I love you.
For the first time I say it.
For the first time I am not afraid to say it.
For the first time those words flaw out of my mouth to the ears of one that worthy.
And for the first time i am afraid.
Not because i love you, but because i can't love you.
Am afraid i can never have you.
No matter how much I will it, i know you can never be mine.
But still i love you...

You had your chance
Just one more time, one more time you said.
In each person you thought you saw something special, something you longed for, but with each new person you were left with a scar, empty rooms n memories to taunt you.
I know, the high is addictive, the feeling exhilarating. Like a mirror it shows you the beauty you want to see. It picks you up, blind folds you but you still see the beauty of life, unaware you are falling to reality.
You say what doesn't **** you builds you up but who are we kidding? What doesn't **** you leaves you wishing you were dead cause some scars turn into wounds that last a life time.
Its time we listen to reason, that's why this time we let the mind decide.
You had your chance, its time we put emotions aside...

I was enraged
Possessed by the desire to be even.
I was on a warpath, seeking to inflict pain on the world.
I felt it "slowly poisoning and corrupting what was within".
My mind was enslaved to wrath, my heart harboured so much hate i felt it as i breathed, it was choking.
My fists clinched and my body shook with rage.
It frightened me, it frightened me cause i wanted to cling to that hate, i wanted it to drive me.
I no longer wanted to hear my thoughts.
I tried to drown them in the loudest music i had but i could still hear myself as the music faded.
Liquor only helped for a moment after which it started to enhance the whispers in the back of my mind, filling me with confidence to carry out the desires of my heart.
I felt it all.
Every insult, humiliation and abuse, every negative emotion.
Every single emotion i had ever suppressed seeking to lash out at the world.
I felt it all raw and untamed...

Its not that i don't like you, i moved away cause i don't trust myself around you no more.
I've seen the beauty in you and i don't want to stain it.
You see i have a past thicker than the night and a demon that just cant stay at bay.
Like someone hooked on cigarettes i have a hunger that only seems to grow since our first encounter.
Around you am like a child who doesn't know stop or an alcoholic close to alcohol, i cant always restrain myself.

I don't trust myself around you no more.
You've become like the air i breath i cant have enough of you, i keep craving for more.
Your kisses and caresses are no longer enough for me,
they have become the fuel to the desire within.
All i think of is getting you alone, succumbing to my basic instincts and redefining the fifty shades of grey.
Its not that i don't like you i just don't trust myself around you no more.

We were like night and day,
fire and ice, as different as the poles of a magnet. i found myself drawn to her like gravity.
Her appearance was overwhelming;
eyes as dark and beautiful as the night.
And a smile as enchanting as the sun set, with a curve that just compelled one to smile as well.
She had the beauty of the moon, the kind that stood out even amidst stars.
Her beauty wasn't just skin deep,
She had a warm personality,
she was optimistic, compassionate, kind, polite, the church type.
I tried to stay away for i feared to stain the innocence in her with my corrupt mind.
We were like two sides of the same coin, i being her exact opposite.
My mind was as twisted as it gets, finding pleasure only in the things forbidden,
with a “heart that was cold and ruthless” yet possessing a face that portrayed innocence.
I was like the rose that ensnared the eyes with its beauty while hiding its thorns under the petals.

I couldn't stay away,
I wanted her.
Wanted every bit of her
I tried to act like the saint i appeared to be but it never lasted, i longed for her.
I would see how she moved with grace and i would question my resolve to limit myself.
She was the one i desired to have.

You left.
You left with a text.
I sat down puzzled, trying to wrap my mind around it.
Like a person with internal injuries, i was yet to feel the worst.
A day flew by then two and i thought I would be just fine without you.
I found myself busy all the time, not knowing that I was trying to fill your absence by covering the time space you left.
Getting myself so tired that i didn't have the energy to lie down in bed and think.
But it slowly caught up with me, bit by bit.
I felt alone amidst friends,
could feel the sadness even in times of joy,
had a hole i couldn't fill,
n raw mixed emotions that just gushed out at the thought of you.
Ever been told not to look to your side but you cant help it?
I tried not to think of you but each time my lost mind strayed it searched for you.
You couldn't just walk out as you walked it.
I asked myself: if i had been the one to tell you, 'you deserve better', would it have shielded me from these emotions?
Would it have hurt any less if i left you first?
You took away my contentment with solitude, and like an addict left me longing only for you...

No arms could comfort me, cause you took something with you.
I thought if we got back together you would fix the broken pieces,
but not even you could fill the void you left.
I thought "time heals all wounds" but this wound only grew with time.
I could no longer feel the passion behind your kisses,
I look at you and that burning sensation i felt is no longer there, just lust in its place.
If you had paid attention you would have noticed that the park in my eyes had gone.
All i was left with are eyes with an emotionless gaze, and an empty shell of a heart knowing only a hunger that must be fed...

Please pardon my vivid imagination; i can’t help myself at times.
My mind seems to stray when you're in sight.?
My brain is deprived of blood flow hence crippling its ability to reason.
Like gravity am drawn towards you, lured by your innocence and enticed by your beauty.
All i think of is drawing you in and caressing you.?
Holding that very body that drives me mad with a lustful crave, once your swaying hips are in sight
Thoughts so dark n ****** crowd my mind and appeal to my basic senses.
Thoughts of seeing you in your birth suit, how it would feel to put my hands around your waist, kissing your lips and slowly making my way down till you stop to resist and draw me in.?
To show you the feeling that seems so wrong but feels so right.
To know how it would feel to rest my head in your ***** n lay in your *****; to feel your warm body against mine.?
I would whisper coaxing words into your ear n slowly move my hand across your body feeling every curve and till your senses are screaming for me telling you to set yourself free.?
Please pardon my imagination for there are thoughts i just can’t resist…