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YOU O you o impossible
you, would like me to
fit you into my mouth
with a shoe horn you
and a shoe OPEN WIDE
(he says) spread those
wings and he pulled me
apart from the inside

If I could IF I COULD dear
I would fly away from
you

YOU O PSYCHOTIC o
******* (and *******
again, *******) you
dear o you smear o rip
me wide open like you
do O PANZERBLITZ you
treat me like your own
personal Jew

you O MERCILESS YOU
you fed off of me, you and
your little fake **** of a face
YOU ******, FOR SO LONG
it was only you

me (O ME) WHAT you left
of me, there on the side of
your shoe, dog ****, no I am
not, simply not, YOU FORGOT
what you left behind left to rot
***** you

(and yes and yes and certainly
so much less, you nullified me
and nothing here, nothing left
to fix with your rotten
tools)

Like a child you liked to
see how things worked
from the inside pulled
apart one piece at a time
the clock no longer ticks
and I don't think so, no
this heart no longer
kicks, put back together
like this, BANG UP JOB
if I must say so and I
must
Your outrage is a foot
on my throat, my mute
mouth is no match
against the clatter
and bash, like
the banging of pots
and pans on New Years
Eve, your outrage is
expressed as joy
while mine is broken
into a thousand silent
pieces, mine now
yours
Your outrage has
made mine invisible
and even improbable
You are the worst
kind of thief
of uncountable
things
with no evidence
of your onus, once
mine, heavy with
time but made
light of
No wonder your
outrage comes so
easy, weightless
as it is
I do not want
to be any part
of the cause
you took from
me, made
ridiculous
squalid and
squandered
I want you to feel
the real thing, at
least. up until the
moment it silences
you
I live 10,000 miles under
the sea, I am this happy
gasp of air, the thud of
my blood beating in my
ears, I saved this breath
for you and for me

Darling twisted happy
a conk shell to hear you
and the sand that slips
between our toes, the  
grist and grind of every
human kind I see your
face swapped for one
wave after another
I call this Repose

I could wait forever

You are some kind of
fish, now ain't you?

I know you're learning
how to breathe, big effort
for so much hot air, my
pride beats in my pulse
first for you then for me
I am an empty tank of
despair, so much for
a fair trade, you still
pretend, still hanging
in there

Darling, my turtle
your arms and legs
times four, you're
kind of ****, if not
for the water around
your wrists and ankles
the better to take you
there

I could wade forever

You think love is hot
and painful but mine
is cool and green, you'll
see, here with me or there
with your final and very
memory
(it's only scars) but
it hurts! from Mars
you see: from far away
The Lord of Indifference
dropped a seed (she's
just a ****)
O but the pain!
and the No and
the No and the No
and you can't get blood
from a stone (lemme
show you my river
of red throbbing
with a tide all
my own, hurdles
at me O COMET
OF PAIN (am I
really and truly
this insane?)
The red licks the
lips of all the red
gone dead tongue
dried to a crisp
all bones and stones
(and yes I really
am) sorry folks
follow the arrow
and pay your dues
egress is thatta way
and no one remembers
the precise way to
doom
Was in my heart
(was in my head)
Was in my throat
(I knew no dread)
Was on my lips
(and so I said)
Rolled off my
      tongue
I love you
(dead)

Too late, too late
(his heart turned
      stone)
I wanted him
(go home,
      go home)
In words, in deeds
(I should have
      known)
Goodbye my
      dear
(I'm all alone)
I have no idea what does
or does not grow in those
sorry patches once full
of hope, the ones I checked on
everyday, waiting for the first
bit of green to push its way
out of the earth as if to prove
something about my worthiness
my optimism, even in the face
of all that other decay
I don't believe he ever
took a look, kept his face
pointed the other way
sure of disappointment
but like a kid who can barely
wait for Christmas he waited
for a garden that pops up
all in one day, along with
a woman that transforms
over night, not the one
he went to sleep with
but someone so much
better
I've always had the hope
that in my absence my
gardens flourished,
even went crazy with
green and vines and
fruits and flowers,
so many flowers
and even with the next
one coming behind me
and bashing the crap
out of everything that
sprouted, that's okay
I imagined always the
following year and
and the one after that
in the event she was
still there, the blooms
coming back in spite
of all her efforts to
**** them
and if flowers could talk?
what else could they say
but, Lady, give up-
she will never go
away
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