I am holding,
my baby self.
I love you so much.
You are so precious.
Sacred.
Divine.
Beautiful.
You're sassy.
I love,
how innocent,
you are.
I love,
how you light up the room,
with your smile.
You are such a blessing.
Although you look fragile,
you are strong.
You have everyone wrapped around your finger.
You are intelligent.
You are so loved.
You are held.
I see,
your bright light shining.
I see you,
asking for exactly what you want.
I see you,
soaking up the love,
the joy,
reaching out,
taking it in.
I love your laughter.
I love how it feels,
to hold you in my arms,,
to watch you sleep,
so peaceful.
I love how adorable you are as you stretch.
I love your dimples,
your smile,
your blue eyes.
You're infectious,
in all the good ways.
I love how much you eat.
I love that you go for exactly what you want.
I'm so happy,
that you are mine.

Mm.
Seeing my young adult self.
You are on fire.
I am so ******* proud of you.
You are giving life your all.
You are having fun.
You are making friends.
You are dealing,
with a chronic disease,
like a ******* boss.
I am so proud of you.
I'm proud of who you are,
who you're becoming.
You are gorgeous.
You are so intelligent.
I love your curiosity.
I love all of the knowledge that you are constantly seeking out and soaking in.
I love that you're a bookworm.
I love,
that you,
have so many amazing goals,
and you are going after them.
I'm proud of you for making tough decisions.
I love you so much.
I love how you just keep going forward,
no matter what.
I love that you do extra credit,
that you ask for help,
that you offer help.
I love how involved you are.
You're doing all of these incredible volunteer opportunities
just because it makes you happy and you want to give back
and that is so beautiful.
I love watching you blossom into the leader that you are.
You have such a beautiful soul.
Such a beautiful soul.
You are such an incredible friend.
Such an incredible sister.
Such an incredible daughter.
Your voice is gorgeously amazing.
You are such an incredible singer,
musician,
writer,
poet.
You have so many dreams and you are going after them.
I love that you are friends with everyone in the choir that you are a part of,
the church choir like,
it's just so much fun,
to witness how you just like,
have such an infectious joy about you.
And how music just really lights you up and brings you out of your shell and you just blossom.
I absolutely love witnessing it.
It's magical.
You are such a magical being.
I love you so much.

And here we are today.
I am so proud of everything that you have accomplished.
You stepped into 30.
Oh man,
this new decade,
has already been so incredible.
You are working your dream job as an academic advisor.
Ha,
you are a healer and a coach with your own business.
You are so gorgeous,
such a Goddess.
I love it.
I love you so much.
I'm so proud of all of the goals, education, life experiences, personal development, certifications, everything that you've just
gone after,
and just like,
made the most of.
You are such an incredible, intuitive healer.
Letting that Reiki energy flow through you.
You're amazing.
Your ***** is delightful and delicious.
I love how she leads the way in your life.
Oo.
I love your strip teases,
so gorgeous.
I love how you love being naked.
And I love how free you are.
You are so held.
So, so held.
Oh man,
I am just,
have tears in my eyes,
thinking of everything that we've gone through on this journey,
and look at you,
you're thriving.
I'm proud of all the financial knowledge that you have.
You volunteered for two years,
how incredible is that.
And it's just,
you are so amazing at giving back,
to this world,
to this community.
And also,
look at how much you've embraced your intuition,
your vulnerability.
Look how well you receive.
These are such beautiful things.
You are so loved.
And you have so much love.
And you're so loveable.
I feel it.
I feel it so much.
I feel so blessed that you're here on this journey.
That you've been aligning with your unapologetic self,
living unapologetically,
embracing your Goddess,
letting her out,
letting her lead,
letting your ***** lead.
Oh man,
I love it.
I love your journey.
I love how much you've embraced.
I love your communities.
I love your friends,
like you,
have made such,
and created such,
an incredible life for yourself.
Mwah.
I love you.
And you have a beautiful, **** ***.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.

It creeps up and covers my heart
Disconcerting and uncertain feelings purge my mind
Anxieties and insecurities I’d thought I left behind
They’re back now
Sneaky and determined
They cut through any present happiness
Oozing in
Snatching and sticking
Determined to stay
Why can’t they leave?
Why do they always come back?
I feel like I’m stuck in a ******* cycle that keeps wanting to **** with me
Paralyzed with indecision, judgement, and fear
Where did that risk taker go?
Where did that confident, optimistic woman head off to?
Why do I care so ******* much what others think?
Why do I constantly feel the need to cede control in order to please those around me?
Is this adulthood or simply the cusp of it?
I can’t handle this ****
Or maybe it’s that I don’t want to anymore
It’s time for something new
My bravery to morph into the next phase
I deserve to be consistently happy
Everyone deserves happiness
I will accept and embrace my loneliness
For I know staying present can bring happiness
It is coming
It is here
It is now

Dear Body,

I reclaim our radiance!

You are a vessel,

We are a vessel.

We bring life, joy, healing, and light.

I love you.

I love us.

I trust you.

I trust us.

You are safe.

We are safe.

I feel safe.

I reclaim this feeling of safety.

For you.

For us.

For me.

I felt that feeling in my heart
When I left you at the bus stop
That sadness that occurs
When I don’t know when I’ll see you next
It hurts a bit
It feels unsure
It grasps for you
Where you were before
It’s time to leave
I look out the window
See you standing there
Tears well in my eyes
Emotion shows on my face
I hug myself
As it passes
I smile at the memories we made
Resting now
The journey begins
In the future
We’ll meet again

I felt like my heart was breaking
When I thought about you

It’s an odd feeling
Since you’re my dad

But there were the tell-tale signs

It’s a nostalgic feeling
Combined with a sadness
And a despairing emotional turn

It’s sad really
Terrifying in some ways
To think that I’m not loved

It isn’t true though

He loves me
He cares about me

I don’t think he likes me though
At least not the majority of the time

He thinks I don’t listen
That I’m ungrateful

I think he’s wrong
That he doesn’t hear me

I’ve been living here
In this environment
For a long time

I feel unwelcome by him

Yes
My heart truly breaks for us
For him

I care deeply for my father
I love my father
Yet
I don’t know how to express this
While maintaining my authentic self expression

Some days I give up
Hole away in my treehouse room
Lay in bed or distract myself

Other days I try
I speak and smile
I still go up to my treehouse room
It’s my space

I wonder if it will ever change
If our relationship will improve

I hope so
I hope our hearts mend
Our wounds heal
Our emotions open
And we spread joy and contentment
Just as the sun setting and rising spreads beauty and hope