This is a heart
It buckles and comes unfastened

By trembling hands that search and *****
For words escaped through languid lips

Whispered promises left scattered in tussled sheets
Turn to pearls and diamonds under the weight of worn heartbeats

Like a single raindrop in a sea of emotion
Bury our sin in the slum of a broken heart

Seduction is love
And love becomes lust.

Sometimes I wonder
if aliens actually existed
and why they would be so twisted
as to want to construct
or rather instruct
making poor Egyptians
with no skin on their bones
into crazy conniptions
to build something out of nothing
into the shape of a well
…a pyramid
it drives me insane
all this intellectual debate
because sometimes
I’m only obsessed about my weight
and why I eat so very little yet still manage to gain
and other times I question my own sexuality
do I suffer some sort of schizophrenic duality
because the only thought on my brain
is how awesome it would be
for one night with J-Lo just her and me
but there are times
when my thoughts are flooded
with a torrent of grays
and I’m left in a haze
at the cruelty of Man
willing to **** a cat
for his own amusement
or spread lies
instead of self improvement
it’s weird that we engage in small talk
instead of taking stock
of all the good that we share
we squawk and we gawk
and it leaves us nothing but shell shocked
so I’ll go back to wondering about my UFO’s
and their platform to the stars
maybe you can look tonight
out into a black night sky
see a shooting star
and wonder if it was
simply a bright light
or an acquaintance of ours.

All the while
I was holding on
while you kissed me
with open eyes
searching for an exit
trying your ****** hardest
to break the ties that bind.

You make a normal day
seem like an impossibility
when every breath
hanging heavy in my room
brings me back to you
and that humid, balmy night
skin on skin
clinging onto something
as the room spun out of control
restless, needing, wanting more.

Curtains drawn
and time fritters away
headlights slice into the stillness of night
a lighthouse searching for souls lost in the dark
punctuating the seconds as minutes pass into hours and hours into days
the heat that mingles with the cool night air
create droplets that inch slowly along misted glass highways
oblivious to you and me
rocking in perfect motion
upon an ocean tangled up in sheets
a mess of limbs and hungry lips
and hands that plunge roughly
causing brows to furrow
angry waves on angry seas
searching for Atlantis within hidden depths
a nimbus of satisfaction flirts around your mouth
cresting into a tsunami
brighter than a flash of lightning
close your eyes
I’ll kiss your crown
we don’t need forever
just a promise of right now.

Soul Beat
Sometimes, after a lull
my mind feels the need to remind me of you
and I take a shovel to the dirt
digging up buried images of you and I
and I awake
from a frenzied dream
breathless
and in the seconds I float between sleep and full consciousness
I taste your scent in the air
your fingers everywhere
the warmth of your skin lingers on mine
sweat soaked
my pulse races
pounding like a hammer through my chest
if only I could take a pair of secateurs
and deadhead the hurt and memories you left trailing
like vines around my heart
suffocating me
leaving me empty
gasping for release.

She wears a fine cloak of mist
I take her hand and she leads me
through a forest of glowing eyes
the branches sigh
brushing and scratching against our naked legs
as the stars dance like fireflies
streaking magik against God's velvet canvas
I wonder where we are
and how the moonlight dances upon her silken hair
she stops to stare
and then I realise
it was me
all along
I was the girl with transparent skin
lithe and glowing from within.

Fluorescent lights and lonely eyes
this bar is full of smoke and the smell of stale cigarettes
there's another fool getting into a fight
spilled beer leads to a broken face
and through a cloud of smoke
you walk in like you're looking for me
in the corner booth
you're drawing hearts on the palm of my hands
connecting straight to my heart
it feels all too familiar and I get up to leave
you reach over and whisper,
"we ain't no good for each other but we ain't made for no one else"
and I'm walking away
with you right behind me
I smile because you know I say with every sway
let's do
what lovers do
we'll hold each other
in parentheses,
your curves
holding onto mine
in perfect alignment
even if
it's only pretend.

You can preoccupy your mind with every new girl that you touch
keep a list, keep a tab, keep yourself busy
but you know that you're just trying to find me in every one of them.

Go ahead blame it on someone, blame it on me
say that my tummy is too flabby, my thighs are too big
and my elbows are too rough
but see,
those are the very things you look out for in every new person you meet.

And why can't you sleep at night even when she's in your arms
the quiet of your room is an oppressive screaming silence
because my sighs were the only sounds able to put you to sleep.

Friends tell me you don't look at the stars anymore because you've found them in her
you can lie to them and you can lie to yourself
but the truth is, you don't look because you told me that my eyes held the galaxies
and you would forever be lost in mine.

So fill your mouth with different poems and different verses and different words
tell your new addiction how metaphors form from the curve of her lips
but you know it's my spit that rises at the back of your throat because you still long for the taste of my mouth on yours.

I can't look at you without feeling hurt
but in time
  I may find
that I love you more
(than I ever should have)
   with time,
  strange how a hairline crack
can sometimes feel
like multiple fractures.

I have loved you
  with 26 letters
and I shall hate you
  with the same.

I keep
  falling into love
and walking into walls
tripping over boundaries
    and overstepping limits
I guess the only thing
  you left me
was a diminished
      sense of space.

And now I see, we are but tiny bubbles that float upon the great blue ocean. Some of us struggle so hard against the tides that it would seem easier to just give up and let them take you under. And then there's you. You caught the light and shine like a diamond. Proud and beautiful, defiant and brave.

And there she goes
with a frail heart
the fragile girl
seeks refuge
in the quiet corners
of a strangers' lonely
and vacant stare
if only,
I could be the shores
she dropped her anchor for.

Sunday morning
last night on my breath
your scent lingers
and your ghost still fresh on my mind.

Tell me my eyes
remind you of the night sky
so that when I'm gone
you can squeeze yours shut
until the stars twinkle on the back of your eyelids
that's me looking right back at you.

I could pretend to hate you
and say you never changed anything
and you can keep telling everyone
that I don't even figure
as a footnote in your life

but if I were to be honest
I would say that

your kiss is the one
I will compare all future kisses to

well now you know
and maybe, you even feel you have
some sort of power over me

well,
you would be right
while I'm floating aimlessly in your atmosphere
searching for some gravity
all you do is smile
like you know I'm a fool

well,
you would be right.

This is a poem about someone else
so don’t look away
don’t hurt yourself
(when you look in their eyes)
you might see me staring back
I am the mirror
and you’ve picked out the devil in the details
so grab hold of the one you love
and tell them that with every touch
     you feel the sun rise from your hips
tell yourself it isn’t a sin
that you’re still moved by the tornadoes I stoked
     when I stroked your skin
and we could be so wrong together
like the stars and the moon
  destined to outshine the other
but we can never be right for anyone else
(but) this is a poem about someone else
and if you’re on your own
don’t look away
don’t hurt yourself.

Ocean waves rising and falling
she is breathing
   she is alive
and the midday sun kisses her great blue expanse
hitting her skin
  setting diamonds ablaze
forget the sunburn
forget its sweet sting
with a look in your eyes
nothing compares
  and nothing ever will.

In the midnight hour
I listen to the wind
racing through the dark
its song beautifully broken
as it kisses every dream
that glides upon its wings.

I will hold you
gently at first
and then all at once
till you feel me
my weight upon you
my arms around you
pulling you in
crushing on you
like the dew as it sits heavy upon blades of grass
and before dawn I will leave you
with nothing but a moist souvenir from my lips
a kiss farewell
before the morning light.

I saw an old man today
he was stood on the edge of forever
with a weary smile
he closed his eyes
and whispered a name
before taking a step
into the unknown,

and I swore
I would never be like the old man
but here I stand
with a longing in my heart
and a name tattooed across my arm
the wind she calls my name
like I wished you would a thousand times
and I take one step forward
into the unknown.

They say that truth hurts
and maybe it should
because sometimes
we need a punch in the throat
something to wake us up
from this drunken stupor
we continue living
day in, day out
like how you walk around believing
that no one understands you
you feed yourself pretty little lies
it starts off hard to swallow
but with time, a lie becomes a fact
and how convincing you can be
and the crease on your forehead
grows deeper with every day
although secretly you have to admit
it amuses you that people even care
maybe it is our fault
our fault for feeding your petulance
feeding it with care and compassion
you must feel so proud of yourself
for fooling the naïve denizens
because well,
snap your fingers
a dozen shoulders-to-cry-on appear like magic
or maybe your boyfriend tells you you're perfect
and you don't have to change a thing
maybe your girlfriend swears your parents are insane
"it's your life, you should do what you want"
***** that,
society itself is wrong
nobody gets you like you get yourself
and don't you wish everyone would just mind their own ****** business
but here's the thing
look at yourself right now
what do you see
you think that frown is cool
or is it really the truth
does society really have it against you
maybe the problem is you
for once have you ever stopped and wondered
could it be that I'm wrong
and they're right
because no matter how irritating your parents may be
they're the only ones you've got
not all parents are good
sure, but what about yours
she carried you for nine months
has she ever asked you for back dated rent
has she ever complained that you wrecked her body
leaving her with stretch marks and flabby skin
has he ever asked for a refund on your education
how about when he had to wash your backside
or when you soiled his shirts with your tears and snot
and you're listening to your boyfriend or girlfriend over them
what does someone you met 3 months, 6 months, 1, 2 or even 3 years ago know about you
maybe,
just maybe
you're wrong and they're right.

Is your heart so big
that you needed a compass
to find your way
to where my love was stored?

Is your heart so big
that you needed to fill each room
with anyone whose smile
was wider or brighter than your own?

Is your heart so big
that you had so much love to share
that you couldn't shower
all of it on me?

Is your heart so big
that you thought you could
invest in love
and spend it on two souls equally?

Is your heart so big
that you thought you could keep
me from the truth
that your heart
wasn't big enough for me?

If I were to paint a scene for you
I'd fill it with shades of black and blue
like the colours of my heart
as it beats itself to a pulp
holding onto your promise
it once thought to be true.

You are my last breath
the final pocket of air
I keep buried inside
before I die
a martyr
of the brutality of your love
transcended and
transfigured.

I sought in you
the stars and the moon
but you said your
"I love you"
came much too soon
your kiss sighs 'Yes'
but your hands
they're screaming 'No'
with you I don't know
if I should stay
or if I should go.

If wishes did come true
then I wish . . .
I wish I were the air
the air that sustains you
that causes your chest
to rise and fall
the one thing you
can't live without.

And someday
I will hear the tides
that crash upon your shore
their distant song
will call to me
but I will remain marooned
stranded on the ocean of your eyes
because for you
I would gladly leave
eternity behind.

Would it make any difference
if I stood in a field of clover
beneath a velvet sky
studded with stars
that glowed with delight
and swayed to the music
of the rhythms of the night?

Would you believe
that this magik
was made for you and I?

When you finally realise
that all your precious rhymes
were wasted
on flitting butterflies
you'll walk away embittered,
lonely, and out of time
with nothing but fading memories
like a phantom limb
of the heat that comes
from that someone else's hand
in yours.

And so it was
a boy of twenty
too old to know better
  but too young to know any less
fastened together
by bits of broken glass
like an armour of shrapnel
  reflecting light
a prism of sound
shattering the empty silence
because if they were afraid to change
than he was the boy
with the eyes of a last child
  who was afraid of not changing
and there's one thing I hope
he never forgets
that life should be lived
without regrets.

I shadow boxed my demons
  busted knuckles and bloodied grin
and these hands I cried rivers into
  have all but dried,
I argued every point
  till I was empty inside
a shadow within myself
  but I won't fight a losing battle
just to prove that love does exist
  I learnt to live
and she was the girl
  who learnt to leave.

When you left
you stole the silence
from my bed
and vulnerable petals
fell like penance
from my eyes
as crashing waves
tossed my broken heart
upon an ocean
of bitter tears.

I collected every sigh
you breathed
while you lay asleep
in my arms

and with each one
I blessed the shadows
and offered a sacrament
to the God
that kept us entwined
in these sheets.

On nights where a chill
floats on the breeze,
again in my sleep
you come to me,
I remember you
the gap in your teeth
and your crooked smile,
but like a faded memory
you haunt my dreams
staining the quiet we shared
our sips of innocence
and faltering hands.

I bared for you my all
and you took me to the oceans edge
washed me clean of my sins
you scrubbed the scars, dug out the hurt
till I was raw
and then you set me free, again
but were I to do anything else but return
chained
and bound to you.

Find me
in a place not too far away
where dreams float
and the stars dance in a velvet galaxy
where my wings may unfold
and I will soar
upon a tempest of hope.

Sometimes I wonder
do you think of me
the way I think of you
or has time
tarnished us
into the blurred edge
of yesterday's memories.

Too much time has passed
like water under the bridge I've burned
maybe you don't even care anymore
but would you just kiss me
one more time
with closed eyes
and you can pretend
I am whoever you want.

This is about a dream
where we sing in bookstores
and coffee houses
thick with swirls of cigarette smoke

maybe we're laying on blankets
on a moonless rooftop night
I'm watching fireworks
exploding in your eyes

with you there beside me
your warmth keeps me whole
as we dig through old photographs

I let you laugh
at how chubby I used to be
it's unusual

you walked in from the cold
and your nurturing smile
makes me feel safe.

Your silence hits me
like a strong right hand
a 100 lb sock to eye
and it's coming in crystal clear
how about you take a big breath
and swig of honesty
because right now
we're standing at a crossroads
and this fragile heart
isn't so fragile anymore.

I wish someone would kiss me
the way stars kiss the darkness
   just before it dawns
perhaps then I would know
how it feels to be missed.

My desperate hands
search for the answers
lost in the brambles
among the valleys
and peaks
and soft arches of your sigh
looking for the key to a heart
I once lost in a frenzy
of lust
and profanity.

No, there's no such thing as a long goodbye
that's just me, dragging out the inevitable.

And no, I'm not blaming you
maybe I wished too hard that it would last a lifetime
I should've adopted your cynicism on love
that would've saved my soul from impossible heartbreak.

And no, I don't stay awake keeping up the stars anymore
this time they wait on me, watching
as I sleep soundly in a field of clover cradled in love.

And no, I'm not thinking of you or crying again
I wake up, pull open the curtains
stare wide eyed at how beautiful the world is
and how it was never anything but the way it has always been.

And no, I'm not broken anymore.

Your poems are magik
the intoxication I imbibe
and I would willingly wander
a penniless drunk
if you were to ever tell me
that I was your muse.

You're drinking wine
from the chalice of pleasure
could it be
that to you
love was always
more of an afterthought?

I was looking for A Hero
never suspecting
you were just
another soul fraught.

Maybe really all we are
is con artists,
magicians good with words
lucky enough to find some fool
who thinks what we say
is worth something.

Have you ever been in love?

Well I have.
Because you are;
my sin
my absolution
my redeeming qualities
my heartbeat
my muse
everything

(I will never have).

I want to consume you
I want to singe you
let my flames lick you
tattoo my touch on your skin
in a insatiable controlled burn.