i write about wanting to
see you
talk to you
be with you

but in actuality
if i ever had the chance
i'd run in the opposite direction

because you'd be
all too
real.

a beautiful flame
burning bright
and then one day
it's gone
nothing
left
but

       A
          S
        H      
      E
        S


&

   D
     U
        S
          T


I was okay
for a while
until
my
smile
faded
into
something
I can't describe

a face with no expression
a heart with no emotion
a body with no oxygen
collapsing
falling
dying
with
no
time
to
save
my life

needing a release
before I
relapse

I don't know what to express
feels like I've given up
on my life

no amount of love
could change my thoughts
I'd blank it all out
as I'd fall into what I once
swore I'd never let in again
the other part of me
that I had to leave
I sense my old feelings
making a bitter return

I never wanted to fall for it
I tried so hard to make an effort
to stay and keep myself on track
but every human
has their weak points
something that brings them back
to their deadly old thoughts