I'm going to ask myself a question
I can do that, you know
Alright, here we go
What is happiness?

Oh well, let me think about that one
Happiness is...
Ah, I know!

Happiness is you and me
Happiness is being free
Happiness is a summer breeze
Happiness is the sun through the leaves

Happiness is ice cream cone and tater tots
Happiness is daffodils and forget-me-nots
Happiness is a well aged book
Happiness is every picture took

Happiness is how we cope
Happiness is how we fight
Happiness is an eternal strength
Happiness is what is right

In short,
Happiness is you

Those who are the most compliant
Are most often
The ones with the strongest defiance
Lying beneath the surface

You speak of duty
Of a mission as sacred as any soldier
We must obey
Resistance is for naught

But we have reason
Though we may not have rhyme
The ability to lead
And the ability to die

It is not cruel
If it is at the hand of authority
Not if the person is
As worthy as their voiceless deeds

To be a martyr
Is to live a doomed existence
I have forced myself to accept that I shall live in solitude

I have learned to silence my opinions
I have learned to shut up
I have learned not to defend myself
I have learned to work without question

I have learned to be hated
I have learned to be nameless
I have learned not to care
Or at least I learned to fake it

I will live my small life
I will **** my small dreams
I will live my small events
Until I die for my small beliefs

To be a martyr
Is to live a doomed existence
I have learned to sacrifice
Because I am the martyr

I built myself a cabin
A cabin by the sea
I found myself a place
Where my old self couldn't be

Some people sat in wonder at why I'd run away
But no, they did not see
I simply wanted closure
For a life that could not be

There's lots of world out here
This is where I'm free
So I build myself a cabin
A cabin by the sea

But in running from my life
I discovered me

I am an old soul
Trapped in a youthful body

I am of unsound mind
In a world built on sanity

My mind yearns for truth
In a society of lies

I long for shadows
In the exposed light

I search for love
In whirlpools of deception

I am a strong body
Stitched together with weakness

I find comfort
In unsettling rains

I seek sanctity
In the midst of danger

I am a failure
Hiding behind my successes

I am a bundle
Of courage and cowardice

I am an old soul
Trapped in a youthful soul

I am human
But I am not

We all have corrupt minds
No matter how we deny it
Through time they are tainted
What dictates how
Each person comes to be
Is how they come to pass
Through the corruption
Through the outside voices
That muddle each choice
The truly good are those
Who manage through the pollution
Who see past the litter
Those who can differ the true from the ****
That live gives
It is a sight discovered
Not taught
It is a sense of mind developed
Not cheated
It is clarity

They ask about my idol
When I spoke my  truth
They laughed
You cannot chose as you chose

Your idol must be a person
Must be human
I have no human idol
I am not common
I do not aspire to being what everyone is

Humans are greedy
Humans are needy
Humans are ugly
Humans are evil

Humans are cruel
Humans hate
Humans take
Humans are human

They forget to live
Yet regret to die
They push away others
Then wonder why  they live in solitude

They hate loved ones
And loved hated ones
We are weaved with imperfections
Relying on broken foundations

I aspire to the mirror
It only ever gives back what it takes in
Only ever shows us the truth
Behind the lies

I aspire to a mirror
To relive
To revive
To reflect

And the depression hits
Like a raging winter
Icing my veins
Chilling my soul

A vast emptiness
Soon to consume me
Eager to eradicate
All that I am

Festering Loneliness
And eating away inside
These hollow inhibitions
Filling my lungs

I am a mere host to you
My demons
A slave to you
Your cruel intentions

Maybe this longing will suffice
Prolonging this ever longer
An eternal slumber to my sanity
An eternal request for the end

Nothing left unread
Nothing in my head
Only left for dead
Grieving in a bed

This darkness will ensue
Nothing left of you
We cannot renew
A hatred born anew

Driving in the nail
Trying to tip the scale
Forever destined to fail
Falling off the rail

Blood spilled on the gravel
I'm starting to unravel

Unwinding
Unwinding

Time to go

Unwinding
Unwinding

Don't let it be so

When there's nothing left of me
And nothing left of you
Our doom will be inevitable
Our death will find itself true

My adoration for you knew no bounds
My awe at you was limitless
My care for you stretched on to the expanse of eternity
My muse

My heart raced as you spoke your words
My eyes followed in every action you took
My skin ran cold every time it brushed with yours
My muse

My heart fell to pieces as you ripped it from my chest
My wrists began to bleed as you took away my voice
My dreams discarded off as you exposed my mind
My muse

No longer do I watch the stars
No longer do sit in wait for a person who will not come
No longer will I care for a person
No longer will I breathe this air

As I lay bleeding
I wait
Wait for you
To listen

To find me
I have no want
To be alone
Save me

My muse

I found a monster
As I walked along within the woods
This monster
He wore  the face of a child

Small things
Small things gave it away
The way its low growls emanated from his throat
How he tore away at his food with vicious anger
How he howled at sight of the moon

He was not loving
He was not tender
As small children ought to be
I was blinded
Blinded by the face

I tried to fix a monster
But the monster only hated me
I tried to fix a monster
But the monster only ate me

Now you see me
Now you don't

I am a shadow's brother
A caster's Illusion
A magician's slight of hand
An imposter's facade

A theif's mask
A soldier's stealth
An infultraitor's silence
A clever pawn

You can't run
You can't hide
Now you see me
Now you don't

It is in night
When I have my best ideas
My most heart-staking, wretched, borderline genius thoughts

It is in night
When I take my most daring, soul-clenching, emotion-wrecked actions
And ignore the bloodied face of my consequences

It is in night
When my inner beasts are allowed free from their cages
When my inner turmoils break forth and take out their wrath

It is in night
When I must face every mistake that is claimed as my own
Every outcome, every tear shed, every heart broken

It is in night
When grace and grandeur take on new meaning
And beauty reaps what is due

It is in night
When we find our true selves
Neither good nor bad
Simply human

It is in night
When all we seek of life
Is open for the taking
If only they would stop putting us to sleep....

Dreams
The wings that carry me to freedom
Nightmares
The chains that tear us from that sky

Dreams have been my solace
My sanctuary
My haven
My isolated hideaway

Nightmares have been my hold on reality
The reminder that I cannot escape
The sole reason keeping me from my sleep
The name to my torment

Both good and evil
A balance so shaken
Corrupt as my mind
Time so forsaken

How am I to keep quiet
With emotion raging inside like a riot?
Don't tell me not to take offence
At all this hate you call nonsense
You said her shirt was one size too loose
That night she went and tied her noose
That boy you laughed at for being too thin
He purges each night, leaning on a toilet rim
That girl you called a huge ****
She goes home each day with intent to cut
That boy who is ridiculed for all his scars
He plans to throw himself in front of cars

Each day there are those who turn to suicide
There are already too many who have have succeeded and died
If you think it's alright to inflict this pain
Making someone consider a bullet to the brain
Then you might want to think
Next time you try to push someone to the brink
This abuse is not alright
We all have our own fight

This, this emotion
Some form of disillusion
And they question why
Questioning me
As they question themselves
I embrace the fog
The same one that holds it all
My past
My present
And the end
The one that is my future
I have little time left
That little I hold dear
Each word with precision
I have learned to hate
This time
The time I have left
Spent only with those
Too familiar with my end
Or to unknowing
To have some semblance of a care  
They came to drive me toward this
This wanting
This longing for death
Suicide is no longer there
That option I had
It would only be pity now
In the eyes of the strangers
I draw back my words now
Regress into silence
Take my tears
Take my breath
Take my soul
This longing
Consuming
Ensuing
The sooner it grows near
The less my voice rings
The less I am heard
I am transparent
Fading
Save me from this
This digressing host
This uninhabitable being
Free me from myself

Let's light fires to sear the reflection our eyes
Let's carve knives to tease our's still hearts
Let's scream foul words they tried to purge from our minds
Let's run wild in the streets they told us not to roam
Let's drink through our emotions and react despite warnings
Let's dance until we cause the Earth to tremble
Let's stroll through the path of oncoming trains
Let's balance on bridges, teetering with the waves below
Let's swim deeper than we should dare and kiss the depths
Let's run at the barrel of the gun
Let's sing to the song playing beneath the crust of the Earth
Let's sleep in the center of the road
Let's be free until the trees weep and the skies bleed
Let's be free until the petals droop and the water boils
Let's be free until the darkness glows and the silence screams
Let's be free until the air tears our lungs and the blood broils our veins
Let's be free

This pain I feel
Not my own
The welkin low and grey
The tears of the sky
Cascade forth from my eyes
Stealing the sorrow from the heavens
Such a gloom hovers
Inhaling into tar-struck lungs
The trees veiled in the gray
This shadow conceals me
In my infinite
Not all that is eternal is right
A cold stone heart
Still forever
That being eternal
A frost sinks in
The chill felt through my veins
An endless winter
An eternal torment
Can you see the beauty?
The grace of death
My one true friend
We are forever apart
How I long for you
Dark clouds sink
Giving way to more frost
A cold transparent

I've never been intent on a destination
I've only ever dreamt of freedom  
I've always seen the world that lay outside as a path
A path I'm caged from taking
The means of travel mean little
When faced with a world of excitement
I can't say much on a world I've hardly been in
An adventurer lives inside me, reaching for the stars
I have a sense of wanderlust
And one day
I'll let it take me

Breathless
I feel the flames creep through the corridors
Devouring each room in seconds
Searching, searching
The Smoke
Stealing the oxygen from my lungs
I feel it clog my throat
Breathing black tar
Clouding my vision as it clouds my lungs
The building trembles with me
Booth shudder as we struggle not to be consumed by the fire
The blaze casts it’s tongues to me, scorching me
It reaches for me
Beckoning me into it’s welcome arms
It coils it’s temptation around me, restricting
Lacing through my veins
You are the fire
Freeing me
Killing me.

I can do it, Mama
I can get the demons out from my head
Just watch, I’ll starve them out
I don’t think the demons can outlast my hunger
I can count my ribs
One two, one two
I can count each section of spine
Look how pretty I look in my pretty blue dress
Can you see, Mama?
They’re still in there
Still wandering in my mind
Don’t you worry one second, Mama
I’ll bleed them out
Just watch, Mama
Not gone yet?
I’ll just cut deeper
The demons can’t outlast the blade
Just look how pretty pale the scars are, Mama
Just look how they clash so beautifully
All over me
The demons still haunt me
I still hear their whispers
Don’t you fret, Mama
I’ll cry them out
No demon can outlast my tears
Just look how the water streaks my pale face
Just look how the droplets twinkle
Aren't I pretty, Mama?
Still there, still there
They don’t go away
Don’t be upset, Mama
I’ll dose them from my mind
One, two, three pills
Why not them all?
Don’t you see how the colors dance in my eyes, Mama?
I can still feel the demon’s breath on my skin
Don’t you scream, Mama
I’ll drown them out
No demon can outlast the depth
See how lovely I am beneath the waves, Mama?
Why do look at me that way?
Why do your eyes fill with tears?
I’m trying to be beautiful
Isn't that what you wanted?
I’m trying to be good
Like all you longed for
Why do you only see
The devil within?
You’ll never worry again, Mama
As I sink down deeper
The last of my breath now free
I can promise you
The demon is gone
Because the demon was me

There you stand
Putrefying
Clarifying
Denying

There you go
Distantly
Achingly
Blatantly

Can't you see I've fallen?
Plunging
Plummeting
Ending

No one hears me
Silently
Softly
Regretfully

I'm no longer in that body
I'm no longer with that mind
I'm no longer in that bed
I'm now what you can't find

Comatose
Brain dead
Comatose
Tears shed

Yet my spirit lingers
Holding onto you
My eyes, they stare ahead
They only see right through

Let me go
Let the pulse fade
Let me go from here
The deal is made

Comatose
Dying
You won't stop
Trying

From birth I've made myself a person
Carved from flesh and bone
Society handed me the tools
And I was to choose my tone

I toyed with my aspects
My decisions and choices forming me
Whatever I became
My plan was to be free

But as I grew something changed
A sudden influence cast down
How can any resist
With the influence of society all around?

Soon it seemed it wasn't me
Controlling who I was
Every aspect of my being
Common because

I was no longer part of myself
I was no longer one of a kind
I was just another mimic of society
A clone unable to be refined

I refused to be a part of that person
I accept being one of a kind
That last thing this world needs
Is a person without their own mind

With nothing left to give
Nothing left to gain
Nothing left to prove
Nothing left to lose

Nothing left unsaid
Nothing left unread
Nothing left with meaning
Nothing left of being

Nothing left but debt
Nothing but dead
Nothing left to sacrifice
Nothing low on price

Nothing left to say
Nothing left to pray
Nothing left for us
Nothing left but dust

Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
Fallen from place
Fallen from all

Sometimes I question if I'm already dead
If life has left me tattered and broken

Sometimes I stare unblinking into space
Sometimes I have to remind myself to breathe

I don't know that I would care
If I live or die

If it's all the same to those I don't know
It should be all the same to those who know

Sometimes there are those who don't know me
I'm a puzzle even I cannot solve

As if life were given a dagger
And allowed at the pieces of me

I both hate and love solitude
A time when I am free

Because at one point or another
I must face those thoughts I hide away

So tell me if it's safe to love
Tell me if it's safe to live

I don't belong here
I'm out of place
Chasing after fireflies
In this lifeless race

This world is a sickness
And it's sinking in
I'm infected to my soul
An illness beneath my skin

I'm searching for a cure
Some form of solution
The means of clarity
The means of resolution

This world infected me
Only one thing is sure
I've found a way to stop the beating
I've found my perfect solution, a cure

You were unkempt
You were unkind
You were spiteful
You were hateful
You were morbid
You were wretched
You were heinous
You were hideous
You were silent
You were distant
You were fine
And you were mine

Regardless of whether you're here or not
I'll lay awake tonight
And every night that follows
And I'll think of you
Your voice will lace my cries
Your being will haunt the tears
I have been forsaken
Regardless of whether you notice
I will draw blood again
Maybe once
Maybe hundreds
Even the closest can be blind to it all
All it took
Was to see
How little I meant to you
To bring me back so low
To know that I'm a game again
A simple pawn for the playing
I'm screaming out your name
Though I know you can't hear me
All the while knowing
I'm hardly a blink to your eye
Can you not see me?
Or do you simply just
Not
Care?

I give to you this collection of swiftly decaying organisms in the chance that it might sway your stone heart to beat once again.
I take you to the beach in the early morning. In the hopes that the color might return to your pale, rotten skin.
I offer you my jumbled thoughts in words while you sleep. To ensure you won't truly hear me because I know you cannot care any longer.
I offer you my jacket, though you insist you no longer feel the cold. I give it despite knowing you to be right.
I hold aloft the umbrella though your eyes say you don't care as your damp hair clings to your neck.
Darling, they told me to move on. At times I know they're right and at times I know they're also wrong. As a human can be both ugly and beautiful, they can be both right and wrong.
I need to stop loving a corpse.

I used to think I was different
Beating the status quo
But now I'm not so sure
The more I see of people, the less I know

I used to read of people
Those bright and unique
More than the average
You meet on the street

I've done things in my life
To set myself apart
Just to make a difference
Just to make a start

I think we all struggle hard
To give ourselves a name
We can all be different
But we're all the same

Promise not to fade from my eyes
Promise not to fall to the hands of defeat
You're all I need
You're all I have
You're all I am
I stand here battered and broken
My feet tethered in this hell
My demons clawing at my skin
I'm grasping for your hand
Don't you say I've given in
I'm holding to this broken heart
As I watch you fading away
You're letting go
You're giving in
You no longer see me here
You're fading into darkness
All the while I'm chained to you
Our hearts are set in sync
Our bond written in blood
You're bringing about your death
And I'm fallowing all the while

When I speak of time in the true form
I speak of those moments that we all face

The moment when you wait for the screen to ignite in life
The moment when you watch the loading percentage increase
The moment of silence between the songs
The seconds left between the turn in the page

Those times you may assume thoughtless
Or without meaning

The mere minute left standing in the elevator
The stall before sleep takes a proper hold
The pause between sentences
The pause in words as breath interrupts it

These are the moments I speak of
The seemingly mindless moments
On their own seem weak
But over a lifetime
Become the moments
That you were alive
Don't take for granted the time given
When the time given is not concious
To the mind of the foolish

I forgot to see
I forgot to speak
I forgot to think
I forgot to breathe
I forgot to listen
I forgot to wake up
I forgot to live
I forgot to forget
And that is what kills me

What happened to my wonderland?
My world of truth turned lies
What happened to the happiness?
My world composed of skies

A world once so peaceful
A sanctuary of my mind
A world now made of storms
Perhaps I've just gone blind

And now I'm left alone
All my wonders now have gone
Say goodbye to wonderland
The final hand has been drawn

Why do you weep only in the solitude of night?
Why do you recoil from touch?
Why do you cherish each wound as a keepsake?
Why do you serve each scar as a slave?
Why do you fight friend but not foe?
Why do you speak only to those who do not wish to hear your words?
Why do you wander so far from what leads you?
Why do you keep close only those who wish you dead?
Why do you never rise after the fall?

Everything ends

Even you
Even me

So take this dagger
And plunge it deep

As we lay dying
Our blood pools as one

Our fingers intertwined
I look in your eyes

I see freedom
A world without pain

A world free from hardships
As we lay dying

Our memories behinds us
Both good and bad

None of it will matter
Now we are one and the same

I stand at the edge of this forest weeping
My demons hiding, creeping, creeping
I’m searching for a hint of light
Separation from this endless night

Some how this darkness caught me
Tearing away all that I could be
Keeping me from those around
It never let me make a sound

As months, years passed
Over and over again I asked
The same question that plagued my mind
Though it held an answer so hard to find

At last I found it would speak to me
Give the answer I thought I may not see
I asked for my means of escape and for it to be true
“To escape, the person you must **** is you.”

Life, however normal
It always has it's times
Where no one can console us
As our memories unwind

At times it's something simple
Like a phrase or a name
And with it comes emotion
Knowing you haven't been the same

That time is in the past
No use in sparing thought
As soon as you've accepted it
Will you receive the peace you sought

Sometimes it's not so simple
To turn away the memories that call
With this we stand alone
Sometimes we lose it all

In the end they are but memories
Just a replay in our head
Pleasant or unpleasant
Some we simply wish dead

The triggers of this world
All rushing by so fast
Thus proving to all
That nothing comes to last

I am less than my aspirations
I am more than my expectations
I am worth less than my possessions
I am worth more than my confessions

I have survived
Only because I have died
I have found meaning
I am left forever sleeping

I am no longer
I am not stronger

The biggest lie I have harbored
Is pretending I know myself

You gave me heartache
You gave me heartbreak
You took all you could take
And gave only what was fake

I recall what you'd said
When you knew I'd bled
I took to the knife
Fake love could never suffice

You wouldn't save me then
You won't save me now
You'll never be sorry
So give me a reason to live

I am less than my aspirations
I am more than my expectations
I am worth less than my possessions
I am worth more than my confessions

I have survived
Only because I have died
I have found meaning
I am left forever sleeping

I am no longer
I am not stronger

The biggest lie I have harbored
Was pretending to know myself

I clear my eyes with tears
Cleaning away the emotion that once filled them
You can't tell me I'm wrong
You can't tell me anything
Don't pretend this isn't what you wanted
To play me
To control me
You saw the dark side
The unforgiving sinner
The bleeding saint
You weren't all you said
A demon in disguise
Now I have my clarity
To see what you are
Reflecting what I've found
Don't pretend these weren't your intentions
Your lies are burning up
What will you turn to now?
Don't pretend
I found you out
You must be proud
You broke me
You gave me my clarity
Acted as though I was your toy
Did you actually believe
You could come out on top
You fooled me
I fooled you right back
Not so strong
Not so tough now
As you bleed
As I bled
See how it feels?
See how it hurts?
This pain
You'll hold it with you
In these last seconds
You're clock is running out
Do you regret it now?
Now that I hold your life in my hands
Your soul
Your heart will grow as cold as your intentions
Slipping away
The time slipping through your fingers
Don't turn to me
Don't bother to plead
The only thing you'll find
Is your own eyes staring back
It's getting dark now
Just in your eyes
All the light gone
Forever
Time to sleep
Time to go
You best repent
Before the Devil comes knocking
Thank you, my love
You've given me clarity
And I gave you peace
Tell me who came out on top?
Going
Going
Gone

Her skin, made of parchment
Her voice, pure as gold
Her veins, full of ink
And a heart full of holes

Her thoughts, scripted in italics
Her words, implied and untold
Her plot, full of loopholes
Her spine, battered and old

I knew that through her battered pages
That had suffered through the years
Only then would she discover
It was well worth the tears

That each hope would pass
On her tongue made of glass

I never used to be broken
I never meant to end this way
To be so shattered
Chilled from the inside

I tried to survive
I played along with the lies
Each second leaving me farther in despair
Each minute bringing me closer to death

Some tried to save me
Some tried to help
You cured the need
But the sadness stuck

I'm haunted each day
As I slowly pass away
I'm sorry for the tears
But the sadness is stuck

Can I tell you a story?
Can I spin you a tale?
Can I weave you a fable?
Can I preach you a myth?
Can I write you a legend?
Can I mold you an epic?
Can I forge you a classic?
Can I?

I'm afraid again
I'm alone again
I'm trying again
To have a voice
To speak up
To show someone this pain

Here it comes
This is the part
This is where you pass me off
Just a child
Just a kid
Knowing nothing of pain
Don't be silly
You aren't really hurting
You aren't really dead

It's not a real pulse
My heart stopped
Long ago
Do I not look dead?
Of course not
You aren't even looking

I'd do anything to breathe again
I'd give anything to feel anything but this
Anything but pain
Maybe, just maybe
If I carve in the heart lines
Deep enough
My heart will start again

It's been a decade
Maybe two
Maybe three
I took what I lived for
And made it into me

My skin fades into parchment
My blood boils into ink
The words I speak
Print across the plains of me
How careful I became
Speaking only what I must

Each word counting to my last
Soon enough no skin will be left
I will fall eternally silent
Or perhaps I'll die
Such restrictions
It's difficult to live
With a tongue in chains

Stay or go, it's all the same
You call me by a different name
You act as if I've changed my heart
When I've returned back to the start
I'm just the same as I always have been
The same as I was, way back when
At times I wish I could have joined you
Avoided all the agony I would ensue
Sometimes I think you wish it too
Sometimes it's almost as if you knew
I'm stuck in place, struggling to break loose
Though all I do is set the noose

No one even wants you here
No one even cares
No one wants to hear your words
So don't you even dare

No one will even meet your eye
We all ignore your tears
Left alone to rot
Left alone to face your fears

No one understands how you stand strong
How their words do no pierce through
But the truth in all this is
That the one who hates is you