for so long i mourned the
yellow wall in my room
that was made up of all your love letters and paintings and kisses.
i fell asleep next to it every night,
and the words haunted my dreams.
i never considered changing it
for my heart still so belonged to you.
to imagine a life where no part of me was dedicated to loving you.
eventually, the tape started to peel off,
and i saw from the backs of the paper
that no part of you deserved my love,
so i took to the wall with a saw and a bucket of tears.
the yellow wall of you came down,
it always does.
it always will.
now my bed is enclosed in lavender,
a color which suits me much more,
and it is full of sentences from friends,
from those who i have grown close to in my past few hurting months.
isn’t it funny
how terrified i was to break down that wall
when really what was hidden behind it
was the love i so desperately wanted.
if i had known from the start
that closing my door to you
would’ve opened my world to so many others,
then maybe i would’ve done it earlier.
maybe it is something you have to learn,
that there is always more love out there
if you let yourself feel it.