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Ellie Carr May 2016
For me
that line between crazy
and not quite crazy
has forever been a little blurred
like the drunk, his speech a slight bit slurred.

I thought I knew
Thought I only pretended,
with you
Ellie Carr May 2016
There is a hope beyond ourselves
It does not change and bend;
Infallible, it is not of men.

Choose to ignore, choose to deny
Better yet, choose to rely.

Jesus Christ died and rose again.
Ellie Carr May 2014
I love the darkness
'cause it reminds me
That our lives,
they're drawn up tightly

unspin the rope
become the moon
feel its pulse
from him to you

your days are numbered
speaks he in weary
jest aside, and life is queer-y

Dampened thoughts spin down inside
Refoil now try to hide.
In desperation, grab the rope
optimism, not much hope

i am not immortal.
the black of night reminds me
but oh is there hope, for there is a God who saves
Ellie Carr Mar 2013
Cut back on the fire
And cut back on the blood
Cut back on the cynical
And let loose the flood
Ellie Carr Mar 2013
Steeped in pain,
I watched you borrow the only feelings
You'd ever known
From a sadistic boy
And regretfully I sat idly by
As you called those same feelings your home

When were you lost on me?

As you hid under that makeshift house,
I forgot to listen,
forgot to care,
forgot to love
Then like the pious me, I doused
your feelings with apathy
and hung on every apostrophe,
as if it were some disgusting catastrophe.

As if it mattered.

And my eyes were clouded with a mist
That penetrated your naked skin and cut to your depleted heart
Where was I when your bones were were breaking apart?

How did I miss it?

I knew so much about real, unconditional love
Yet I was so lost in the sea of my own transgression I didn't want to admit existed
That when you reached out, I resisted

Even worse, that you never even felt like you could reach out.

At what shameful point did  my ever-present annoyance consume the love I once knew?
At what point did I decide it was fine to act that way?
To pretend, despite my every inclination,
That something as consequential as justification
Is simply a side effect of my every sensation?

At what point did I abandon Truth?

Please forgive every moment that I wasn't praying,
Every moment that I spent toying
With the notion
That you were past redemption....
No longer a saint, time to accept exemption.

Even I know that's not true.

But now I'm here.
And I just want to be a friend.

*Because sometimes, that's all we're called to do.
Ellie Carr Feb 2013
Only You see
Into the deep crevices of my heart

Not even I know
The place where wretched thoughts do part

Tell me about my motives; are they pure?
I long, I wish, and I lose sleep...
Just waiting for Your cure.

'Cause I don't wanna spend my whole life wrapped up in the empty whispers of my brain.
Caught in the drought, and waiting for rain.
Caught in my lies, and believing the pain.

Who am I, apart from You?
And who am I, if not made new?

I can be radical,
and I can be bold.

But daring to proclaim the truth of Your grace,
I once again find myself instead saving face.

— The End —