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Sep 16 · 33
Overheard at the beach
Eliza Sep 16
I know what we'll do!
We'll get a canoe
The further out we go...
PEACE
Sep 13 · 35
Trying
Eliza Sep 13
I know you are trying
He says I'm trying
He says sorry
He says I'm trying you know
I'm doing what I can
And I look in the mirror
And I say to myself
Why do I feel I am asking
For a lot
Why do I feel inside that
My heart is heavy
That I am making him feel
He has to tell me
He is trying
It is true but I don't want it to be
That you are trying
And I am listening
Over and over
After all no matter what
It's a soft kind of comfort
When no one is proving
Who they are or that
They are trying
Isn't it supposed to be easy
No but isn't supposed to be fun?
And yet I sleep with his shorts
Next to me so I feel close by
To his sleeping heart
And I'm still here thinking of him
I need to prepare for it all
For all endings
For the ending that ends
And for the ending where we
Are hand in hand
It all feels just as scary
With or without him trying
Sep 13 · 50
To be creative
Eliza Sep 13
It's having paint on your phone
Having thousands of ideas
That have yet to come to fruition
Having those ideas evolve daily
And no where to store them
Other than your mind
It's problem solving then forgetting
Before writing it all down
It's grabbing a pen to draw
On a napkin at 2am
It's carrying on with life
To be reminded months later
To see with greatness
To see with imagination
And expectation adding weight
And pressure of productivity
When it's not being worked on
It's to feel responsibility
To create even though we
Find things hard to express
It's feeling you know
More than you show
It's living with half finished
Projects and full frustration
It's hiding, it's demanding
It's freeing and trapping
It's going for it anyway
Following the idea until it
Becomes something else
It's never feeling finished
It's always ongoing
It's to be alive and kicking
Sep 13 · 34
Barrier
Eliza Sep 13
It's between us
But from both sides
We have different
Human minds
I don't know
What it's like to be you
I can't imagine
I long to know
Without the barrier
How would I love you
Sep 13 · 299
Withdrawal
Eliza Sep 13
I miss smoking
Almost in the same way
I miss Amy sing
And Mac Miller
Light up a room
Where did they go
Deep detachment
Of songs unwritten
Powerful lyrics
Being sober
I'm hearing them
Different
I value life more
Ignorance to pain
Is ignorance to peace
You can't take one
Without the other
Everything is alarming
And loud
But I am surviving
Using my third eye
As my guide
Naive enough to think
It's all coming together
Sep 11 · 31
Welcome
Eliza Sep 11
Restless heart
Wide eyed consciousness
Deep disappointment
Expectations overflowing
My mind is self sabotaging
Or is it self protection
An inability to know
The striking difference
Once upon a time
Overcoming addiction
Befriending insomnia
Is the entitled part
Of your mind
Saying it craves
More stimulation
Hello again
The same fear
The same pain
I know how to see
What I don't want
But life is testing me
I don't know yet
How to let go
When my soul is
Underwhelmed
Is it my fault
Is it others actions
Or do I need
A different set of questions
To stimulate my mind
**** is half hearted
**** is not golden
Like the darkness of reality
Can be
My heart wants to suffer
My soul knows to keep trying
Until I am able
To say proudly
I am responsible for my mind
Sep 9 · 229
Dr Winn
Eliza Sep 9
Accept yourself
And all that you are
I just met a doctor
He came with a cure
It was simply to
'Accept who you are'
Sep 5 · 23
Sometimes fuck off
Eliza Sep 5
Sometimes you find yourself
In a place you don't want to be
Brain fog come at me
So I went to the GP
Despite daily worsening pain
Absence from work
And future plans
I was told I had
Health anxiety
Aug 30 · 56
Short distance spy
Eliza Aug 30
Undercover and in pain
Let my secrets out again
I know when to rest my mind
My one man band conclusion
Is always that Gloria is saying
I will survive this round
Yet my heroic strides
Only wake to meet me
When I am alone
The quiet truth is
My strength evaporates
Around the space
That is around you
It's the in between bits
That just won't do
You step carefully up to my door
And arrive with the flowers
Your smile brightens the room
You make me feel like an heirloom
Discovered treasure in the ocean
Or a loved national anthem
Just when I feel the right balance
You step playfully off the see-saw
You walk back out into the world
With your smile as your crutch
I look at you one last time
And I feel I am a forgotten stone
I feel more alone than when you were
Never coming back
There's always going to be time
For separation
But when you go I go too
Mentally
I want to be the paths you walk upon
I long to be your uber driver
Even for the briefest encounter
I would love to be a street onlooker
Admiring your face from a distance
I long to be everyone you are yet to meet
The person who sells you lunch
The people who complain at work
I'm jealous of the silly jokes
I'm a bit reluctant to admit
I want to be able to say goodbye
And still hold delight in my day
But my time without you
Feels like life is going back to school
Like I feel when I am to read a book
Like the time used to practice the piano
To prepare for the next big event
But without cheers, big crowds
Or admiring eyes around
The undercover pain
That I am speaking of
Is not written about enough
That my strength as I know it
Vanishes when I know
I am only intermittently
Going to be without you
Aug 28 · 98
20 bag please
Eliza Aug 28
I beg you
Title me
Your disappointed
Queen
Forget my crown
It's not needed
I mean it would help
But I guess
You can disappoint me
In a different way
Today
Save that one
For a toxic trip
Eliza Aug 28
How to avoid the present?
I hear myself say
You may let it live there, quietly
You may sleep, dream, imagine
Write, read, swim, ignore
Get high even or maybe
Temporarily remember
So exquisitely
That one time the past
Held your hand
Until you are submerged
And are faced with reality again
Everything gets channelled through the present
It is your only walk way
To take responsibility
When you look back to see
You inject how you feel
And watch life change
Memories and moods
Take a different form
Shape stranger tales
You may watch the past
Become affected by it all
You may manipulate yourself
By showing your best
By not being comfortable with your worst
B y  f o r g e t t i n g
By not showing the discomfort
By giving yourself a distraction
Or you may choose others
By letting them see the worst
Letting them in is to show confusion
It is to allow room for friendship
Acceptance and freedom
Allowing someone to sit with your discomfort
Is a type of intimacy I don't think all can see
Wanting them there with you
Is a delightful rare beauty
So who do you long for?
Will their name ring a bell?
When hope is sliding down and the rain gets in
I'd like to know... who's your go to?
Who takes it all away?
Who would you want to walk with into hell?
Who do you chose to see through you
When you are loathing yourself?
Who do you open the door of your life to
When the present pulls you in?
Aug 22 · 44
A bridge to a cloud
Eliza Aug 22
We're all a jump away from suicide
He told me his truth
Led him to try to take himself
No you can't go back in time
Don't take yourself for granted
The rain forest is burning
Hearts are breaking
We are all recognisable beneath it all
Our ability to share is always there
You just don't know
What's behind someone's eyes
To see each other's pain
Is to open up about your own
We're all a compassionate mind
Away from being saved
And an effort of kindness
Is never a waste of time
Aug 21 · 713
Vulnerability
Eliza Aug 21
It's not in my heart
Or my mind
It's beyond my lungs
My veins & my flaws
It's beyond it all
The pain is deep inside
As if my body leads
To the entrance of another world
And it hurts because it's never
Been discovered
It's shiny and new
Full of nature and bloom
My pain lives alone
Beyond my ability to explain
Aug 21 · 226
To meet up
Eliza Aug 21
Don't look at him like he is thunder
Like he has struck you with lightening
And your heart is ablaze in flames
Don't look at him like he is
The sun, the moon and the stars
Pretend you are an actor
Pretend you are the sea
Look at him like he is a buoy
And maybe then you'll both float
Aug 15 · 43
No doubt
Eliza Aug 15
It all kinda started two years ago tomorrow
It's one of my chronic pain's bday see
I lay in bed stuck to the mattress
From 8am to 8pm all **** punishing day
I remember looking over
To the glass of water by my bed
Half full or half empty
It didn't matter to me
I couldn't bring myself to hold it
To the dismay of my body
Self respect sent me a text
'No one is going to protect you from yourself'
I wish I could reply with an apology
But you know what they say
The best sorry is changed behaviour
So no doubt tomorrow
Is gonna be a ******* hella good day
Aug 15 · 36
Read it and weep
Eliza Aug 15
A moment of silence please
For the one who no longer sees
How the world moves for me
The one who said it would be
For as long as he lived
He must of not meant it
I must have been too me
Blessings are the lessons
That show us how to love ourselves
In the end the truth is our only friend
He preferred to live without me
Aug 15 · 33
I'm in love
Eliza Aug 15
Quite possibly more than ever
With the way I lay aimlessly
And how I can potter
Without anyone commenting
On my moves or lack of
Or my hair or face or body
I'm in love with the freedom
Of my day and night
Can you tell where I am?
I'm taking a masterclass
It's called 'The art of privacy'
Aug 14 · 422
A mystery
Eliza Aug 14
Life is vast and full of mystery
The hands, the empty stands
With crowds yet to arrive
The feet, the secret walk ways
The paths all leading to change
The hearts, the half closed hollow trees
The black, the white, the grey
The rain falling on my headband
My silent eyes and screaming pride
All point in one direction, only to find
You are too far gone
Mar 27 · 98
Lost time got time
Eliza Mar 27
We’ve got time now, all those parts of me
To converse in my mind about that rage I felt at work
And how I missed my chance to enjoy a pain free day
I’ve got a chance to go over it and make sure it’s all let go
But the boiler, the internet, the key to the front door you say
They’re all singing fault but hey time replies just let it be
I want to appreciate the stillness, my space to dwell peacefully
It’s not happening often lately but I’ve still got my ability
To notice the passing of time and welcome the change of pace
Interruption keeps greeting me, only when I am alone am I free
Eliza Mar 6
I’d tell her girl,
That man don’t love you
Like a 90's song
I’d say nah
He gon be elsewhere
I’d say he cares yeah
But he ain’t no forever
Man, child he got other plans
So get your mind
And go do it all
Whether or not
He be by your side
I’d say let him fly
And love him from afar
But don’t go questioning
Why you’re here
Because girl,
You’re a woman now
Jan 28 · 92
I gave my soul away
Eliza Jan 28
We wrote our own
And signed them quickly
You couldn't have
Stopped me
Mine went to live
In one of his DVD cases
As if in his possession
It was safe forever
I thought that pen
Was my friend
Doing me a favour
That paper, that human
Long lost, long gone
His soul now lives
Beneath the boxes
Never spoken of
It wasn't dark at the time
We were children in love
Aug 2018 · 192
Hip Hip Hooray
Eliza Aug 2018
How have we made it here
It's been a whole ******* year
My ex he turns a year older
And I'm not celebrating
There's no anxiety and no fear
This year.
My absence is staying
It's surpassing birthdays,
Christmas, Easter and New Year!
Yep. It's a normal day for me.
I think that calls for a cake.
Aug 2018 · 398
Doing just fine
Eliza Aug 2018
I was sat
Waiting for him
And it hit me
How it will be
When we are
Together

Then I realised
I am here
And he is not
'How do I live
Without him'
I thought

I am alive!
I'm doing it
I'm doing it
it's happening
I realised
I am doing just fine
Jul 2018 · 80
Life with you
Eliza Jul 2018
You have clung to me
And I am in paradise
Jul 2018 · 72
I am to him
Eliza Jul 2018
Ask, wait, ask, wait
I'm sure I've been here
Asking and waiting
Time has gone by
But I'm sure I've
Been here before
I'm not an addiction
He isn't addicted to me
Not like I am to him
Not like I was to him
Jun 2018 · 98
How often do you love
Eliza Jun 2018
How often do you love them
Do you stare until they notice
He makes me want to remember
To fill the kettle for when I wake
So I can pour myself tea quicker
He makes me feel like celebrating
All those things I've overcome and
Go over how proud I have become
He makes me imagine all there is
How often do you meet someone
With such soft beautiful skin
And eyes that look like worlds
And hair that hugs your hand
He makes me want to feel like
Home because he makes sense
And for how often he loves me
May 2018 · 105
I’m in the matrix four
Eliza May 2018
This ones about the other men
I’m reserved but I still look at them
With intrigue about who they are
And I wonder if I would have enjoyed them
Or if I would have tried to see more
If I was without my gentleman
I used to search for someone
Now I look inwards and find life easier
As I don’t have that emptiness about
Being by myself and holding my own
Attractive people stand around
But none are as spectacular as my man
May 2018 · 71
To the motherland
Eliza May 2018
I'd take you by the hand
And bite my lip
If it ever came to it
I'd listen to you and
Remind the world
Of your grace
For you created
My better half
My slightly amazing
Very annoying
Favourite person
I ever knew
May 2018 · 89
My left hand side
Eliza May 2018
My grace and childhood joy
She holds the crown of memory
Without realising she creates
The greatness that lives within
A whirlwind of hidden honesty
We are yet to differentiate from another
Or watch our paths go the opposite way
She stands on one side I stand on the other
We always stand together
May 2018 · 402
Uncertainty
Eliza May 2018
Why am I surprised every time
The voicemail sounds the same
People. They are always the same
Walking and talking
Whenever I am not there
I speak to an agency
They answer with careful wording
All calls are recorded for training
Purposes they say
I speak to myself and listen
To my thoughts they go
Around the same way
Like the earth goes round the sun
They repeat the same patterns
I think back and forward and still
And still my perspective remains
You are always your personality
You are always the same
Even when you change
The humour and the fondness
For your favourite things
Your patterns meeting patterns
Memories meeting memories
I admire the consistency
But consistency is not to be fooled
It cannot create certainty
You have to live without that
When you ring a phone
May 2018 · 66
Broken minded
Eliza May 2018
It is not my heart
That is broken in two
It is my mind
May 2018 · 73
Calm down
Eliza May 2018
I said what are you doing
It is your vessel to control
What passes through
This body of yours
I said who are you being
Why are so you angry
Why is your heart not happy
Why is your mind racing
I said what is wrong now
When will these moments end
Why does it build up and explode
When will I learn to be
To remember how to relax
At the most crucial times
I said why are you not relaxed
Why are you like this
I walked away with the tornado
Above creating imaginary
Chaos and rubble behind me
Words lingering on the objects
That peacefully surrounded
Memories created cannot be reversed
May 2018 · 95
James Aspey
Eliza May 2018
Hate the sin but love the sinner
You don’t need to hate the whole person
But you can disagree with the action
Don’t blame and shame people inform and explain
Forgive them for they know not what they do
We reach people when we talk to them with understanding
Talk to them in the way you wish someone spoke to you
Before you knew what you now do
If a kind way resonates with you then spread that
The best way is to come from a peaceful place
Those who have the privilege to know have the duty to act
One person does make a difference and
Together we are changing the world
May 2018 · 75
Get up
Eliza May 2018
Be sad but get up
You don’t have to shower
You can put on the same clothes
You wore yesterday
Nobody will care
The sky is blue
Wildflowers are blooming
By the side of the road
Strangers have stories to tell
Go for a walk
Go for a drive
Go to a greenhouse
A bookstore
A movie theatre
You can stay in bed but
Nothing is going to happen there
Sometimes you’ve really just got to
Get the **** up
Mar 2018 · 74
Pain
Eliza Mar 2018
Why don't people like
To talk about the pain
I'm all ears to the truth
Pain doesn't mean
Life is deliberately cruel
Pain isn't here for the devil
It doesn't hide from a god
Pain just exists so why don't we
Acknowledge it a bit
It's always the troubled ones
That speak the truth
They know how to live with it
Mar 2018 · 67
At night
Eliza Mar 2018
It's okay if he goes and turns his back
Or if that painter never texts back
It's okay if the class gets cancelled
Or my friend doesn't move back
From being happy with a life abroad
It's alright if I find myself here in a year
Or if I lose contact with her next year
It's okay if I focus on life without him
Or avoid a war inside my head
It's fine if he goes.. I'll be alright
I'll just read this poem if I can't sleep
Mar 2018 · 60
Can I
Eliza Mar 2018
Can I be single for a day
And drive into the country
And look at myself in the mirror
As an individual without a mate
Or a name or a past or a job title
Can I have a day where I am not
Responsible for effecting another
Or for being able to feel this feeling
Of being the person I know so well
Can I see the world from another eye
And watch my life roll on by
Wishing I had it back and not forgetting
The things I so freely take for granted
Mar 2018 · 68
Sunflower oil
Eliza Mar 2018
What happens to the broken chandelier
Or the poorly designed kitchen sink
What happens to the fantasy castle
You designed as a child in school
What happens in the novel
That was never finished
Or the animal that goes extinct
Or that place you remember
When I got that feeling you gave me
What happens to that time
You thought you'd never get over
Or that old recipe that goes missing
How can you replace a feeling
Or that dream you thought was real
What happens to the soul after life
Or the wave that crashes on the shore
Without a photograph to remember
It's existence
You were my sunflower oil
You are no longer the person I knew
Yet I will always remember what is
To be remembered of you
Mar 2018 · 64
Equal minds
Eliza Mar 2018
My men are my women
My women are my men
The more I think about
There is no difference
Between how I feel them
Eliza Jan 2018
I haven't forgotten his name
Or the way his eyes look
But I've forgotten his sense
Of humour and the way he laughs
And his face when he sleeps
I'm not even sure if he weeps
I don't know his walk well
I've forgotten his natural smell
Maybe I just don't know what he
Brings apart from when he's
Gone and I notice that absence
I desire and long for in conversation
I know he makes me laugh
But I don't know why or when
Or if I've even really met him
I like how he is and how he looks
My way and how he turns me on
But it doesn't last long or
Make much sense if I can't
Properly remember his presence
He's like a film star I don't know
That you might imagine you know
I've fallen I retreat I am heading
Back to that time I didn't know
His kiss so I can try to forget
That time that stays in my mind
That time he disappeared without
Saying a word no reason has been
Given so I'm not prepared
To let go get hurt and let it be forgiven
Jan 2018 · 101
He
Eliza Jan 2018
He
He said what do you think
It means to have ***?
Doesn’t matter what I said
He pulled my neck hard
Doesn’t matter what I did
He brought me tea in bed
Doesn’t matter what I thought
I was myself
Jan 2018 · 2.9k
Womb god
Eliza Jan 2018
I dare you to celebrate yourself
To declare your worth
Like you have a child growing
Inside your body
Nurture your soul
Like an infant is watching
And listening ready to recycle it all
Practice peace and forgiveness
For yourself alone
Befriend patience time and time again
Notice your heart beat
And your desires and don't neglect them
Take pride and be joyful
Step gracefully into new opportunities
Stay safe like a baby is in your care
Like another part of you is out there
In this world trying to do you proud
Respect yourself for survival
Show no strength without weakness
And no weakness without strength
Allow your thoughts to travel
Recognise your flaws and truth
Accept control as an illusion
Give your mind time to be
Own that you are a woman
Responsible, brave, loving and free
Dec 2017 · 148
All in a day
Eliza Dec 2017
He took me away
Brought me home
Fed my consciousness
Called me by my name
Reminded me of today
That we are all one
That we are all lucky
Smiled my way
Gave my past glory
Pulled me near
Led me to see beyond
Little old fear
Sang to my body
Held my hand
Kissed a loving memory
Made me tea and
Sent me to Nirvana
Nov 2017 · 122
Into my ear
Eliza Nov 2017
Things go wrong
And things get said
In and out of the bed
Things aren't easy
I've found even if
It really is true love
The **** sides fly out
And line up to greet
All the pretty parts
I collapsed at the weight
Of his commitment
And I wondered if he would
Stick around for the cries
The deaths and the hells
I got taken over by the wine
My mind it was no longer mine
I longed for him as I slept
Then I woke up beside him
Stunned when he whispered
You look beautiful
Oct 2017 · 104
No longer no more
Eliza Oct 2017
He said as we were lying in bed
Don't think you are alone
You're never alone with me
And we were saying goodbye
Not forever but in some way
He's not mine and I'm not his
But he said to me you are never
Alone with me so I lay in my bed
And I thought of his words
You are never alone with me
He's not mine any longer
He's not mine no more
I let him go and I went my way
But he's still with me
Like he said he would be
I'm not alone no longer
I don't feel alone no more
He's not either he's got me
Oct 2017 · 107
Growing older
Eliza Oct 2017
You kind of dread it
But when it happens
You just accept it
Growing older
Only gets romanticised
When you're with someone
You kind of pine for it
But when it happens
You miss the past
Growing older
I'm going to make you
And I get on
Oct 2017 · 145
I've got a woman
Eliza Oct 2017
Forget the greats
The songs the films
I've got myself a woman
I got my old version
I got my younger version
I got my new self
And my old self too
I got so many of me
I've got a woman
Inside and out
I'll never be without
There's a woman
Standing inside me
I'm so lucky because
No matter what
Who why or when
I got me a woman
I get to always have me
Oct 2017 · 85
Undiagnosed
Eliza Oct 2017
Not got there yet
Not over that hill
Or through that tunnel
Haven't made it
The pain is always
Around to appear
Spontaneously
Maybe a little
Maybe a lot
It arrives to greet me
Without any invitation
Just when I think
I've gained control
And I say I'm fine now
Good night world
My body hurts again
I don't know why
The doctors don't know
No one does yet
So I lay and rest
And thank my blessings
Until it goes away
Oct 2017 · 139
Irony
Eliza Oct 2017
Actions speak
Louder than words
I think you'll find
You can be fine
Stop speaking
And act on what
Is to be done
It's about a persons
Actions not their
Same old song
Oct 2017 · 114
Pass
Eliza Oct 2017
Pain passes on
If you feel hurt
By what someone's done
It's because
The pain, it's passed on
The pain from them
Went through to you
If you try to remember
It's not the person
It's the pain they carry
That they pass on to you
You can live free
From the pain
Don't just pass it on
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