it was raining that night
when we sat down at the
patio surrounding
the well - lit
building that I used to
love and hate

we were there
and it's almost
impossible
to hear you breathe
as the raindrops fall audibly
on the roof.

"what am I to you?"

was the thing I had never
imagined asking

and I could almost feel
the churning
in the pit of  my stomach
and the upwelling
feeling of regret

if I would ever, ever
like your response

and there, I realized
in a chain of thought that

asking you of what
I perceived me to be

is a
dead-end risk
and the moment
I doubted
'what we are'
I knew
that
things are never going
to be the same
anymore

I tried to focus on the rain
waiting for your answer
and you muttered
'I don't know'

we drown, together
in the silence
and I can hear us
detaching.

hello, stranger
finally,
we broke the boundary
of virtual and the physical plane
rummaging through
instances wherein
meeting you, and I
was in our circumstances.

we met for caffeine
and paper bundles
and ties within the philia
and you were unexpectedly
familiar
as if we knew each other
from a long time ago

undeniably
there are a thousand thoughts that
rushed through the gallows
intersections in my brain
and there are a thousand words i ought to say
freely, blatantly
for safety is better associated
with the anonymous
I found with you

a step, I say
to knowing what's beyond
the lashes that flickers through the air
majestic, entrancing
and eyes that glimmer
when intersected even with
the dimmest of light

and to my surprise
I felt safe
yet
in this indescribable feeling
of the need to detach
my claws onto the skin
of the unknowing stranger

I have to forget that
our existence
once crossed

for meeting you
was a mistake
that happiness forced me to commit

and as the cycle of building and destroying
the image of you, tangible and the like
continues

hurting, burning
like acid to flesh
yet recovering with no scars
at all.

I love every single bit of it.