I will not allow you to become a banned book
In an unknown library
Somewhere lost in my thoughts

I have read you over and over
Each time learning to not read the ending first
To use my book light during the day
For sake of not being afraid of commitment
Used dictionary definitions
For loving you doesn't always make sense
My dreams have become chapters
The ring on your finger
A ******
And the family we will someday have
The happy ending

You are my library
The words you speak my light
A leather bound promise of elation

1:26 am
My eyes are burning
Can't sleep
Can't think
But you're still there
Back of my mind
All of the time
1:27 am
Floor to ceiling
I'm down here
You're up there
I can't take the stairs
That would be the hard way out
1:28 am
I could crush the place down  
Take the easy route
1:29 am
But how
Do I know what to say
When you've watered me
To the ground
1:30 am
And how the **** do I stay
Mad
When you're only
Begging me to blossom
1:31 am
I love you
For taking my heart
And planting it in your garden
1:32 am
I love you still
For letting me grow
1:33 am
But my eyes are burning still
Because what do we have to show?

"I'll always be here if you need me."
The last words you said to me.
But I need you now, so what am I to do?
I just sit here, wondering, what would happen if I messaged you again.
You said you didn't have time for friends, but you've graduated now, maybe that's all changed.
You made me so many promises,  so many promises that are no longer promises.
Does that make you a liar?
I guess it does, and that's the last thing I'd ever want to call you.
You were always there when I needed you, that was never a lie.
But ever since December 28, 2012, I felt like I've needed you more and more.
So how can you make up those promises?
How can I know if anything has changed?
I'm too scared to reach out to you because I know I can't deal with being shut down again.
I miss you.
I miss our friendship, whatever it may have been.
I miss texting you in class when I was anxious.
I miss the feeling of skyping with you the night before we first met.
I miss you running through my door on my sixteenth birthday to give me the biggest hug I've ever gotten.
I miss having you at my side 24/7.
I miss surprising you at school when I was still home in high school.
I wish you never left my life.
So, I'll always be here if you need me.
That's not a lie.

March 19, 2015, Thursday, 8:31PM

If I told him straight in the eye that I loved him, and he told me he loved me back, I'd be a fool and take it.
I don't care if he absolutely didn't mean it, I'd take it because hearing him say the three words I've been willing to say to him for years, come right back at me is more than enough.

Please,
Don't be in love
With me,
I know I can't
Love you.
Yet,
She's in love
With someone else,
We're conflicted,
Misconstrued.
Our quadrangle
Leaves us dangling
On parallel love lines.