waiting for someone to turn the key

i ****** up again
i keep doing this over and over and over and over and over and over and over again

is anyone else scared that the kind of love they want does not exist and is unattainable? i think about it all the time

schoolbooks always thrown on the floor while i explore another world for a few hours

i have nothing else to say but i don't want to leave

i write on here for ME
because day by day my memory feels like it's fading
fading so fast

i won't understand a single word written
but i'll always know that i felt something at some point

it's time for the story to begin again i guess
i woke up
slowly, but i woke up

it stirred inside of me
i feel so alive

that cold shiver
it takes over my body
coursing through me
sapping me of my energy
a parasite
i'm a mess
long black hair

but i'll make you so happy <3