I want to mourn
For all of me that died
So much of me died
All that’s left is this shell
Remnants of a person
I want to mourn
Because it hurts
I think
I wouldn’t know
Because I chose to silence it
Intervention in my death
I stopped dying
But I wasn’t revived
Just not dying
And now here I am
Not dying
But I’m so dead
Necrotic
And I can’t mourn
I can’t make the tears come
Because of that little white circle
I place on my tongue at night
It kept me from dying
But I’m not better
Just paused
I can’t mourn
All of me
That I lost

Take it away
I don’t want it anymore
But it doesn’t belong to me
I have no right
To rid myself of it
But I don’t actually believe
That things will get better
Do I?
This life
It hurts
And as long as I’m here
It will hurt me
So I’ll have to keep fighting
As long as I am here
Because no matter how much
I don’t want it
It’s not mine to throw away

Holding onto life
Reality
Sanity
My hands growing weak
My grip loosening
But as I am about to let go
To relinquish
You grab my hands
You secure them
You won’t let me go
I beg for you to stop
Just let me fall
I’m so tired
You breathe life
Back into my bones
Renew my strength
Because I’m not done
My fight is not over

If I stop being distracted
And pay attention
To what’s going on
Inside my head
I realize
That all I can hear is
Screaming