Soft touches,
Little glances,
Small talk,
Taking chances.

Brighter colors,
Fuller skies,
Bigger smiles,
No painful cries,

Something new,
A new begining,
Maybe you'll lose,
Or end up winning.

No one knows,
It's only a start,
A chance that can save,
Or break your heart.

You're fine, son
I'm worried
You should be
relax
I'm scared dad
It's okay
I don't want to lose her
You might not
But
You need to stop doubting
I can't face this
If she has the heart you think you've found
You need to be what you speak of and keep it

I know she loves me
but she has a hard road ahead of her
You know what, perhaps she doesn't?
Perhaps your worries are your own
Yes they are dad, mine alone but
Then don't lose her by hiding away!
deep breaths

But dad, what about mum?

To quote your favorite movie,
"Don't you forget about me.."

My apartment still smells like cigarettes from Saturday
when a couple girls with crop-top ambitions
drank themselves through flip cups and through guys’ eyes
who purposely landed on their belly-buttons.
I might have stood on the couch to sing that song,
but I’ve fallen for you all wrong. After another remix,
everyone left and we played footsies while leaning
in the doorway of my bathroom, the wood trim chipping
but your smile brightening in the yellow overhead light.
And I promised I wouldn’t find myself
come Monday morning sitting here with my knees knocking,
and knocking, and knocking themselves back into my brain
that keeps reminding my heart that we expired last season,
and that it’s just too **** late.
I promised myself I wouldn’t wipe my tears on my sweatshirt sleeves,
or run my toes on the tile, or breathe in another toxic pack
of what I essentially believe is you. You are the *** I pour myself into.
You are the chance I keep giving myself seconds of.

I know I shouldn’t have separated myself that quickly, or without notice,
but honestly I didn’t know how to attach myself to someone
unless it was delicate and barb-wired together. I’m sorry I ******* it up,
back then, before the mess, wherever you’d like to pinpoint
the blame on our timeline
but you are the only chance I keep giving myself seconds of.
So I’ll distance myself between my body and this frame,
cut out text-message screen shots and paste them to my frown
so maybe I can remember what it was like to smile
without ******* cigarette smoke between my teeth.

i can still feel the tiny feet
of the static that
was running marathons when we first kissed.

i can still feel your burning
touch against my skin
and the times you
slipped your tongue in-

i can still feel you in colors like
lavender and grey
the silkiness of the sheets
the hex your body placed upon me.

i can still feel you like
a tug at my entire core.
i am always the one
who wants more.

don't
  be honest
       for
          their
              sake,

      be
         honest
               for
                 yours.

You made my blood stand still when you came in,
My cerebellum panicking wildly
As I stood, my will could not be caved in
I approached and asked for a dance, mildly.

Everlasting oceans crashed inside you,
Washing over my broken, waking shore,
Pulling me down into your bitter blue
I wonder what the bottom has in store

I see you drowning me in lullabies
Enticing, pulling me into your sea
I know even mermaids had their dark side,
Drag me through the waters, a silent scream

I flash back, and you're still in the doorway
I'll leave you be, I can't swim anyway

I'm just really sad right now. I feel so worthless and unappreciated. I'm an optimist and I try and look on the bright side but the world just makes it so hard. It's hard to keep being compassionate and mindful in a world that's so ugly and greedy and ambitious with people who would sell their mothers skin for personal gain. The love of my life left me for the dude she cheated on me with and I can't stop thinking about it. Him holding her. Kissing her. Making love to her the way I did and it makes me want to **** myself. I don't want to be miserable anymore. I need to end my attachments to others and learn to be happy on my own. I know all happiness comes from within, and the Dharma is my guide. I just need to pull myself out of this rut. Get my **** together, keep working at my job and finally graduate. I just feel like I have a thousand pounds of weight on my shoulders like a bar bell I can't toss off. My anxiety makes my stomach hurt all the time. I'm so different from everyone else. No one really "gets" me like that. Everyone else is so material, bland, and blind to the truth. They all just look at my like I'm crazy. Like I'm gonna douse myself in gas and light myself on fire in protest of their sins. I', just in a terrible spot in my life and this is the one place that I feel like I can be honest. I'm sorry to bother you all... goodbye

To think I've wasted so many beautiful words on you.
All these poems mean nothing now.
All of these verses just add fuel to the fire of my bitterness.
I'll douse them in gas,
throw them above my head
and set them ablaze while they rain their eloquent ashes down  upon my melancholy soul.
Arrangements once soft and light hearted
now fill me to the brim with negativity that I want to regurgitate back into your mouth and watch you drown on all the stress you caused me.
I want my pain to fill your lungs like fire and pepper spray,
searing through to what's left of your callous heart.
You never deserved me.

His hands are ice,
Sharp like broken glass,
But he says, "Come here,
The cold won't last."

So you hand him your heart,
With a smile on your face,
His hands are ice cold,
But your heart is in flames.

He says, "Trust me,
You'll melt me to a puddle,
Fire and ice,
We'll make such a nice couple."

So you give him your all,
With a smile on your face,
And you fall and you fall,
Toward your icy embrace.

He squeezes his hands,
With your heart inside,
He didn't melt, put your flames out,
But you smile and say everything's fine.

Then you say, "That's okay,
My flame comes from within.
I'll take my frozen broken pieces,
Reconstruct and shine again."