
Heck! that was my last goodbye
I got hit by a car and died on the spot

The morning ended in tears
then there was a new hello from grief and trauma
introducing themselves to my parents

A father of our nation
A father of determination
A light to the children that brighten the dark days
A man who destined freedom
through strive and struggle

A man of courage
who spoke words that lift the spirits of:
mothers who give births in squatter camps,
the homeless and parentless children,
and life prisoners

He is Rolihlahla which meant troublesome
but he was a peace maker
He fought to make a difference
Whenever life put him to the ground
He stood up every time and ran to his people

Utata Nelson Mandela

Then:
           It spoke
           through colours it came with
           But we...
           We became deaf
           Unfortunately not blind

           We saw the blue,
                                   the green,
                                             the brown
           and then there was the rainbow
           Still, none understood

           Blue resembles the water
           Where life began
           Green resembles plants
           Where the processing of life
           takes place
           Brown resembles the soil
           Where our gifts are rooted

                                                         ­    Now:
We realise that the environment
gave us everything
because it came with nature in
hand
and the rainbow resembles us as
a diverse nation

mine hurt
coz they come with expectations

and nothing has ever happened the way I've expected it

I thought I lost the art
When I lost the paints
and my paint brushes
but I realised art was not only the paintings
Everything was art

I had a pen and a pencil
Which had words
They wanted to use to create a masterpiece

My pencil very sharp
Sharp to sharpen my life
And the ink of my pen marked the beauty my life resembles

A profound art was then found.

Winter melody
The melody that fuel me with energy
The energy that fills empty holes within

It is the melody composed by nature

The Melody of the whistling wind
Making trees to shake off their butts
moving left and right
following the rhythm
Leaves whipping as they hit the ground
Birds chirping
rejoicing for a beautiful day

It is an enchanting melody composed by nature

An event that breaks the "unbreakable"
It build hate,
Promotes mistrust
And result to separation

nothing feels right
I cried
I believe crying is one of the  ingredient of a remedy that cure pain

Everything just became real
It's me against the world
Many preparing for my downfall

There will be no falls
While I [THE LORD] being besides you and you holding onto me

In the world where everyone is a prisoner
yet they claim to have freedom.
None of them understand "Freedom"

Which freedom are you talking about?

when money determines what you can/can not be

when anger punishes you for someone's mistakes

when fear wraps around you when it becomes dark

when you're jailed with depression and anxiety after  failing yourself

Is that freedom?

There's no such thing as freedom
It's a word used to manipulate you psychologically, emotionally and spiritually.

So do you still believe there's freedom in this world?

they were my building blocks
before they made me turn the world into chaos
they broke me

The "People" say I misused them
they no longer heal
they hurt

I've shut doors
and darken the paths of many
with just words.

Alone in a room
No sort of distraction
I can feel my emotions vigorously fighting each other
I can't stand the fight
My mind, BLANK

I feel some peace
No longer in this world
In the que to enter the heaven's gate
Don't know how my welcome is gonna be.

The que seem not to be moving anymore
They say it's not yet my time
And I am not willing to go back
Been waiting so long for this

The department seem too slow
Trying to help
I consumed poison
My heart fueled with love and joy
My mind at rest
My soul at peace
The pain was no more
Feeling unconscious

After a while
I woke
And I was sent back to hell (to the world)

Evil of all roots

Are feelings that come with it part of the roots?

I mean the pain it brings when is no where to be found.

I mean the joy it brings when is around.

It came between me and her
It brought conflict
One felt superior and de other felt inferior.

It left hate

Is there love in it?

She said,"I find it in them"
and  I said I find it in me

Two people who viewed the world differently

Flowing on my cheeks
Converging on my chin
They came with pain
Instaed of joy
Their plans were to sink me in them

I rose and flew before I drown
I knew if I drowned
I would sink in them and
that will be my last seen.

He left
After he said
He will always be here
He crushed me
I don't know if it was his intentions or a mission to hurt me
If it was a mission
I say "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED"

He left my heart broken
He left my soul restless
He left my mind at war
He left me lost

He did everything so not to be forgotten

He took everything but left the memory of us behind

He left an image of himself all over my body
He left scars

The hurt he caused was on repeat and that  kept him in my story
He never really left
He was always here as he said he will.

Failed time management
Stack of work piled up
Taller than my height
Ready to collapse on me

It was a heavy load

Was it that heavy?

No,I made it to be so
Responsibility and accountability for my work was hard labour

I made it a heavy load

i said it's fine
with eyes pouring out tears
and a heart full of pain
they saw everything was not okay but still i said everything it's fine

they didn't understand why i lied
i did not lie
i said what i had to say
no words were better explanation than "it's fine"

coz it was all written her

I talked
and told them about what bothered me
They did not listen

I shouted
to let the anger out
because I was angry that
They did not listen

I cried
to show them the hurt
They did not care
None of them understood my language because
They never listened

I realised that they never listen
I decided to be silent
My silence bothers them
so now they want to listen
and now ain't the right time to talk

I no longer need them

Yesterday she said
Tomorrow I'm gonna be a better someone.

So now, tomorrow is here
but today time is not on her side

She is gone

Written  hate in her eyes
but has a loving heart

I lose and find myself  in my mind

they thought i needed fixing
only to discover i am not broken
but i am tired
and i need a lifetime rest

they felt helpless
coz it was not in their power to help

Love.
It introduced itself
Its personality was charming
Its character was fun and great
Overall it was sweet

They fell for it

It was fake
It was an imposter
The real one went everywhere with
its brother Commitment
and its sister Loyalty

In the end
They fell with it
It only needed a partner in crime

It treated me with extreme cruelty
I tried to run away from it
but I kept coming back for it
because Death wasn't ready to welcome me

I was not supposed to die like that...
It was all the failed suicide attempts

That's why I'm still here...

I'm tired of everything
mostly of sleepless nights
and distressful days

Can I go somewhere quiet?
"My mind."I thought

I thought it was a quiet place
coz I stopped thinking of pain and sorrow
The pain and sorrow I thought I conquered,
I did not

There were still lot of hurting questions unanswered
which became molecules colliding in my mind.
There was no quietness there.

Where can I go?
"No where."I remembered

My mind was destroyed
by a broken heart
and a troubled soul
so there was no place at peace that I could go to.

I can not do this anymore

Can I just die?

i said i am okay
but my heart was crying river of tears

i lied
and forgot my eyes already told the truth

A meaningless term
It is misinterpreted to be a building
It is a feeling

I would wonder why I seeked for it for so long and yet haven't found it

It is a feeling of belonging.
The love that raise one
The care that allow one to grow
The support that keep one in hope

It is home

Never thought of him being found
He escaped into his world
Where purification ruled,
Everything was free-spirited,
Perfection reigned

Pain and stress didn't existed,
'WANTED!' silent killers
Joygiver  venoms -
***, drugs and alcohol were the past
Flashed down the drains

Without all toxic
Everything was purified
No more ***** minds
No more pained hearts
No more stroke bringers

He felt pure but incomplete
His heart and joy left
They did not belong in his world
Life was no more
He came to my world
and he was found after a long search by she he loved
She had his heart and joy
He felt forever complete once more