I hear people echo
"I don't want to just survive
I really want to live."
But what if surviving is hard enough on it's own?
What if it takes every molecule of my strength
Just to get out of bed?
What if my past, and traces of it
Including those bits surrounded by ashes
Infect every crevice of my being?
How can I
"Live life to the fullest"
If my body and my mind do not want
To let me live at all?
Perhaps the worst part is
I have no desire
For any Prince Charming
Or dark, mysterious man riding in on a stallion
To come swoop in and save me from myself.

building up,
I skipped past 400 bc Beowulf to 642-735 bc Bede and then was hung up on the word "irr--"
I don't know how it ended.
i asked where he found it. I was told it was his great-grandmother's. I knew I didn't deserve that.
I was never that good a friend, never a lover, always that ulterior motive
He asked if I had read the note he slipped amid the sketches and notes
in old time cursive. I hadn't.
On the tattered brown leather chairs he sat by me, as I read.
I read all but a word of it, i couldn't make it out. But, in his eyes,
I am a Woman who loves Words.
and he couldn't be more right.

I can taste the wood and paint
of the pencil i've been biting
I let it roll from my teeth down my shirt.
And I can't focus on the Words in my head because
the Song is playing but I can't focus on the Song because
the Rain is hitting
the roof. And my window.

Everything fades to a Place where
all outlines are blurred.
No harsh edges
Only the ideas of words

My carefree girl
My girl of the roses
The friend I love
So very dearly
She holds the sunshine
And the wind and rain
Locked inside her tender heart
I'll never forget
How you love to romp with me
So you are my best friend forever
Beautiful girl of the roses

*~Marian~

It's a lot like the feeling
One of those times
When he'd not text me
Or call me back for a few days
Except,
This time lasts a lot longer

Like a breakup
Except,
Neither one of us specified a
breaking point

I don't want to move on though
'cause
that means I did it without you

And we do everything together.
We go everywhere together
I'll go anywhere with you

And the clouds in your eyes
The sun in your smile
Your meteorite soul
You've got me forever.

the title is meant to be ironic
enough to draw the attention
of the easily offended and
dramatic internet users
who happen to cross this
poem.

it's ironic because 'Gay' & 'Bible'
usually come in contention;
words unfit to modify the other
a neon g-string preist is odd
but it ain't necessarily
so.

I explained this.

A sign of the times,
It's my crisis
I'll exist if I want to.

The machine
Has taken on
A life of it's own
It has become purpose
Without reason
Purpose alone
It is wired
With rules and regulations
Written for compliance
For blind obedience
For it's own perpetuation
The cold machinations
Have no desire
No meaning
Other than purpose
To survive and grow
And we, we are
The lubricant
Crushed between
The gnashing gears
To aid the machine
And make it
Run smoothly

I would have been
A stalker
But she loved me

So overwrought
Like a fragile thread
Stretched too tight
Too low
Beyond its powers.