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38m · 9
Colors burn
So many colors
The sweet taste of lovers
I remember all those warm summers
Chasing boys, boys chasing me
Tones of oranges, reds, and yellows
Cold then came riding on the wind
Soon came the glare on snow
The sun could make me go blind
I fell in love with that slow flow
Too soon though a boy burned my colors away
1d · 26
Stakes
"Come in, come in"
Innocent eyes
Deceiving ones
You just invited me inside
You invited a monster in
"Thank you, Thank you"

You let a monster hide
You let a monster divide

You feel for it
The crimes you will commit
I think we will start with a ******
Come on, come on
Slaughter yourself
Darkness, you fall
It overtakes
The old you is dead and gone
You have buried the body
So sad you didn't know the stakes
1d · 32
Tod
Tod
It began with sunshine pouring down
and wind blowing through the wheat
My fingers grazing the tall grass as I passed
I smiled, searching all around me
Oh, where did the fox go?
His red coat shined in the hot sun
His beauty like no other
A quick flicker in the corner of my eye
Turing quick I saw his tail twitch
His body hunched down before springing up
and pouncing down upon a helpless field mouse
I then turned back and ran to my mother at my house
1d · 25
Black feather
slowly, ever so slowly
fallen up from hell
been so long since I've fell
Brought up from nothing
Please just give me something
something to hang on to
something to believe in

My wings once pure
then I was sure
I could fly
just a moment ago

elegant
soft
gone
nothing
but a single black feather
once odette
now odeile
please just give me something
for a little while

I just--
how long can I keep flying
with this single black feather
I need you
just you more than ever

My innocence stripped away
my wings once pure
now there is only this black feather
from when I was sure
I could fly
- all credit goes to a friend of mine, she does not want her name disclosed. She will sometimes write on here because she wants too. I can't stop her if I tried.
2d · 34
Take me softly
It was stormy that night
Rain pouring down
Soaking my once dry, warm dress

I was running
He was cunning

I was a known fighter, yet I didn't fight
He came around
Gently taking me in his arms, a mess

He told me he was a king
he could turn my mess into a queen

I wanted my future to be bright
So I asked to leave this town
It was a yes as long as I confessed

So I did
I'm a runner because I have no home
All I've ever known is how to be alone
I wish to leave and roam
I'm an orphan I have no-one
So king of death
please take me soon
2d · 17
Untitled
Anxiety wrapped around me
My throat closed as air stopped
The strings of life around my body
Squeezing so tightly
"Help me" I ask politely
But I said it too lightly
I'm suffocating nightly
I'm sorry I'm not more lively
Trying not to disappoint everybody
Is so tiring on my body
I wish to embody
Happiness
3d · 39
1-23-2020
A new year
A new decade
The start of a new century
All I seem to have is fear
I fear the future, the unknown
Everyone has been afraid
5d · 27
Untitled
I lost myself the night I was paralyzed
Fear controlling my body, keeping it still
Fight or flight, you never know until you are forced to
I'm paralyzed, I'm lost and it kills me
Can you just hold me for a moment?
I held my hand out
Grab it please
I'm sinking
I'm drowning
I feel my heart pounding

I held you so proudly
Traumas
They are surrounding me

Why can't you love me back?
You give me peace
then you take it
I asked for help
You said, "weakness"

I held you so tightly
Traumas
They are surrounding me
5d · 19
Rumors
Whispers floating around
Talking behind my back in the halls
Welcome to a small town
Everyone knows everyone
Mothers call their children
Keeping them far away from me
Apparently I'm dangerous
They knew me, now I'm so strangerous
I never committed a crime
I'm pleading innocent to the society
They have no mercy
It's either black or white
I've never been one or the other
I have only been me
Me isn't good enough
Im left out in the cold as an outcast
5d · 20
Hate myself
I wish I could help
but its hard when I hate myself
I can't understand
How do I love so intensely
And hate myself so passionately

You look so misunderstood
I don't see you like I should
I don't wanna die
I just want some relief
I can't escape
I feel helpless

I wish I could help
Its hard when I hate myself
Please help yourself
It's kinda hard when you have self-hate
Leave the illnesses to rot in their place
To my boyfriend.
I've got your hoodie on
Laying down in my bed
Yet, sleep doesn't come
My face is wet
What he doesn't know
Is I cry to sleep
Is that at night my happiness hides
Tears my melatonin
What he doesn't know
Is that he is my comfort
He helps me without even trying
Without even knowing
What he doesn't know
Can't hurt him
6d · 135
Down to Earth
Earthquakes
The earth shakes and breaks
My reality now shattering
Falling down into great lakes
A new earth
No more stressful headaches
So happy to escape
Why face what's real
When I have something better
Fantasy
Jan 16 · 150
Crazy
I'm infected
I'm trying to deal with the pressure
I'm trying to deal with deppression
Listen to my confession
All I have is this aggression
Perfection is my obsession
Art is my only self-expression
Do not question
my senses of direction
I know I must make progression
oh look at the the time
I have to go in for my teary session
Jan 16 · 51
Princess Test
The test of a princess
Is piled high
Like her ego
Mattresses stacked one after another
But the height isn't a bother
She'll demand to step on others
Using them to get to the top
Stomping her foot on their head

The test of a princess
Is sensitive
As she laid down
Pulling covers up to her chin
She is uncomfortable
The unknown pea
Able to bruise porcelain skin
Her sleep now departed

Im not participating
No petty fights
I have debates
No people used as stepping stones
I build by own stairs with hard work
My ego does not make me better
I humble myself and always search
I search for new ways to grow
For I am confident and I know

My skin is also sensitive
Sensitive to others in need
Sensitive to the ones trying and fighting
Not the ones calling for attention
Or whining of a perfect princess
A tiny pea does not bruise me
Words spoken in hateful spiteful rage
They may pass right through me
For I shall not be phased

I'm not participating in this contest
I do not wish to be a princess
The truth is a am no princess
If that makes me any less
I honestly don't care one bit
I don't get knocked down
Without getting back up
I strive to be me
For I am confident and I know
I am no princess
Dec 2019 · 42
Snow
The little kids prepared
Little sticky hands
Crushed candy canes
Stomach pains
But no regret for stuffing faces

This Christmas
Doesn't need snow
We talk over hot chocolate
As the lights glow
Gifts wrapped under the tree
All eyes watching to see
Gifts become unwrapped
Hearts filling with joy
Hugs shared
The warm fire crackling

There might not be snow
There's us
And us know
We don't need snow
Dec 2019 · 53
Bliss
Ignorance is bliss
What about innocence?
We all try to protect it
A child's innocence
Something so precious
It's like the brightest light in thier eye
The brightest light
Like moths we fly to that light
Innocence doesn't last forever
You have to get clever
No more trust without price
Innocence can be dangerous
Knowledge to know when to roll the dice
So I ask
Is innocence bliss?
Dec 2019 · 36
Empty bed
I can still feel you
I thought I heard your voice
But it was all in my head
Your only in my head
Why the hell did you make that choice?
Why didn't I make the right choice?
A fleeting rejoice
I didn't hear your voice

An empty bed
The covers untouched
Your room is now bare
The paintings unhug

Your in my head
I cant rid myself of this dread
My monsters now fed
An empty bed
Your loss now spread
Numbness consumes as feelings fled
I'm sorry that I feel dead
But your the one truly gone

Loss such a hard punch
Guess I expected you to still be here
I thought you'd have many years to grow
I didn't know
So unexpected that you left
Now I'm left all alone
Without you my heart is blown
Shattered into a million peices

An empty bed
The covers untouched
Your room now bare
The paintings unhung

You're stuck inside hurting my head
I can't rid myself of this **** dread
My monsters now fed
That empty bed
Can you see that your loss has now spread
I don't know if my feelings have fled
I can't be sorry for feeling dead
Your the one truly gone

A poor empty bed
Covers untouched
Hurting so much
Monsters have been fed
Paintings unhung
This pistol has now sung
No more hurting in my head

My monsters now fed
Another empty bed
So I honestly have no idea where this came from. I just started writing and this came from it. I think grief is one of the hardest things and sometimes death feels better but it's not the correct answer.
Dec 2019 · 112
Together
The snow is falling
Lights Shining
All the colors so bright
Smell of peppermint candy canes
And warm hot chocolate
But all I need is the warmth of family
Who needs the Christmas light?
Or gifts under a green tree
When we have us here
Together
Family forever
We shall remain together
Dec 2019 · 44
Hurt
Hurt-people hurt people
Dec 2019 · 114
Calling
Do you hear it?
The whispers in the wind
Do you feel it?
Nature's call
It's buzzing so loudly
Yet so silently
Dec 2019 · 39
Keeper
If you can’t handle a heart like mine
Please don’t waste your time
To keep me understand a few things
I’m brilliantly out of my mind
And that is quite fine

This is a waste of time
If you don’t take me seriously
Give me passion
Don’t make fun of my fashion
Don’t disappear mysteriously
Kiss me with that passion
Now give me more, give me more, more

If you can’t handle the choking, the biting, the loving
Then go home
If you want me to remain your one and only
Love me rough and give me space to grow
Don’t hinder my personal growth as I find myself

You can’t be scared to show me off and hold my hand
If you can’t put in work to this relationship
I don’t know what you think this is
If you cheat this love is dead
You will die
Dead to me you shall be

You’re my keeper
You have my heart
Treat it with care
If you wanna keep me
Know I’m not cheap
I require the right care
Dec 2019 · 40
Untitled
I didn’t know this world had magic
Now I know without it the world would be tragic
The world accursed
Yes, we need the magic of love
How it changes us
Helps us through
I hold onto the magic my family provides
The magic my friends provide
The magic my boyfriend provides
I can feel magic running in my veins
Even if and when they leave
These people have left a handprint on my heart
The memory remains
Of you and I
Of I and you
Dec 2019 · 48
Untitled
bippity boppity
back the fu** off me
Dec 2019 · 123
Reflection
The chains binding
Have been broken
I still have the cuffs
I may be walking free
But my hands are still weighed down
Now I’m finding
Me, myself and I

I wish to see clearer
Past imperfection
Yet, chains are heavy
Even after they have been broken

Look in the mirror
I hate my reflection
I feel infected
Self-hate as my infection
Have I lost my direction?

"No, you aren’t the definition of perfection
That doesn’t mean to hate your reflection
Maybe you have lost your direction
You see you have to be lost before you become found
Don’t forget you no longer have a need to be bound
You have been crowned
There is no one just like you
A ruler of yourself you are
When you look at the night sky
Admire the stars
You are a star"
Dec 2019 · 38
.......
When my grandparents found out that I was depressed
The first thing they said was a question asking why
“Why be so depressed when you are blessed?’
ignore the trauma, I’ve been through
ignore the fact that sometimes their isn’t a reason
But I’m still left here depressed
Dec 2019 · 47
Impossible Perfection
Perfect little ken dolls
Perfect little barbies
Front cover of my magazines
My smile falls
Just look at screens
Distract from the fact
Anxiety attacked

Click, click
Cut and paste
Thin my waist
Choose and pick

Impossible perfection
I must have it
Never fine with my looks
I’ve read a thousand books
My fashion still out of style
I still have a terrible smile

Bang!
A gun sang
Another dead
We all have it in our head
A perfect picture
Must have the right mixture
Yet, perfect is impossible
We’re all striving for impossible perfection

Click, click
Cut and paste
Thin my waist
Choose and pick

Impossible perfection
I must have it
Never fine with my looks
I’ve read a thousand books
My fashion still is out of style
I still have a terrible smile
This is my first attempt at a song actually. Thought I'd post it here.
Dec 2019 · 44
Untitled
To   D
         E
           S
             T
               R
                O
                  Y
                          Is to C
                                   R
                                   E
                                   A
                                   T
                                   E
Dec 2019 · 339
Joy
Joy
I’m dancing out of the dark
I’m jumping in the light

My joy becomes a weapon
And I begin to fight

Let this mark
A new beginning

A war against demons
Is fought with joy
Dec 2019 · 34
Coffee
Coffee
My daily bread
Dread
My day without caffeine
Mean
I am without it
Split
My head as I work
****
Myself awake
Make
Me some coffee
I need my caffeine
Not sweet toffee
Bitter black as night
Coffee
Dec 2019 · 43
Little butterfly
Wings flowing back and forth
Keeping little butterfly up
Wind challenging the little insect
Strong breezes tumbling

To the north
The little butterfly must go
The road not easy nor perfect
No time for bumbling

The bees may rumble and bumble
But not little butterfly
Little butterfly is silent and graceful
Now which of the two survives?
Sometimes I feel like a bee being loud and obnoxious. Other times I feel as if I am the butterfly keeping to myself; floating through life quietly. There is a time and place for both. If you are a bee at the wrong time you pay the consequences. If you are a butterfly at the wrong time you miss out on certain opportunities in life.
Dec 2019 · 18
Love Lust Trust
Love is to attachment
Lust is to attraction
Trust is to believe

You have to have all three
Without lust you made a friend
Without trust you are the in between
Friend with benefits
Without love you are now toxic
With all three
You made a good relationship
Dec 2019 · 48
Unreal
I am not real
Despite the feel of a meal
In my stomach
I feel disconnected
My sanity has been affected
Should I run over that hummock?
Can that make me real?
Beating in my chest
Sweat on my brow
Dig in my heel
All to feel
For I am real
Dec 2019 · 97
Dance
Grab my hand
Wont you dance with me?
Dancing in the rain
Like we don’t have a brain
Let’s dance like we are free
Because love is freeing
Oh, fears are fleeing
Dec 2019 · 36
Want
I want it all
I want you
Even when I feel small
I want all of you
If your shattered
If your scattered
If your battered from the world
I’ll still want you
Dec 2019 · 71
Fool
I’m a fool
My craziness is spilling
A page catching the words
Forever falling
Out of my head
Overjoy or overreact
Lean because I lack
Dec 2019 · 33
Untitled
Shattered vison
Clearer mirror
Scattered and tattered
Death crawls nearer

Open eyes
The mirror is foggy
Together and fixed
Life is here and now
Dec 2019 · 61
Underneath
I’m 10 feet down
All day, all night
But I’m rising up
Dirt is filling my eye
Pressing all around
I’m clawing and fighting
My fire shall never die
You could make me blind
You can make me all alone
You can **** my hope
But I won’t let you win
You win when I step off that bridge
You win when I stop fighting
So, let me make it known
You can cope
You do have hope
You aren’t alone
Reach out
Forget your fear
Forget your doubt
I've struggled with depression for 6 years and anxiety for 4 years now. It is a constant battle every day to find energy. Some days are extremely easy while others feel like I'm going to give in. I wrote this for myself, others and my boyfriend to hopefully help us all struggling. Love you guys. wishing you a good day.
Dec 2019 · 41
Untitled
Indescribable
A word describing love
Love is ironic
Dec 2019 · 349
said
You’re in my head
Taking up space
What you said
Floating around
The world drowned out
The only sound
You and I
And what I said
Dec 2019 · 68
Cold
Winter wonderland
The snow is quite grand
I like the cold on my skin
Snowflakes on the tip of my tongue
I’m wearing a large grin
My bare hands stung
Time to head in
Dec 2019 · 91
Untitled
Movies last a few hours
My memory shall last forever
Dec 2019 · 81
Choice
Life is not a movie
It is not full of tropes
Or unrealistic hopes
Just some ropes
Binding you to the choices you make
Consequences for everything you do
Some make it through life by being fake
Some by their passion

My mistakes keep me awake
I can feel myself break
What’s at stake?
If I cross that line
Can I ever be fine?
I will not whine
for more time
I now have to make a choice
And find my own voice
You can find your voice. Just take a breath. Let the past go and focus on the now.
Dec 2019 · 167
Trust Issues Part 2
I’m scared to keep you close
I want you by my side
I want to push you away
Yet, I want you to stay
I’m scared of love
I’m sorry that my fear is above
One moment I feel like I trust
That you’re by my side
The next I’m to scared to keep you there
I know this is unjust
You should be filled with disgust
My fear has me tied
I start to backslide
I denied and lied
To myself
I can’t find the brightside
Where is my life?
You said you fell in love
with the light in my eyes
Tell me do you see it now?
I'm working through my trust issues. I swore to stop lying to myself without facing the problems eventually.
Authors
We write
Our feelings spilling out on a page
Knights
They fight
Their passion dying on a battlefield
We both hold swords
Holding the power to smite
Blades cut through flesh
Words cut through emotional walls and halls
Words can leave you emotionally dead
Or leave you breathless and in awe
Blades draw blood
But it’s only a flesh wound
The mind is much more complicated to heal
I’ll let you think that over during your next meal
Dec 2019 · 208
The People Pleaser
Happiness
Is found in a dress
Compress
My stomach
Impress
the crowd
Always say yes
Please the people
Maybe I don’t want to please
But I freeze
I do things for you
Yet, never for me
I’m down on my knees
I wheeze
“I can be free”
I can be free from the weight on my shoulder. If I change my mindset and stand on my faults instead of putting them on my head like bricks then I can live for me and let you lean on me when you need.
Dec 2019 · 239
Trust issues
Demons are holding me tight
Loneliness is my medicine
Really, it’s a poison
I’m sipping lightly on it tonight
I haven’t let myself be so low and numb
Now it’s an explosion
I want everyone to leave
Please let me suffer in loneliness
I must confess
I make no progress
I smile to impress
Even when I’m in distress
I am a mess
“Are you lying to yourself?”
“Are you struggling with trusting?”
“Are you pushing things away?”
“Are you letting the depression eat you?”
My answer to these voices in my head is
Yes
Tonight the fear has chains on me. The fear always seems to come back and win for awhile no matter how much I fight. I'm tired of fighting.
Dec 2019 · 241
I want Y O U
You say you would give me the world
Well, I don’t need it
Nor, do I want the world
You make me feel like I’m living in a dreamworld
Yet, this is reality
So, I don’t need you to distract me
Just hold me tight
That’s the key
We can face the world together
No matter how bad the weather
I will remain by your side
I love you
Dec 2019 · 97
A deathless love
**** me or kiss me
You can pull the trigger
You can try to be the bigger man
You won’t make me plea
No, not for death or your touch
I may be in love
But giving in to your plan
That is something I won’t do
You can shove
You can push
You can chew and choke
I don’t break easily
You thought you knew
But you have nothing on me
I’m strong
So, will you **** me
Or shall you give in and kiss me
Dec 2019 · 90
Mansion
Everything is temporary
My mansion is temporary
The monsters in my mansion
they might live forever
Not in my mansion but they’ll live in another

I am always wary
For the monster are scary
Isn’t that why we call them monsters?
I have to be clever

They may never get the best of me
I will fight until I die
Whatever, whenever, wherever
They cannot defeat me until I’m dead
I’m not about to let them have that
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