the heart aches
like
earthquakes.

today
i allowed myself to feel
heartbreak
one very last time for you.

the sun was settling,
silhouetting the city

it felt like
the burial site of massacred dreams.

When I turn 18
I'm gonna exercise my rights
That atrophied muscle I was denied
Since I was born.
I'm gonna start with a lotto ticket
And a pack of cigarettes
(don't think I'll smoke them though)*

I turned 18 eleven days ago
And since then my dreams
Like puffs of smoke from the cigarettes
I never bought
Have dissipated into air that just barely occupies my lungs
I have no home
No family
No rights to the one thing I wanted
The one thing I convinced myself I deserve:
Happiness.
Gangrene eats the atrophied fibers
And loss of hope eats my soul
Aren't these trials supposed to make me stronger?
Or am I too weak?
I don't want to carry on.

it's five o clock...i gotta go
at this time
we hit the road

straddle the seat..and push the button
she comes to life....all of a sudden

squeeze the clutch
and roll the throttle
and look out...for that broken bottle

now your riding in the wind
there's no one better.....except for him
roll the throttle ...once again
and tighten the strap ..under your chin

always alert...and very careful
keep your eye on the road
and try to be lawful

twist it now
it come's alive
sounds like thunder....in the sky

watch the road....not the redhead
she's no good to you...if your dead

don't pass that car...on the right
that's called a cage accident
it's an ugly sight.......

stop at the light
stay off the phone
keep your eyes....glued
on the road

it's almost over ...your almost there
you feel like you lost....all your cares

wind burned face
bugs in your teeth
the rain drops feel...like they are sleet

twist that throttle one more time
time to down shift
and fix the shine....

made it home ...safe and sound
can't wait till tomorrow...comes around

i'm not married...but she's my wife
she looks after me...if i treat her right.....

7 points
3 planes
9 lights
and this fire in my lungs
your presence was overbearing and I had so much to say
Bursting at the seams with such consequential information
I am a coward
I have never experienced a night where cars ceased to exist
And the wind invaded my pores so profoundly
All the things I could not say
God ******
So many moments where I could feel the letters slipping
Out of my lips, but I collected them
And shoved them back down my throat
And then proceeded to **** them with my conscious
"Are you okay", I asked
"Yes"
"I think you're lying"
silence
silence
silence
That was all I could muster up
But what I really wanted to say was-
I know you're lying
And I want to crawl into your cigarette fingers
Give your lonely chapped soul some company
But that does not even begin to portray the images;
Thoughts inside my brain, chemicals reacting
Refusing
Resisting
I am an imbecile
A decaying bundle of festering emotions and words
Slowly rotting my insides, I wish
I could just tell you
How I actually feel

Hush, lullay.

Your treasures all

Encrust with rust,

Your trinket pleasures fall

        To dust.



Beneath the sapphire arch,

Upon the grassy floor,

Is nothing more

        To hold,

And play is over-old.

Your eyes

        In sleepy fever gleam,

Their lids droop

        To their dream.

You wander late alone,

The flesh frets on the bone,

Your love fails in your breast,

Here is the pillow.

Rest.

Today, I was ******* around on my laptop, like always.
My homework opened in one tab,
My life opened in the other.
Looked around on Facebook,
Catching up on old news and gossip.
A message from you popped up,
And I was faced with a dilemma.
You know, I haven’t spoken to you
Since graduation. Since our break up.
You’ve been a void in my life for a year,
Our old friends have avoided me for year.
If you ask me where I’ve been, I guess I’ll say that
Well, It’s not that I disappeared,
It’s just that I’ve moved on,
While you moved in an opposite direction.
I needed space to grow,
And you needed stability…
You needed solidity, but I was a wild sea
In a storm, throwing all objects out of my way.
You were the one trying to calm the thunder
While everyone else hid from the hurting.
I took all you had in your now drained heart,
And I hope this past year allowed you time
To fill that perfect heart back to the brim.
Because since last year, I’ve had room to grow.
I’ve become more of myself than you ever saw.
The person that you tried to save,
She drowned in the storm
And was born completely anew.
And here I am, contemplating all the things
That I have to fill my life.
And how I am ready as ever,
For you and your perfection…
And an unread message.