it's hard to know who i am anymore. i guess part of me was tied to you, and when you left, that part did too. your lies and your leaving affected more than our relationship. they affected me as a whole. i feel like i'm constantly swimming in an endless ocean, and each time the tide brings me to the sand, it slips right out from under me. i'm always sent back into a deep, overwhelming pain. it never stops. i can't ever seem to find my footing. maybe i was naive or too trusting, maybe i fell too far into you. but i can't get out of this pit, and your moving on so fast makes it that much worse. they tell you to trust yourself, to know that you were enough, when you're cheated on. no matter how many times i recite those mantras in my mirror or write them on my wrists, i can't stop thinking that maybe, maybe i ignored the signs, maybe i didn't give you what you wanted, maybe it was my fault. i know, deep in my heart, that, in truth, you simply weren't enough for me. you didn't deserve all of my everlasting love. but the pain you caused is more than artificial- it cuts through the skin and bone, straight to my heart. and whenever i start growing, the gashes suddenly start bleeding again, and it is impossible to believe that i could've been what you wanted. i just don't know who i am anymore. a piece of me was rooted in the idea that you loved me and would never harm me, and once that piece was destroyed, everything fell off balance. i don't know how to pull myself out of this. i'm stuck under a thick layer of snow, and it's impossible to blossom in the cold.