My #2
Consistently
Even two years ago before I ever started flirting and you wouldn't take a ******* hint
I will forever be grateful to you for staying up with me on a call until I passed out to make sure I wouldn't hurt myself in the middle of the night
And always dropping other things to play **** games with me because they made me happy
And listening to me rant about animal (especially bug) mating habits
And how everything ******
And gaming
And halo reach
I swear to god the stars haven't looked the same
I enjoy everything so much more (given I do have more freedom now that I moved in with mom)
I named at least four different animals after you but this last one, ale eggs, lost his family and I'm just hoping you don't succumb to the same fate  
I know you got jealous about tanner and angry about Eric since he threatened me with the thing I'm most afraid of after needles and you know it and he knows it
If you took a ******* hint both of us would have been happier sooner
And now thanks to my selfish ***** needs it might all fall apart just when I'm close enough to meet you and it's killing me
I have been waiting years to hug you it would **** me if you decided you didn't want me now
I'll never love anyone so much I remember so much about them
I'm sorry I was a selfish ***** ****** please forgive

Minecraft calls
And gta parties
Horrible races
Repetitive insanity
Midnight laughter fits
Midnight promises of forever
Midday I love you's
3 o'clock it'll be okay
Daily please don't hurt yourself
Weekend need
Constant no interest in what I look like
Even if we were on video calls constantly
Sentence finishing
Food envy
Parent envy (at least you had one good one)
Horrible cry-fests
Constant panic spamming
Insane laughter with horrible puns
i'm done with references
Why are you ignoring me
You are the love of my life

you're not even going to start smoking for a good reason*
I feel less stressed out when I'm in pain
the smoking doesn't cause direct pain
I'll put it out on my arm
that'll scar
I'm not sure if I care. I might finally be able to balance the scar count
is your ocd that bad?
No
then why the balance
I feel better that way
you won't feel better when you have throat cancer
Eh maybe
please don't do this to yourself
I can at least try not to. No promises
*fine

The hour a day we spent together in the back seat of the bus was all I needed to stay sane
It killed the anxiety of going home
Your head in my lap and my hands in your hair
And your blue eyes
Your quiet singing when a song you knew came on
Or loud singing when wrecking ball came on
Or your getting up when you were getting in an argument
And the hugs when I was getting off
And the neck nibbles
All helped me want to die less
You kept me on the edge for 9 months
When I could have been over it
I was a little addicted
Now I realize
You're being a brat about me not being around anymore
You're mad because you don't get the king of body heat by your side
Or the constant affection
Or overwhelming patience
Or feeling like someone needs you for something other than cigarettes
I'm sorry I had to want to die less

If I could teach you anything
It would be to draw
Or write poetry
Turn your thoughts and feelings into art
Make someone feel something
Someone other than me at least
You don't know how to handle your emotions any better than I do
There are no likable qualities you have other than overwhelming body heat
And you've done something horrible recently
You won't tell me
But I can tell by the way you react
You're more angry with you than anyone else is
I'm so sorry sweetie
You deserve it