eli Oct 10
I want to trust
but I can't
and I don't know if I ever will again

there was a time I trusted
far beyond the stars and moon

then one day it came crashing down like a meteor falling out of space
so out of place, it lies there broken
in an unknown place

here I am in a familiar place
not knowing where I am
who am i

i know everyone here not trusting a single soul
because they've all hurt me
always to leave

so here i am standing alone
in an unknown world
i don't want anyone

not anyone whos gonna leave
or hurt me
no one

id rather be alone
eli Oct 9
you know when you're broken when
nothing makes sense anymore
why do we do anything when we're all gonna die anyway
why do we get close to people when they're always gonna leave

no one is going to be there for you forever so what's the point of getting close to anyone
what's the point in showing all your love and affection to someone when all they're gonna do is hurt you

why do we try in school when what all school gives to us are depression and sadness
why do we work so hard to succeed in life when we're all gonna die one day
and we will all be forgotten one day, its inevitable

you know you're broken when the only thing that makes you happy is
stolen bottles of *****
the tiniest bit can go a far way
when smoking **** makes you smile and laugh more than you ever have in your life
when drugs and alcohol are the only things that make you happy

you know you're broken when you don't love or hate anyone
and you don't care enough to do so
you don't care enough to do anything anymore
just waiting until the beautiful day you die

and when that day comes you'll be the happiest

that's how you know you're broken
  Oct 9 eli
Like an old friend inviting you to come inside.
Familiar. Comforting.
It will grasp you in its arms and hold you close;
And when you're ready to leave, it wont let you go.
You will beg and plead to be happy,
and it will put up a fight.
It will make you think that the only way to escape it is to take your own life.
If you are lucky, you can break free;
and it will sit and watch you from afar.
Calling your name.
Welcoming you back into it's arms.
It will intrude your thoughts.
Make you think you are worthless.
That you're better off dead.
Just keep telling yourself that it's all in your head.
Keep moving. You will get far.
Depression is not who you are.
DISCLAIMER: This is only from my personal point of view and how my battle with depression has been. Even though I am trying to recover, the battle gets very difficult for me sometimes and I have to remind myself that I am not my mental illness. My mental illness does not define me.
eli Oct 9
Don't Die From My Soul,
Sunlight Still Lurks In My Veins,
Imagination Quenches Your Thirst,
Though Your Roots Are Exposed,
I Kiss Every Petal,
To Keep You Alive

Don't Die,
You Are The Passion In My Garden Of Me,
Don't Let The Frost Over Take You,
Snowflakes Dance Around You,
Enjoy The Cold

Oh Sunflower,
It's Always Summer In My Garden,
Let The Showers Of Enlightenment,
Keep Your Petals Smooth And Age Free

Oh Rose,
Rose With Green Eyes,
Stay Strong,
Don't Let The Weeds Overtake You,
You Are Beautiful,
You Are The Pacemaker,
To Anyone Without A Heart,
If You Fail To Survive,
So Will I
  Oct 3 eli
I'm a hopeless romantic
I dream of fun nights out on the town
Meaningful conversations under the stars
And a passionate kiss shared in the rain
I'm a hopeless romantic
I believe in marriage
And growing old together
And being attentive to each others needs
I'm a hopeless romantic
Longing to be seen in a way
That others have never dared to do
Afraid of losing their fantasies
I'm a hopeless romantic
But more than that
I am human
And a complex one I might add
Not so easily figured out
But what's the fun in that?
I'm a hopeless romantic
Loyal and caring
Wanting to know who my partner is
And how I can help them accomplish their
Goals and dreams
A hopeless romantic
Yes that's me
  Sep 27 eli
cameras flash
                                                           ­                                       lights blare
mother smiles
heart aches
                            stomach rumbles
                                                         ­   agent is pleased
skinny skinny skinny
                                                          ­                                          must be skinny
                                                         must be pretty
                                                          ­                                      must be perfect
must be good enough
                                                       not enough
                                                      neve­r enough
                                                     **** **** ****
why do people
                                                          ­                                           even like me
                                                     **** model
                                                     **** girl
                                                        hate­ me
        cutting carving creating
                                                        ­                                              scars
             ­                                            drink drank drunk
drip drip
                                                       hoping I'll
                                                            ­                                              just
        ­                      out.
eli Sep 22
I want you in my life
but I don't want to be committed to you
I'm scared to be committed to you
because one-day ill fall in love and you'll be gone

people always leave
its inevitable
what's the point of committing to someone you know wont be there forever
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