No that's fine,
I didn't need my heart.
It was a nuisance that got in the way when it came time to make important decisions.
It was a screen, blurring my vision from what was really in front of me.
It was an impulse giver, whispering to my brain that what I felt was real and pure.
It was an alcoholic substance, intoxicating me into acting on things that I felt.
It was dead weight in my chest, making emotions feel ten times heavier than usual.
It was a cinder block tied to my feet, making it impossible to run away.
It was a hand around my throat, choking off my life breath.
It was a bruise, visible, and when struck, excruciating.
It was yours. All yours.
And you took it, dangled it in front of me, and made me watch while you burned it to ashes.
No really that's fine,
I didn't need it, and now it won't distract me from reality.

The gentle pulse of a wave hits my feet as I stare out to sea.
The gray horizon is empty of ships or life.
As I sit there I wonder why my dreams keep taking me here.
I feel lonely, yet I accept it.
There is a certain peace here that my loneliness in reality lacks.
I don't think of you, just that I have no one.

I want to move.
To walk along the shore, or go into the warm water,
But I remain where I stand,
Allowing the waves to gently beat their heartbeat rhythm at my feet.
But it's then that I realize I'm not alone.
The ocean is my wordless companion, like a hand on my shoulder,
Telling me that I am strong enough, good enough,
I am enough.

It's overwhelming.
This feeling that I get when I'm around you.
It's addicting, and consuming.
But it's also toxic.

I thought at first that these were good things,
But then I take a step back and dissect these words.
Overwhelming.
To be overpowered by something.
The weight of you in my life crushes me,
Destroys the spark that I have inside.
Addicting.
Your kisses and touch were something I was drawn to compulsively.
I abandoned parts of myself, because the others were devoted to you.
I was a ****** for your attention.
Consuming.
You devoured my common sense.
My time and thoughts have all been absorbed by you.
Even my dreams are defiled with your presence.
Toxic.
What you've done to me has taken hold of my heart.
It has the effect of poison, coursing through my blood,
Slowly corrupting every bit of me.

Love shouldn't be addicting.
It should fix, soothe, comfort.
It shouldn't alienate oneself from their heart.
It's a lesson I had to go through,
And while it hurt more than I thought I could bear,
Ever slowly I'm returning to who I was.
I've changed though.
That was inevitable,
For love, no matter how corrupting it is,
Changes you.

Bang.

Your indifference hits me like a bullet, straight to the heart.
I watched you pull the trigger with a smile on your face,
As if my coming pain simply couldn't make you happier.

It's not right how you used your words as weapons against me.
Each promise sprinkled down on me like rain,
But at the last second turned into acid, burning my skin.

Your presence, which was once a balm,
Numbing all the stress and confusion of the day,
Turned into fire, melting away all that I am.

It's funny how when you're able to take a step back,
You see all the things you pushed aside,
Because you so wanted things to turn out well.

All those red flags, telling you to escape,
Telling you to run away and never look back,
They were swept to the deep crevices of your mind.

But now I see things clearly.
I'm sitting on a battlefield, nursing my wounds,
Looking around at all the pieces of me you scattered across the ground.

And there you are, standing across the field,
With your back turned towards me,
And your weapons stained with every piece of me you took.

Smells hold memories.
The scent of something can contain a bit of your heart,
And when your nose catches that scent, there is no stopping the flood that occurs.
Images, flashes of faces, of feelings, of warmth, hit you.
One by one they ***** your skin,
Giving your heart jolts that you weren't prepared for.

When we were together, I used to go to my room to sleep,
And sometimes I could still smell your cologne on my arms,
And it was a comfort I could fall asleep with.
A piece of you was with me in your absence,
Embracing me, and lulling me to sleep.

The smells are faint now.
I tried so hard to wash you out of my skin, my life, my clothes.
I didn't want that flash of pain to occur any more.
Putting on a sweatshirt, or jacket
Just to catch the scent of you caught in the threads,
Was slowly driving me mad.