She is nestled perfectly in the white sheets,
Tranquility covered her gently.
The fire crackles furiously, engulfing and
submerging the sky in its doomed black wrath.
Her undisturbed state meticulously crafted,
an oasis of serenity unfolded on her bed.
The harsh ballistic navy waves ram into her,
daunting and threatening to wake her.
Regardless, she is stationary, immobile,
Her better judgement rocks her impatiently,
Desperately attempting to save her.
The longer she rests, the deeper her toes dip
Into the mass of jeopardy surrounding her.
The fumes quicken towards her,
Taking advantage of her frozen vulnerability.
Perfectly positioned and pretty,
Her mind is occupied by the relaxation settling in her bones, solidifying her to her bed.
The fumes rush towards the fragile girl,
Growing around her mold of relaxation.
With one swift movement,
The fumes inhabit her safe haven,
Bursting the white walls she had created against the world.
Effortlessly, the fumes invade her body,
Finding a perfect spot on her throat and viciously implanting their pollution into her.
Succeeding fatally,
The world sees the pure white jubilation leave the girl's frail lifeless body.

betrayal is the beginnings of pure agony and heartbreak. betrayal is the feeling of loneliness inside your stomach, clawing and ripping, letting the acid into your blood stream. it burns. and aches. betrayal is the sensation felt when a dagger is placed ever so delicately against your  back and then proceeds to be rammed into your spine, paralyzing you with misery. these daggers shoot at your closed wounds, reopening them, re-exposing them to the cruelty of the world. betrayal is the feeling of a hand wrapped tightly around your trachea, restricting your breathing and forcing you to just sit back and take it, and let it happen, because there's nothing you can do about it except take the excruciating pain and close your eyes. time cannot heal betrayal. time cannot replace the damaged inflicted by betrayal. regardless of forgiving, betrayal is permanent.

the air is spicy,
or maybe i am just -
caucasian.
i was told i was
puerto rican,
but i do not see it.
if i was,
the air would
not be this
spicy.
i choke on oxygen.
the air pollutes
my lungs
wrapping them in
a toasty feeling.
it's the spice
in the air.
or maybe
i am just
caucasian.

i don't know
if i can
forgive you.
after all of this
heartbreak,
i am still
broken.
and you are
new.
you cannot
fix what is
broken.
you cannot fix me.
you have scarred me.
ruined me.
manipulated me.
i don't know if
i am capable of
forgiving you.

i know you
are sorry.
but sorry is
only a word.
sorry cannot
mend my heart.
sorry cannot
take away
what happened.
sorry cannot
treat my pain.
the pain you
caused me.
your apologies
crack at my skin,
but your words
are buried deep
within my heart.
sorry is
unforgivable.

What do you see in me
Do you see a smiling girl?
A smart girl?
A girl who loves to sing?
A girl who always knows how to make you laugh?
Or who knows what your going to say?
A girl you can tell everything to?
A girl who sees the good in the world?
Who sees nature differently?
Who sees purity in the dark?
Someone who knows how to fly?
What if I told you...
I'm the girl who goes on crying for days...
I'm the girl who does school work 6 hours straight,afraid to fail....
I'm the girl who poors out her feelings in song because no one can hear my words...
Who only makes you laugh so she doesn't cry...
Who knows what you will say because she remembers every one of your words afraid they will be your last...
I'm the girl who listens to your problems so she doesn't have to live through hers...
Who sees the good so she can chase away the bad...
Who wishes she could be a bird that way she'd finally be free...
I'm the girl who is the dark so she picks out the purity because she wishes to be that light...
I'm the girl who only knows how to fly because I'm scared to fall...
Do you still see those things in me?
Am I still that never ending joyful person?

fifteen minutes.
nine hundred seconds.
that may not seem like a lot, and compared to hours, it's nothing.
but on that nerve racking day of january 28, 2017, seconds dragged on and it felt like an eternity passing by and all i could do was sit there and watch as time filled itself.

fifteen minutes was the difference between seeing my grandfather alive and not lying lifeless in a hospital.
fifteen minutes was the difference between being able to say goodbye,
and having that burning guilt in me knowing that i couldn't.
fifteen minutes was the thought of how i hadn't seen him in months, and now i wouldn't be able to even see him alive.

tears, agony, and pain were smeared all over that hospital room when i walked in.
tears flew down my cheeks and held no mercy and uncontrollable sobs fell through my lips.
we were all heartbroken in unision, like an orchestra with broken strings and instruments. ones that could not function properly.

i regret a lot in my short amount of time on earth.
i regret not being closer to my grandfather when i had the chance.
because that chance, has now spilled right through the cracks in my fingers, fell through the surface of the earth, and fused with his decaying body, six feet underground.

fifteen minutes isn't a lot of time, because the moment you take your eyes off the clock, you realize, fifteen minutes wasn't enough time to begin with. and even if you want more, time is irreplaceable.