elizabeth Jun 14
i have cried a thousand times
for the same boy,
and those same tears have
watered my soil
to help me grow
from the wreckage he caused.
elizabeth Jun 7
a daydream constant in my mind
is a scene in 10 years.
i’ll walk into the hospital
and i’ll see him there in his navy blue scrubs with his thick dark hair cut much shorter than it is now, almost as if to say
“look at me. look how i’ve grown.”

and his eyes will meet mine
and it will all feel like the way it did
when we met that first night out by the water.
i’ll say something stupid
but you’ll laugh anyway and
look at me like you’ve known me all your life.

i’ll think to myself once again
“jesus, where have you been all my life.”

we will fall into place,
he and i,
just like we were supposed to.
elizabeth Jun 6
and i’m in the bathroom crying
hoping no one at the party in the other room
will hear my sobs

i thought i was done with this
i thought i was done with you

i hate you i hate you i hate you

i want you to disappear
i want you to cease to exist

never once in my life have i wanted someone
to leave the face of this earth

but you somehow bring out the worst in me,
even when you’re gone.

you don’t deserve
to be in this universe with me.

you don’t deserve to live
under the same moon as me.

i hate you for feel that way.
i hate you for making me hate you.
elizabeth Jun 5
there’s something calming about being alone. i used to be so afraid of it. when he left me i couldn’t breathe without him. that was my flaw- i couldn’t breathe on my own. but i can now, and man it’s beautiful. it’s like the stars are shining down on me and the peonies are growing and everything is right. i’m my own person, and i don’t owe my heart to anyone. it’s just me and me and me.
elizabeth Jun 1
i used to say the word forever so easily

i love you forever
we are forever

oh baby, don’t you worry. i’m here forever

forever ends a lot sooner than you think
elizabeth May 31
he kissed me
and i forgot your name.
all i wanted was his touch tattooed
on the soft skin around my waist.

he has this electric way about him,
and i’m drawn into his brown eyes.

he makes me feel new.

it’s so tempting
to fall into him
the same way i fell into you.

but i’m afraid that if i do,
i’ll forget my own name too.
elizabeth May 30
for so long i mourned the
yellow wall in my room
that was made up of all your love letters and paintings and kisses.

i fell asleep next to it every night,
and the words haunted my dreams.

i never considered changing it
for my heart still so belonged to you.
it hurt,
to imagine a life where no part of me was dedicated to loving you.

eventually, the tape started to peel off,
and i saw from the backs of the paper
that no part of you deserved my love,
so i took to the wall with a saw and a bucket of tears.

the yellow wall of you came down,
it always does.
it always will.

now my bed is enclosed in lavender,
a color which suits me much more,
and it is full of sentences from friends,
from those who i have grown close to in my past few hurting months.

isn’t it funny
how terrified i was to break down that wall
when really what was hidden behind it
was the love i so desperately wanted.

if i had known from the start
that closing my door to you
would’ve opened my world to so many others,
then maybe i would’ve done it earlier.

then again,
maybe it is something you have to learn,
that there is always more love out there
if you let yourself feel it.
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