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Enia Jun 13
Sa akong pagkas kas sa gitara
sa ilawom sa kahoyng palma,
naminaw ko sa mga langgam,
nagsturyahanayg mga butang
na gusto nako mahibal an.
  May 19 Enia
Irate Watcher
I want to be available
to the people who love me.
I want to be there
emotionally, physically, financially.
I want to be their shoulder
their crutch, their solace.
The person who does not drop anything.
I want to give the feeling
of lightness to every being walking this earth.
Every human, creature, and plant
as they grow up fast.
I want to be nutrition,
a steadfast superhuman
so unfazed, so cool-headed.

It infuriates me
that I'm not this person.
It should be so easy to give.
If I just get my **** together,
I've repeated on and off again
the last five years.
But somehow, I always manage
to waste enough time
to get there,
but late.
When I have nothing
left, a hollow person
someone gave too
many tries.

Still, the people I love
tell me I'm wise,
an angel body.
Like they must justify,
who I am,
the imposter
the transient,
always planning,
for when she can
run away again.
  May 3 Enia
V. Ethereal

Maybe being drunk
is the closest I will
ever get to zero gravity--
to walking on the moon.

My fingers curled
around the neck of a liquor bottle,  
I wander to my bedroom window,
as a tipsy weightlessness settles
amongst my limbs
(and my thoughts).

Swaying slightly,
I part the curtains and,
in my intoxicated stupor,
search for Polaris in the night sky,
point to it,
press a clumsy hand to the glass,
convince myself that
I have captured the star,
and all the omniscient power
it possesses,
beneath my finger tips.

Star light,

{lips pant--

star bright,

{my breath appears a catalyst
as the window pane glazes over
in an impenetrable paroxysm of fog}

first star I see tonight,

{I take a swig,
raise the bottle--
a toast
to the cosmos}

I wish I may,

{Lashes meet in
silent matrimony}

I wish I might,

{Behind closed, desperate eyes,
ribbons of colour dance
towards me in a disoriented jig}

have this wish I wish tonight--

to be
obliterated by the very galaxy
that birthed
these grieving bones
and this tumultuous heart.

Because only then--
as the Gods paint the Night
with the innards of my soul,
acrylic purples
churning against the blackness--
will I become what I
have always dreamed
of becoming:


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Enia May 2
I felt the heat.
Blue, yellow, orange sparkled
my brightly colored scales as I move my tiny fins back and forth.
"I haven't experienced this magnificent sight on me before."
I looked up.
A beam of light had shone above me.
I wondered..
What is beyond this
and the other parts of me?
Blinding, my eyes squinted.
I followed the light,
I swam up until my tiny fins hurt.
I arrived in a space where the water meets the air
I saw a golden light.
It flashed through me.
I heard ambient music nearby,
creatures flying in the sky.
I stared at the light.
The light..

                                             was endless...
Enia May 2
It's raining.
I'm scared.
I bury my head in the ground.
The soft wet earth moves
engulfing my whole head.
I try to breathe beneath the organic dirt that fills the spaces in my nose,
smelled the earthy scent
until no more.
as the muddy water runs through my ears
I feel the rain
pouring on my body outside.
Noises are behind.
Comfortably hidden
Yet these thoughts
still linger.
  Jan 8 Enia
i've been staring out of this window
for so long
i can't tell who's

the people i can't see
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